For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an avid reader. Love, love. LOVE a good book. Last year I found my reading slacking off in a major decline. I didn’t buy any fewer books (*sigh*)….I just read fewer.

::::looking at huge pile of books from corner of my eye::::

I’m in the process of clearing space in my life, making room for what I want, what I enjoy and reading would be among those things. So, as I work through all the ‘stuff” in my house, I’m sorting through a veritable sea of books. I’ve been rounding up all those books that are lying around the house and sorting them accordingly.

The “tried-and-true” books that I absolutely love and would never part with. You know the ones you TELL people about but you don’t LEND to anyone. LOL

The books I want to read (my “TBRL”pile…”to be read later”).

The books that aren’t mine (trust me – that’s not even enough to constitute a pile. LOL).

The books that I own but for the life of me cannot figure out why – they aren’t really my thing. *shrug*

Can I tell you something? My “TBRL” pile is HUGE. And just grew by the addition of 4 more books Saturday (Psst….Q? Thanks for the bday gift!!). The “TBRL” is a mix of “Dang! You just getting around to reading that?” to “OOO! Hot off the presses!” and includes fiction and non-fiction (personal development, business, personal finance, health, POETRY, spiritual, history…you name it).

I’d say my reading slump is well on its way to being over…yep, OVA. I’ve already devoured three books this month and am working my way through a few more as we speak. Whoo-hoo!

So far I’ve knocked out the following:

1. “One in a Million” (Kimberla Lawson Roby) – quick easy read

2. “The Million Dollar Divorce” (RM Johnson) – an “older” book but I won the sequel in a contest so I wanted to read this book before cracking the spine of part two

3. “Been There, Seen It All” (Pearl Cleage) – what can I say? I absolutely LOVE Pearl Cleage’s work. She is one of those writers who make me curl up with a book in one hand and pen/paper/highlighter in the other as I always find myself amazed as how she strings words/phrases together. She is among a few others who, when I hear they have a new release, I don’t even search for information beyond publication date. LOL Yeah, it’s THAT serious.

Right now, I’m wading through “The Million Dollar Redemption” (RM Johnson), “Come on People” (Bill Cosby/Alvin Pouissant), “The One-Minute Coach” (Masha Milka) and “Outliers” (Malcolm Gladwell). Yes, I can read more than one book at a time. No, I don’t usually blend this many at one time. LOL Actually, “Outliers” will probably go back into the “TBRL” pile – I’m just not that into it at the moment.

Feels good to immerse myself in the pages of a really good book again. To curl up on the sofa with a cup of tea and lose myself in characters that almost walk off the page. To find truths about myself or ways to move forward in my life inside the pages of non-fiction offerings.

Hmmm….now that I think about it, I did challenge myself to read at least one book/month as we move into 2009. I’d say I’m well on my way.

So, what’s on YOUR nightstand? What’s in YOUR “TBRL” pile? I’m always open for recommendations and read almost every genre (not big on Sci-fi but…I have two writer friends who challenge that notion). Now if I can just bring myself to utilize the library more instead of BUYING books, we might really be on to something.

(Oops! Almost forgot…I’m rereading my friend Princess Dominique’s non-fiction book, “The Plural Thing”. A chapter a month for an ongoing online discussion where else? At The Plural Thing. (Shhhh! I know - to be part of the actual discussion, I hafta post. I’ma get around to it…um…in a minute.)

BEFORE:

AFTER:

This past week I found myself in a serious state of ‘overwhelm’.

I mean plop-down-in-the-middle-of-the-“mess”-overwhelm. “Don’t-know-what-to-do-much-less-how-to-do-it” overwhelm. “Where-do-I-start?!?!” overwhelm. “W-T-H” overwhelm. “I-can’t-breathe” overwhelm. “Lord-Father-Jesus-Help-me-Amen” overwhelm.

Yeah. You know that place….yeah…right…THERE.

