So, Will Smith was on Ellen Degeneres the other day. Ellen, who’s planning to marry her partner, Portia de RossiDegrassi, noted the Smith and his wife (Jada Pinkett Smith in case ya didn’t know) have been married for 10 years which is HUGE for Hollywood. (And becoming “huge” for the “rest” of the world as well.)

Hearing either Mr. or Mrs. Smith talk about how they make marriage work for them is not a new thing. Will’s comments Monday had me smiling and nodding my head…kinda like the first time I heard “Parents Just Don’t Understand”.

Here’s what he said:

“What I found is divorce just can’t be an option,” the actor explained. “It’s really that simple. And I think that’s the problem with L.A. – there are so many options. So a huge part of the success for [Jada] and I is that we just removed the other options. We’re like listen, we’re going to be together one way or the other so we might as well try to be happy.”

Love it! LOVE.IT!

I do think some folk take marriage, relationships, commitment much too lightly.

Some years ago, a friend and I were shopping with another friend who was getting married. Again. We were picking out bridal headpieces. The ink on this chick’s divorce had barely dried before she was heading down the aisle again. Mind you, she got married straight out of high school the first time and to say that her first marriage was “abusive” would be an incredible understatement.

I didn’t get the feeling that she really WANTED to get married again. I didn’t even get the feeling that she was in love with the guy. I don’t think she knew how to tell him no. Don’t act shocked – it happens more often than you think (that’s a whole other blog post). Anywho, she was being very lackadaisical about the whole deal and then she said, “Well, I figure if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get another divorce.”

See? Too easy to exercise that option. Instead of opting out before it became legal. And I’ve heard that same kind of sentiment from other people about to walk down the aisle.

Since his appearance on Ellen, I’ve heard people criticize what Will said, saying that “oh so if they miserable as hell, they just gonna stay together and be miserable.”

Check YOUR “filters”. I don’t think either Will or Jada are advocating anybody be miserable.

Can I tell ya’ll something?

“Miserable” does NOT sneak up on people.

I’m serious. You don’t wake up one day and realize that you’re “miserable”. You feel it coming. It festers. It grows over time…if you aren’t proactive enough to head it off.

The trick is learning to get in front of “miserable”, yank up the welcome mat and get it to keep moving?

THAT’S what I think Will’s point was – divorce “can” be an option – but it should be the LAST option…not the first choice.

Know what else I liked about his “Options” statement?

It’s transferable to other areas of your life..

Like…
…how much farther along would you be towards whatever your dream is…f you removed the option to do anything BUT succeed?

That book would be written (*ahem*), that movie made, that line of clothing launched, that business opened, that child on the dean’s list, that money saved, that home purchased, that degree hanging on the wall, that weight lost AND maintained.

Make no mistakes about it – having options is a good thing.

The tricky part comes in knowing WHEN to exercise that option…AND knowing WHICH option to exercise.

Live DELICIOUSLY!
*~* MsJayy *~*

“We imagine we would be all right if a big crisis arose; but the big crisis will only reveal the stuff we are made of, it won’t put anything in us.” ~ Oswald Chambers

Did I ever tell you that I was a drama queen? Well, I was. Or should I say, I’m a recovering drama queen. (Er’y now and then I have a relapse.) Yep, I was. EVERYTHING was a crisis…drama amped up to 360°, multiplied by itself and then squared…TWICE.

Everything that happened became a drama-laced story to be told again…and again. Last year, I found myself about to don the costume of Drama Queen again…where you were concerned. And trust me, there WAS drama. But my spirit having evolved tremendously over the years had that bit of drama on M-U-T-E. Sure, it was painful, it was hard to deal with but no amount of telling or retelling would ease any of that and my spirit knew my heart needed something more quiet in order to heal. You were not my crisis. While I think you are a wonderful human being (yep, even through the bullshyt…I still see Y-O-U, flaws & all, every single possibility for who you truly are…the person you’re running from – cause Baby, while you tell yourself it’s me…it’s not – it’s YOU), you are not my crisis. I realize that now. And so…

To you…I apologize. Sincerely. They say love dies under the burden of unmet expectations. Does that make me a murderer? An assassin? I pray not. Maybe I (we) simply wounded love, not actually killed it.

To you I say…forgive me for trying to make you my crisis. When in fact, as painful as it was…you were simply my mirror, reflecting back to me the brokenness of my own spirit, the chipped places in my heart. I know now that you were simply an instrument of my healing…not my healer. That job description is mine and mine alone.

I once had a conversation with someone who asked if I ever regretted whatever relationship existed between you and I. I said no – and meant it (he on the other hand said he thought I should…and I’m sure he meant it.). I don’t. Why?

Because even in light of all the painful residue, the intense unraveling of possibilities…the beauty of us still remains.

I hesitate to declare myself “healed”. I do declare myself ‘better’. And that is all we can truly ask as we move deeper into this journey – that we end up better. Even when things end.

I think back over this year and see where “crisis” has definitely brought more to me than it’s taken from me. It affirms the fact that my “crisis” wasn’t. It also affirms the fact that a “crisis”, much like a crutch, isn’t meant to be long term.