Missed me?

Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t. And yes, it DOES matter. To a degree. But more importantly, I miss me. The “me” that somehow shows up in this space open, vulnerable, truthful, optimistic, ready to love and be loved, growing, evolving…the “me” I tend to keep hidden from myself. The “me” of me.

I tell myself that my blogging mojo has weakened. And maybe it has to some degree. It’s a theme that’s not foreign among bloggers. And while it may right true for me in some ways, there’s something else (or some THINGS) at play though I don’t seem able to name them at the moment.

I believe part of it has to do with itchy people. You know, those people who brush up against your life, against your spirit, and leave you itchy like rough fabrics. Generally you can wash the clothing and remove the itchiness but I’ve yet to see a washer - even industrial sized - big enough to hold itchy people. Now, don’t get it twisted - itchy people aren’t a new phenomena to me or anyone else. It’s just that, depending on where you are in life and what you’re going through, they can affect you negatively. I’ve had them slow me down before but they have yet to stop me. They can’t. I know this.

So…why am I stuck in terms of blogging or writing in general? The “itchies” have NEVER impacted my ability to write. EVER. And so, I know there’s something else at work. I tell myself I’ll recover that blogging/writing feeling after my sites are redesigned. But more importantly, I know that what’s keeping my fingers from caressing the keys as I capture the poetic images that flood my mind is me. Me resisting the emergence of the woman I keep hidden even from myself. She wants me to tell the story, to let the light hit it, to let the breeze ruffle the hem of her tattered dress. She wants me to be brave, to be open. To be naked. And sometimes, I hate her for that. LOL

And so, I hide her behind 140 characters on twitter. (Hi, my name is MsJayye & I’m a twitterholic. Don’t even THINK about an intervention - it ain’t gonna happen.) I try to hide her but she is there. Filling the space of each and every tweet I send. I see her. I feel her. And she gives me that space in which to coach myself out loud but still hidden. The grace to coax myself out of myself at my own pace. Maybe I don’t hate her. I’m intrigued by her, fascinated…beguiled. I envy her and want to study her sense of freedom, her ease in being. I yearn to replicate it from a place where she and I have merged, our beings fused as they should be. She gives me patience - this woman I keep hidden from myself. She gives me tenderness, acceptance, understanding. And love. Lots of love.Unwavering.Unconditional.Love.

And in exchange? I will give birth to the naked truth of us. In time.

But today? Today I string together a series of “six word stories” that interrupted me yesterday and revealed themselves to the “Twitterverse”. Who know a wordy chick like me could find a whole other level of being - first within 140 characters and then within six words?

Enjoy these morsels of my poetic buffet!

Enjoy your weekend! Find ways to noursish yourself - mind, body & soul! You deserve it.

SoulFULLY,
*~* MsJayye *~*

I know it’s been more than a minute. Regardless – let’s do this!

Today, I celebrate beautifully painful, soul-growing, evolutionary truth that moves me deeper into my authentic self.

Today, I celebrate the fact that, while it’s hard, I am brave enough to look fear in the eye, tell it to either ‘GET DOWN OR LAY DOWN” and hold myself in a space that says I’m more than enough and that I cannot lose.

Today, I celebrate the fact that, while I passed on an opportunity that would have allowed me to move closer to my dream, I know that delay isn’t denial. I recognize that before you can PLAY your position, you must PREPARE for that position. And I’m honest enough with myself and the giver of the dream to know when I’m not ready to suit up.

I celebrate the recognition of those people, places and situations that mirror my stuff back to me. It’s not always easy to look at but there is no shame or weakness in knowing and facing the truth.

I celebrate the fact that, when I’m afraid or too weary to even whisper a hint of my dream and my purpose to the world, my spirit is always strong enough to whisper it to my heart.

I celebrate the fact that my muse has come for a visit though I don’t like what she wants me to unpack. What will I hide behind after she strips me down? Being naked, being that vulnerable takes a level of strength and faith I’m not sure I’ve mastered. And yet, I know enough about the muse and who sent her to know that I will not win this. I will write my nakedness in snatches of pretty poetry that leave me breathless and yet free. And I know that even though I will never “win” this struggle with my muse – I must obey – I will also never lose.

I celebrate the fact that 140 characters can spark my creativity, that 140 characters at a time can foster such great connections. That I can coach myself out loud in 140 characters spurts.

I celebrate the fact that that single text message has kept me smiling for two days. *giggle* I celebrate what your energy means to me. I celebrate the gift of your friendship.

And right about now? I celebrate the fact that I have other things to do and shall set about doing just that.

Enjoy your day! Have a safe & enjoyable holiday weekend!

Live in the moment!
*~* MsJayye *~*