I did literally sit myself right down in the midst of all that swirling, all that mess. Trying to calm myself. To think clearly. To just see the next step…not all the way to the end but just that one tiny little step in front of me. To breathe.

See, I’ve undertaken a MAJOR personal project this year. MAJOR. I can’t emphasize enough that it is MAJOR. (To me anyway.) And I’m making strides daily to accomplish this goal. I’m definitely on track to get this done. I’m very clear with myself (and anyone else with whom I’ve shared this project) that I must accomplish it: there is no other option. I’m clear as to what it costs me to live this way. I’m clear as to what it will cost me to continue to live this way. And while I know that it will cost me now to rectify the situation, the rewards will be astronomical and pay me back in dividends too many to name or measure. I know this.

And if those things aren’t enough, I have a negative external “motivator” that pushes me forward when I want to give in and just let this situation remain. Some might label this ‘external motivator’ a “hater”. Personally, I label it “foolishness” but hey, that’s just me. Now don’t get it twisted – I am in no ways relying on this negative ‘external motivator’ to get me over the hump. Instead, it is a reminder to me that many will try to force limitations on you for whatever reason but…as long as you stay true to YOU…it’s just a string of useless words.

Anywho, I’m making progress. It’s a sizeable goal…definitely doable…achievable. SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely. Most definitely.

And yet…I’ve found myself on the verge of overwhelm a few times. Shoot, truth be told? I’ve found myself smack dab in the MIDDLE of overwhelm. LOL It doesn’t help that, while this is definitely a long-term goal (“timely” = EOY 2009), I’m juggling a couple of other big goals. And then…a little personal sit-che-a-tion came up that has me on the ropes at the moment.

See? Instant overwhelm.

So….what’s a girl to do?

Well, I stepped back and thought about the who/what/why/when/how of it all – why this goal, why now, could it wait, etc. I reminded myself of my “WHY”, the reason it matters so very much to me at this point in my life AND that I’m not willing to give up another thing to this situation…not nay one mo’ thing. And I mean that. I reminded myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day and this goal wouldn’t be accomplished in a day either. I slowed down long enough to celebrate how far I’ve come since January 1. And reminded myself that no matter what it looks like to my naked eye, I know the truth of the story. I know where the transformation has occurred.

I decided to give myself a little breathing room. So…Friday night, I met two of my girlfriends for a belated bday dinner. We had a great time over great food, laughed until our sides hurt and we were in tears. Drove myself home for a nice quick soak in a tub full of warm water, lavender scented oils and more bubbles than the law should allow. Snatched a few minutes of talk-time with Princess So Fabulous and made plans to meet them at my Mom’s the next day. Got there in time Saturday for a home-cooked meal, to tickle my nieces/nephews, catch up with BigBro #5, and relax.

I’m back home. Ready to do what needs to be done. Daily. Small steps. Building in moments of rest (cause burn-out is NOT an option). Counting it all joy.

Knowing that in the end, I will win. I got this. I know it.

I’m talking about “Deep-down-inside-where-it-really-counts” know it.

Even in those moments when I need to stop, refocus, and catch my breath…

It was over before it started. LOL

“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.” ~ President Barack Obama

You can’t prove the truth of YOUR life based on how someone else lives their life.

You can’t.

No matter how hard you try.

And so….personally? I suggest you don’t even try. Save your strength and energy cause it’s not going to happen.

Have you ever met someone who was determined to prove something about YOUR life wrong based on THEIR experiences?

FOOL.ISH.NESS.

Pure D, Grade A FOOLISHNESS.

I hit on a few situations like that recently, where I’m working on a personal endeavor simular to what someone else has done in the past. Looking at MY life, knowing what I know about ME, the task at hand, knowing what my commitment level is in moving this from my “To Do” list to “Got it Done!” list, and knowing what I will gain from this accomplishment, it’s an easy breezy task for me.

Now, I know that at some point in the game, it’s going to get tight. I’m not blind to that fact. And I know that, for some people, it’s tight from the gate. But we’re not talking about them…we’re talking about me.

