I remember when writing on this blog felt like I was giving myself breathing room, space to decompress and just let myself BE. In a lot of ways, it still does.When I find my way back to this spot, when I give myself permission to speak without trying to dress my thoughts for public consumption.

So…why am I restricting my own “breathing” so to speak, holding my blog posts hostage? *sigh*
I wish I knew.

I tell myself I need to do better. And I do. I tell myself that I CAN do better. And I can. I tell myself that I deserve better. And I do. I tell myself that I will do better. And…

Better is ALWAYS a possibility in whatever we do. Knowing this, why do I NOT choose that for myself? What kind of sadistic hypocrisy is that? It is straight up SHIGGIDTY!

“Better” is no longer an option – it’s a MUST. Maybe even a sanity saver.

I’ve been doing a lot of processing lately. Trying to get to the root of whatever triggered this bout of mental/spiritual/emotional “CFS” (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Things happen. And they have. Such is life. Yet, nothing “MAJOR” has happened. Maybe this current malady is residual in nature? But from what? I’m blocking myself. Why?

I wonder. And I push myself to press forward in spite of whatever is blocking me…even when it’s me. I push because of the voice in my heart, my spirit – not the voices in my head or the voices of well-meaning friends/family. I push because I know that I’m meant for more – to do more, to give more, to share more. I push because I’m afraid of being stuck in this spot. And while I’m pushing, I tell myself it doesn’t matter WHY I push – it just matters that I push FORWARD, TOWARD progress. That I keep pushing, resting when I need to but never stopping.

I come to the end of this post with way more questions than answers and in my heart, I know that’s ok. I’ve learned that the true value is in the question, uncovering and asking the ‘right’ question, not the answer. Being courageous enough to ask yourself the hard question and then standing up under the answer no matter how ‘unpretty’ it may be.

And just like *that*, what I’m sure looks like a big ball of confusion to most people becomes more breathing room for me.

And that’s what I came to this blog hoping for: Breathing room. And naked truth.

Got both. In abundance.

Live SoulFULLY!
*~* MsJayye *~*