Yesterday’s post was about replacing my need to understand with the ability to go with the flow and enjoy life as it comes. About how my mind wanders down that familiar road, “What’s this about?”, when I already know – clearly (or clearly enough).

Honestly, I’ve been “here” before – although the “landscape” is much richer, more beautiful this time around. I’m definitely handling it better now than in the past. Do questions like “What’s this really about?”, “Why me?”, “Why now?” still enter my mind? Yes.

Instead of trying to wrap my mind around those questions and wrestle answers to the ground, I shake it off. It doesn’t matter. What it’s about is enjoying what unfolds. Embracing life. Letting life be good FOR me AND good TO me. Without looking for guarantees. AND without my “crutch”. You know – “the other shoe”.

There’ve been situations in my life I didn’t enjoy fully because I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. So many blessings I pushed away thinking they weren’t meant for me or because I didn’t know how long they’d last.

Do you know how hard it is to truly LIVE your life while holding your breath? Not going deeper because you didn’t have a guarantee or a safety net? Feeling that at any moment, someone would knock on the door to repossess whatever piece of goodness you have? Classic case of SPIRITUALLY “LIVING BELOW MY MEANS”. None of us are meant to live that way. None of us.

This situation? I know what it’s about: growth, stretching, learning, enjoying the moment. Transparency.

Being who I am and watching who moves closer, who moves away, AND LETTING THEM.

It’s about SURRENDER. TRUST. FAITH. And JOY. Unmistakable, unshakeable JOY.

Surrender ain’t easy. Especially when you’ve had to fight for whatever you have. I was in that fight years ago, wearing myself out grasping something that apparently didn’t want to be “held”. The more I fought to hold on, the more slippery it became. And I was exerting all the energy. I pulled out an old journal and came across this quote: “Let Go and Let God.” We’ve all heard that before, probably even repeated it to folks a time or two. Can’t say I’ve always connected with it. But that day I did. The full quote that I read was this:

I did just that - I let go. I shed some tears. Letting go was scary. I cried, said my goodbyes and moved into the next phase: “Let God”. I’ve not been disappointed yet.

How did I surrender? There’s a level of “being tired” that runs spirit-deep and will zap all your energy, scramble your thoughts…the whole nine. It is NOT pretty. I saw it coming and knew what I was clinging to wasn’t worth it. More importantly, I knew I was worth more. Truthfully, that situation wasn’t what I needed OR what I wanted. It was simply “FAMILILAR”. A ‘rut’ masquerading as a ‘comfort zone’ – again. But familiarity ain’t love. It ain’t a relationship. It ain’t trust. It ain’t “knowing”. Hell, sometimes “familiarity” ain’t even “Familiar” enough!

I decided then and there to give up the need to figure it all out. “Knowing” didn’t always work in my favor. I stopped trying to control things. I gave up the need to be right in exchange for being heard, honored, respected.

I pushed myself to go with the flow. Stepping back, observing, listening, being detached. Does that mean I didn’t go into situations “hoping” for a certain outcome? No. I still “hoped”; I just remained open to however the situation played out.

I stopped resisting HOW things showed up, accepting them as they came. Took myself (and others) much less seriously. Invited myself to get over myself a few times (encouraged some other folk to do likewise LOL). Laughed a lot. Let myself just be open to life.

I challenge myself every day – every single day – to commit to what life is asking of me, what life is bringing to me, to trust that it’s meant for me and that it would be whatever it was meant to be for as long as it was meant to be.

Getting to this place has been quite a journey. It’s not over. But I can honestly and joyfully say that I love me some LIFE right about now. Even in the midst of twists/turns and not “understanding”.

How beautiful is that?

I was driving home yesterday when a wave of “What’s-this-about-and-why-so-intense?” hit me. I let it ride in the passenger seat for a minute. Then I popped the sunroof and invited it to get out…and stay out. I turned up the music, hit cruise control and let myself relax in the yummy-ness of my thoughts.

I’d say it was a good GREAT day.

Live Intentionally!
*~* J *~*

By nature I am very analytical. VERY. To the point that, between the end of one sentence and the beginning of another, in my head, I’ve already broken down the conversation, found the “real” issue and formulated the resolution in my head. LOL

Every once in a while, being THAT analytical really gets in the way. See, I have this *thing* about understanding situations. For real. I would turn a situation over and over until I felt like I understood it. I remember telling people that my thing was I didn’t have to like a situation or agree with it as long as I could understand it. Ha!

I’m learning now that sometimes, even understanding a situation isn’t necessary. It’s not. Some things aren’t meant for me to understand. At all. Ever. Some things can only be understood in retrospect. And sometimes? Sometimes I simply have to learn to go with the flow.

Today I’m having one of those “go with the flow” moments. Well, it’s not *just* today. It’s a “go with the flow SITUATION”. Yep, the whole darn situation. So you know that requires an extra dose of “get-out-of-my-own-way”. LOL

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a good situation, a very good situation…actually it’s D-E-L-IC-I-O-U-S. Yet, my mind tends to want to wander down that path asking ‘what is this about’ and in this case, I don’t need to know. Well, truth is, I already know.** What I *need* to do is simply enjoy it. For what it is. At this moment in time. And what it is right now is beautiful. Simply beautiful.

The kind of beautiful that has you sitting at a stop light with that silly smile on your face. You know the one - the one that makes other people smile when they see it on your face and then they have no idea why THEY are smiling.

The kind of beautiful that has you humming something pretty without realizing it until someone asks you the name of the song.

The kind of beautiful that makes YOU feel beautiful…from the inside out.

The kind of beautiful that makes you realize that nothing beyond this moment matters right now. Not yesterday, not tomorrow…just today, these tender moments.

Because today? This moment?
This is where something beautiful is planted.

Because today? This moment?
This is where something beautiful will bloom. Be nurtured. Thrive. Become what it’s meant to be.

Because….today is THAT day.
The day that something beautiful is born.

Live from your soul,
*~* Jayy *~*

Lately, I’ve been quietly contemplating “BIGGER”….

As in doing something bigger IN my life….WITH my life…FOR my life.

To play bigger in the game of life. Step it up. Step out.

To live bigger.

I’m not sure what any of that’s going to look like.

I do know it will take courage on my part. That it will definitely change me in all the right ways.

I talked about DIFFERENT recently but….like I said then, “Different” might not be “Different” enough. Maybe the “Different” I offered up wasn’t BIG enough.

And so…I wait for BIGGER to whisper to my spirit just what it looks like and what I need to do to grow into it.

It’s an interesting space to be in. I’m learning to make peace with my need to know all the answers, being tested as far as Giving Up HOW. Moving beyond Getting Ready to Get Ready.

I’m learning to simply stand at the base of all that I’ve said I wanted in my life and let it unfold, trusting thatwhatever shows up, however it shows up, is exactly as it was meant to be.

Some thing is coming….I can feel it….not sure what it is….I just know it’s going to push me to PLAY BIGGER. To show up BIGGER. To live BIGGER. To love BIGGER. To grow BIGGER.

Something beautiful this way comes…..

And I wait…arms, heart, mind and eyes wide open….

Yes indeed….something beautiful this way comes….

Embrace YOUR “BIGGER”!
*~* J *~*