And if there’s one thing I know and know well, it’s ME.

And trust me when I tell you this: I DEFINITELY know me better than anyone else involved in those conversations. LOL

Let’s talking writing for example. Now, I know that writing (whether it’s poetry, fiction, articles, whatever) can be hard even for the best of us. I have a project in mind that has me F-I-R-E-D up and so, I set a goal for myself. That’s when “Doubting Dora” came along, trying to kick down sandcastles and drown dreams with tales of what HER journey was like. I can appreciate the sharing of her journey. I glean from it what will serve me on my personal journey and I keep moving.

I acknowledge the truth of her journey, say thanks and go on about my way. Maybe “Doubting Dora” took it personally (well, “Doubting Dora” in one case, “Doubtful Dan” in two others). The fact that I wasn’t detered by their experiences. Did they really expect me to alter my path based on what life had unfurled for them? I can’t live my life through someone else’s experiences. That my love would be a very bad re-run (or a hit “reality” TV show. Ha!). I can’t. My footsteps are not made for the path they walked.

I scratched my head over those situations for a quick minute because I was trying to “understand” it. I was talking about it with a “board-of-directors” member and she reminded me of what I always tell her when understanding seems slow in coming, “Do you need to understand it? You know, if you did understand it, you’d be as crazy as they are!”. (I’m gonna omit the part about them feeding my words back to me. Hmph!)

Some folk just have a need to “prove” others wrong (or to tell it most truthfully, to prove themselves right). I gave up the need to prove people “wrong” many years ago. Thank Godness! And I haven’t had a relapse since. Finally weaned myself off the need to be “right” too. I’ve never been a competive person. I know that each morning when I get up, the only person I need to prove anything to…the only person I need to outshine is the person I was the day before. Real talk.

En-Tee-who…I left it alone. I reminded myself that whatever it is that I’m working towards is not bound by what anyone ELSE says or does — only by what I do. That’s what matters most. And so, I set about chopping my goal down, day by day. I may not make it but two things I know:

1. If I don’t, it won’t be because of the truth of anyone else’s experiences but mine.
2. I will have traveled as far as I can on that road under my own energy, my own vision and my personal truth.

I can live with that.

So…I end this the same way I chose to begin this:

You can’t prove the truth of YOUR life based on how someone else lives their life.

Let it go.

Seriously.

Because at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. This is my path. While we may be walking together, this is still MY path. And on the pedometer of my life, only MY footsteps count.

Live SoulFULLY,
*~* MsJayy *~*

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Please do NOT invest your time, energy, money and sanity in trying to keep up with “The Joneses”. Opt to keep up with “The Bills” instead.

Yep. That’s it.

A couple of days ago, I had in mind what I thought was an absolutely inspired post. I smiled at the thought, kept on doing whatever I was doing at the moment…and promptly forgot what I wanted to blog about. Ha! That’ll learn me right? WRITE IT DOWN SISTAH! (Like I don’t know THAT rule of thumb) What can I say? I’m still wrapped in the euphoria of my birthday. On to the matter at hand…..

While we’re still sitting on the edge of the New Year, many of us are making resolutions, establishing affirmations, setting goals, making plans – whatever it is you call your process. I’m still working though the details of what I want to create with my 365 360 days of 2009.

Perhaps I’ll share my 2009 goals with you later this month. In the meantime, I leave you with this ultimate resolution, my ultimate goal, my ultimate life affirmation. Perhaps it will speak to your spirit and heart as well. Know that what I want for myself, I wish for you in multiples. So…here we are…my “love letter” to life as it unfolds in 2009…to the Creator…to myself…Part I.

“There’s nothing you can’t accomplish now as long as you can visualize it clearly. So what’s the hold up? Start picturing exactly how you’d like your life to be. Your only boundary is the reach of your imagination. Meditate, dream and fantasize.”

That little goody landed in my inbox this morning. I find it a not-so subtle nudge from my spirit. Why you ask?

