You been to my blog before? If so, you know how much I cherish my family & friends. It takes some major stuff for me to walk away from anybody in my inner circle. And I do mean MAJOR. That is the kind of stuff that tears at my spirit - watching a small tear in the fabric of an inner circle friendship move from what can be repaired…to something that can’t be salvaged.

I don’t throw people away. Me calling you friend means something to me. It doesn’t come with a whole lot of unnecessary caveats - but things like respect, honesty, authenicity are non-negotiable. Cross the line and I’m heading for the bridge. Cross the line KNOWINGLY and not make a move to rectify the situation? I walk away quick enough to set the air on fire.

For a while now, I’ve been observing some things - some said, some done - none of them good. Things weren’t adding up but I’m big on giving folks the benefit of the doubt. But recently? I watched someone kneel knowingly at the base of the bridge crossing over to our friendship and strike a match. Not once looking back.

I’m standing on the other side, watching curiously. Others around me are amazed at how calm I am in the midst of all this cause this was some straight up, selfish, raggedy shyt. If I really wanted to be hateful, where this person lit a match, I could strike dynamite. It’s not worth it. And so, I’m watching. With a sense of finality, a sense of detached curiosity knowing that at some point in the near future, contact between us is mandatory. Knowing that me having to initiate it is simply a lesser form of dynamite.

And so, I watch. Patiently. Waiting to see what really comes through as the truth of character. See, if I’m your friend? If I’m your girl? You don’t put me in situations of any kind but particularly this brand of messiness. We be grown & so, what you do is on you BUT…never ever put me in a situation where my character can be called into question and NEVER, EVER let me find that your words come with a serious discount.

So for now, I’m sitting in the shade on the other side of this bridge, a lake of water near the base on my side. I’m watching the slow burn. Waiting to see if that pail of water at the base on the other side is going to be used to douse the fire…or if you’re going to simply let it burn.

I wait calmly, patiently…oddly at peace.

I guess it’s because I know these two things:

1. You don’t have to burn bridges - you can simply drive over them.

2. THIS bridge? This bridge needed repair. Maybe it was too weak to start with. Maybe it couldn’t be shored up, repaired. And maybe, just maybe…this bridge? This bridge has NEVER really crossed me over. Not in any way that mattered.

At the end of the day, your words and actions are how you’re truly known. If they don’t match, the picture folks have of you is distorted. Sometimes? My vision gets a bit blurred but today? I promise you - I can see clearly….

“London Bridge” ain’t the only one that’s falling down.

Keep on Living,
*~* MsJayy *~*

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) - Virginia is planning to unveil and dedicate the Virginia Civil Rights Memorial on the grounds of the state Capitol later this month.

Officials say the events will take place July 20 and 21.

The memorial honors Robert Russa Moton High School student Barbara Johns and her fellow classmates. In April 1951, she and her classmates participated in a walkout to protest the conditions of their segregated school in Prince Edward County.

Governor Tim Kaine says the students led the charge to create a more just and equitable educational system.

The court case eventually joined with four other cases to become the landmark 1954 U.S. Supreme Court case of Brown versus Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas.

Interesting story. The whole integration of Moton High, Civil Rights, and Barbara Johns…and how this memorial came to be.

It’s been said that, as she was walking around what was to be her new home, the young daughter of then-Governor Mark Warner took in all the statues (6) and noted that none were of women…or from the Civil Rights era. She then asked her mother, “Where’s Rosa Parks?”.

Out of the mouth of babes indeed.

Nope, this isn’t about “Spamalot” the musical.

This is about s.p.a.m.

A lot.

I logged into my blog a few minutes ago and found 72 comments awaiting moderation.

72.

Seriously.

All dated between this past Saturday and Sunday.

What’s the point of s.p.a.m.? Seriously. What’s the point? Or better yet, is there one?

Is it just to irritate the ish out of people? Or does somebody out there really think that folks are gonna see that crap and click on the link?

I know folks whose websites have been crippled by s.p.a.m…mostly on their guestbooks. What a mess.

Thank goodness I’ve got a super-duper s.p.a.m catcher.

Live true, Love deep. Happy Friday!

Live DELICIOUSLY,
*~* MsJayy *~*

Last night as I was sitting home euphoric about my treasure trove of creative ideas and thinking about my muse (NOTE: Pssst….you…yes YOU…I’ll save you some cut/paste time…for the record – yep, it’s Y-O-U. Seriously).

I remember smiling and thinking about how great my week has been. There’ve been a few bumps and nonsensical moments but nothing to take the shine off what else has shown up. As a matter of fact, I had the same conversation with a coworker about 2 hours ago.

And then…it happened.

