” Often people attempt to live their lives backwards. They try to have more things, more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are THEN do what you need to do in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young ~

Don’t mind me folks. Just musing out loud. Mind, heart, soul full…yet none of it quite coherent at the moment.

And so, I sit in the ministry of silence, letting life speak to me, letting it feed me clarity. Letting it infuse my willingness to simply BE. Before any thing else. To simply BE.

Having accomplished that, to then simply let go…surrender…ALL OF IT….and let God…trust…IN EVERYTHING…

No matter what I see. Or what I don’t.

It is in this space, this quiet place, that I grow the courage to speak my life into existence. And all it takes iis a single, heart-fetl, soul borne “YES”. A “YES” that resonates so powerfully with the truth of who I am and the decision to BE that person (all day, every day), Life will never think to ask what I’ve said “NO” to.

To live my life in such a way that my YES - all of them - will ALWAYS ring louder than my NO.

Where - every day, in every interaction with self and others - I step boldly and authentically into the truth and beauty of me.

You know…that whole “LIFE UNDER CONSTRUCTION” thing.

Welcome to Wednesday. Dress in your best “YOU”. It looks good on you!

Make it Beautiful!
*~* MsJayy *!*

Over the last few months, I’ve really been trying to get my mindset in the proper gear. To bring my thoughts into alignment with my words, my actions and what it is that my soul truly craves. Some days it’s easy. Some days, it’s tough. And some days…well, some days I just have get up the next day and start all over again

I decided recently that I would eavesdrop. Shhhhh! It’s ok. I’m eavesdropping on the conversations I have with myself, those conversations and/or thoughts I have with and about myself. I’m taking note of what those specific conversations are, what they deal with (money, time, relationships, self-worth, etc) and which occur most often and if they’re triggered by certain people/places or things.

Ironically, someone recently challenged a few people to take note of the 5 convos we have with ourselves most often. When she first said it, I flashed through my mental rolodex of convos-in-my-head.

My first response when THINKING about eaves-dropping on my thoughts? “I need to stop talking to myself!” I had to laugh at that myself!

So here I was telling myself that I needed to stop talking to myself. And as I let that marinate, I realized that talking to myself about myself wasn’t really the issue so NOT talking to myself wasn’t a solution.

I don’t need to STOP talking to myself. I simply need to ELEVATE the conversation. I need to monitor WHAT I say, HOW I say it, WHEN I say it and WHAT leads me to say it.

For example, there’s someone that I want to partner with on a really great personal project. It requires a sizeable outlay of cash on my point. My “old” conversation would be “I don’t have the money for this. Do I really need to spend that kind of money to do this? I can do this on my own.”

My “elevated” conversation is “This matters to me because yada-yada-yada” (insert WHY…a powerful, compelling WHY that will keep me focused and motivated); “Let’s think of ways that I can make this happen.”

The main problem with those conversations I have in my head? They come negative framed — always reminding me of what I don’t have, can’t do, don’t deserve, don’t know, etc. And much too often, those negatively-framed thoughts find their way out of my head, into my actions (or rather my inactivity) and out of my mouth.

None of this is exactly earth-shattering. Yet, there are time we’re so deeply entrenched in the day-to-day stuff of life, we don’t really check in with ourselves to be sure our thinking is on point, that it’s reflective of who we know ourselves to be at our core. We catch ourselves sleepwalking (or in this case “sleep-talking”) again.

They say we teach people how to treat us. Why not start with how I’m treating myself in terms of those loose, go-no-where thoughts? This week, I’m truly going to spend some time focusing on what I’m saying to myself. What I’m thinking. (Words – spoken or not – have energy. I believe that.) Not to chastise myself but simply to be AWARE. From that perspective, I can work on my inner dialogue, and work on my TRANSLATION of those conversations that pull me out of alignment into something more beneficial. Yes, focus on elevating my conversations – both those I have with myself about myself and those I have with others.

I’m going to do some serious eavesdropping on my internal dialogue.

And guess what? I don’t even need permission for a “wi.re.tap”. Ha!

LISTENING to myself…and truly HEARING
*~* MsJayy *~*

There are many things in my life that I’m grateful for:
1. The sound of my niece “Pumpkin” giggling AND speaking loudly enough that I can hear her. She generally speaks so softly that you have to be almost on top of her to really hear her but she’s not like that around me. LOL

2. Returned phone calls :O) even though they’re much shorter than I’d like :O( (“And I…exhaled.” LOL Don’t trip…me just making a funny)

3. Love of silence, love of stillness and being able to gift myself with that, to cultivate silence/stillness even when everything and everyone around me is moving at what appears to be warp speed. Knowing that sometimes, the fastest way to speed up…is simply to SLOW DOWN

4. People who trust me with their secrets, with their pain, with their struggles knowing that my prayer for them is simply that they find peace and purpose as they work it out. Knowing that I can trust these same people with MY secrets, MY pain, MY struggles.

5. The fact that my health insurance carrier has seen the error of their ways and are making payment on those claims. Can you say, “Breathing room”? LOL

6. Learning more about myself and not flinching when things come up “unpretty”.

7. Embracing what’s uncomfortable, learning to NOT opt for “comfort”.

What does any of this have to do with “Mirror, Mirror”?

I’m oh so grateful for the many “mirrors” in my life. And no, I don’t mean the mirrors on the walls, the mirrors I used to check my makeup or my ensemble.

I mean “mirrors” in terms of those people, places, and/or situations that show up in my life and reflect my behavior back to me. I mean the “mirror” of my soul – that reflection inside that comes out whether we’re ready to see it or not. The one that shows up behind a shadow of doubt when we are out of alignment with our spirits, with who we’re meant to be.

Those are the mirrors that matter most to me. They can be painful at times because even though I walk around singing like Mary J. “I like what I see when I’m looking at me when I’m walking past the mirror”….some days? All that equates to is me singing a song, not me living that statement out loud.

But the beauty of seeing what you don’t like reflected in the mirror is that you have an opportunity to change it. You get a change to acknowledge it and then do what you need to do to correct it. It’s easy enough to gloss it over, hide those imperfections behind make-up, hair styles, clothes, or other masks. But late at night when you’re all alone, you have to take off all that “stuff” and guess what? There you are: caught in your “unpretty”.

I came across a mirror this week in an unexpected person. This chick’s behavior was making my teeth itch OVERTIME. And before I knew it, my mouth was full of complaints. (Talk about “bad breath”!) Well, I caught the glint of a sunlight bouncing off a mirror and stopped to really LOOK at what was happening.

It wasn’t HER that was bothering me. It was ME. Projecting my behavior onto her. She was simply showing up, being herself. I was the one caught in a costume, not really showing up in all my authenticity.

Another person literally held a mirror up to my face and shared with me something that I needed to do, to step up. Can I be honest? While I knew her telling me that meant that some other folks noticed and were talking about it, I was irritated. Ready with my list of things THEY needed to do, my list of reasons excuses why I was acting this way when I caught a glimpse in the mirror again. I dropped back and adjusted myself. Quick. Fast. And…in a hurry. Not because I was overly concerned about what other people thought but…because what I was projecting isn’t the truth of who I am. And I need folks to never, ever, EVA get THAT twisted.

And so, I’m grateful for finding mirrors in my life, when and where I need them. I’m grateful for the willingness to look in those mirrors, see what’s “unpretty” and working to change it…not to hide it or cover it up.

“Mirror, Mirror reflecting me…
Help me become beautiful authentically”

Off to work on some poetry titled ‘unpretty’

Reflecting love, light & laughter,
~ MsJayy ~