See, what had happened was…

I’ve always been a dreamer. Always. I create these wonderful images of how I want things to be, what I want life to look like, how my books will look on the shelves of bookstores all over the world, how that house on the river will look, etc. I’ve always been able to paint a picture (whether it’s via images in my mind or words on a page) of what I thought or want life to be.

Well…last year I was talking to someone about imagery and how important it is to hold a picture of what you want in your mind as you take steps to create that very thing. The power of positive visualization, right?

Some time after that conversation, I was mulling over the idea of visualization and stumbled upon this little truth: while I am quite adept at SEEING the situation in my mind, I can’t say that I always SEE myself in that image.

For example, if you ask me to describe my “dream” house, I can lay it out for you - room by room, wall colors, carpeting/flooring, appliances, cabinetry, yard, etc. BUT…in all the imagining I’ve done, I don’t know that I’ve ever “seen” myself IN that house, in that image.

I imagine my ultimate career. “See” the events, “see” the audience, “see” the outfit I wear….
But…do I “see” me? Do I “see” me in the midst of all of that? Do I “see” me talking? Networking? Meeting & greeting? Answering questions? Leading discussions or whatever else comes with that ultimate career? Honestly? I don’t think I’ve “seen” myself in those images either.

And I wonder aloud is it just me or do other people have the same “issue”? After all, I can be a bit of a strange bird. LOL I’m not sure if NOT seeing myself in those images “means” anything but it does remind me of the movie scenes with the child drawing pictures of their family and the psychologist pointing out the they left someone out of the picture. (Cue the music: dun..dun..dunnnnn)

Hmmm…what an interesting turn of events. A parting gift from 2008 perhaps. Is my vision really “off”? Is it that no matter what I “say” or “think”, I really can’t “SEE” myself having/doing those very things?

In addition to holding the thought of what I want life to look, feel and be as we move into the New Year, I need to be sure I’m painting myself into the picture in bright, vibrant, happy colors while I move to actually build that dream, that image, that vision out loud in my life. Hmmm…just thought about something else. One of my mantras is “Say it until you see it.” As I move into 2009, I suppose the missing piece to that mantra is to “SEE IT AS I SAY IT”.

Lesson #1 for 2009. (Um, well, lesson #1 that I’ve actually blogged about. I mean, c’mon - it’s January 4th. You KNOW I’ve hit upon other soul lessons in these 4 days. LOL)

Here’s to clear vision!

Live SoulFULLY,
*~* MsJayy *~*

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.” Unknown

Happy New Year to You!!

I love New Years. And not just because my birthday rolls right into New Year’s Day.

I love the possibilities that New Years brings. The chance to start over, to do something new and different…to BE different. No matter what happened in the year that we just laid to rest, we are gracefully granted with a chance to start anew.

Some of us tiptoe into the New Year, apprehensive about what will unfold, peeking behind the months on the calendar, holding our breath. Others of us rush into the New Year as if someone or something is chasing us, afraid to look behind us, ready to rush across the threshold, slam the door and lock it behind us. Me? I intended to strut into 2009, my power walk in full effect. But, before I grab 2009 by the hand, I invited 2008 in for a cup of my favorite tea (South African Honeybush Vanilla), and a chance to really look at “the way things were”…you know, review the 2008 page in my life’s scrapbook.

Before I kissed 2008 goodbye, I held it close to me, embracing every single thing it brought my way — the good, the bad, and the ugly. I looked at how the year started, how it ended and all the living that took place in the gooey middle. I looked at the goals I set for myself coming into 2008, how far I got in terms of accomplishing them, and mapping out what I want to create with the 365 days of Playdoh that is 2009.

I’m excited. I think I’m in love…with my life, with the infinite possibilities that await me…

There is nothing like a endless supply of INFINITE POSSIBILITIES.

And who wouldn’t be excited by THAT?

Here’s to a New Year that finds YOU blessed beyond measure!

Live SoulFULLY,
*~* MsJayy *~*