My nephew…D…”Da Dynasty”…sent me this whacked out series of text messages. My head hurts. Me confuzzled. In a mighty way. AND in a bad way. Honestly? I just want to go home and shut the world out. Am I being overly dramatic? Prolly. But I don’t know where this latest ‘thought’ of his came from. And it is quite clear that he has not thought deeply about it because the ramifications are huge. But…I remind myself that he is not my child…and in many situations (including this one), he’s considered an adult.

So….here’s what I’m doing about it:

1. Said a prayer – for clarity on his behalf and peace for myself
2. Emailed him & asked him some questions, a few things for him to think about
3. Let it go
4. Dug up J. Anthony Brown’s parody of Rev. Jesse “Foot-in-mouth-so-deep-I-can’t-walk” Jackson based on Jennifer Hudson’s “Spotlight”. (What a hot, befuddled, idiotic mess! Ugh! Jesse gets my “SCAD” award - “Sit Cho A** Down)

Why? Cause in addition to peace and surrender, it helps if I laugh (well, at least in lieu of what I’m told is the most awesome hug. I’m gonna need to do a little “quality control” on that issue. What? I’m just saying….)

Enjoy the “music”!

Jesse’s Not Right

In case the link doesn’t work, cut & paste this in your browser:
http://affiliate.kickapps.com/kickapps/_Jesses-Not-Right-/audio/148849/16936.html

Off to enjoy a refreshing lunch…sans libations (for the moment),
*~* MsJayy *~*

(Hmmm…third post of the day…what’s up with that????)

Not that I’m complaining in any way, shape, form, or fashion but um…I think my muse is popping v-i-a-g-r-a cause some stuff is sho’ nuff getting worked over, shook loose, and birthed up in heah. I’m loving it!!

I probably have enough creative ideas to keep me occupied for the next five years. (If I could keep myself moving on them.) I have an idea in mind for a line of products that’s been brewing for a while now.

Being the visual person that I am, I really have to *see* these things so I shift into “prototype” mode where I go in the “lab” and make a few mock-ups. I did that last night with one of my ideas. Talk about excited. It still makes me giggle. I sent an email to a few “inner circle” folks sharing my excitement…even though I know tweaks are in order. It’s just a matter of actually seeing it “in the flesh” so to speak. Can’t wait until it’s quitting time on the 9-2-5 so I can hit the craft/office store and get what’s needed for my 2nd prototype.

(It’s been raining poetry too. Thanks to a different muse…who probably doesn’t know just how much he “muses” me. *SIGH*)

My muse can be temperamental so I’ve learned to go with the flow. For me that means, capturing what’s delivered on paper in that moment so that when the Muse brings something else to the table, I can leave a detailed trail to pick it up again when it’s time to circle back.

Now…if I could just sweet talk my Muse into dropping more “concreteness” where my first novel is concerned….

That? That would be pure F-I-Y-A-H!!

In the zone (DEEP) & loving every minute of it
*~* MsJayy *~*

Maybe I shouldn’t ask but….

Should I be Concerned?

Um…ok….so…I go into a restroom. It’s small…3 maybe 4 stalls. As I open the door to the restroom, a lady comes out of one of the stalls. We speak. I enter a different stall. She washes her hands and leaves.

As I’m coming out of the stall, another lady enters the restroom and goes to a different stall – not the one that the first person exited.

Ok, I’m standing at the sink washing my hands. When I turn to get paper towels, I notice that…in the stall that the first lady used….the seat is up….

THE.SEAT.IS.UP.

Um…er…neva mind. I’on EVEN wanna know. Seriously.

Slightly “confuzzled”,
*~* MsJayy *~*

” Often people attempt to live their lives backwards. They try to have more things, more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are THEN do what you need to do in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young ~

Don’t mind me folks. Just musing out loud. Mind, heart, soul full…yet none of it quite coherent at the moment.

And so, I sit in the ministry of silence, letting life speak to me, letting it feed me clarity. Letting it infuse my willingness to simply BE. Before any thing else. To simply BE.

Having accomplished that, to then simply let go…surrender…ALL OF IT….and let God…trust…IN EVERYTHING…

No matter what I see. Or what I don’t.

It is in this space, this quiet place, that I grow the courage to speak my life into existence. And all it takes iis a single, heart-fetl, soul borne “YES”. A “YES” that resonates so powerfully with the truth of who I am and the decision to BE that person (all day, every day), Life will never think to ask what I’ve said “NO” to.

To live my life in such a way that my YES - all of them - will ALWAYS ring louder than my NO.

Where - every day, in every interaction with self and others - I step boldly and authentically into the truth and beauty of me.

You know…that whole “LIFE UNDER CONSTRUCTION” thing.

Welcome to Wednesday. Dress in your best “YOU”. It looks good on you!

Make it Beautiful!
*~* MsJayy *!*

Over the last few months, I’ve really been trying to get my mindset in the proper gear. To bring my thoughts into alignment with my words, my actions and what it is that my soul truly craves. Some days it’s easy. Some days, it’s tough. And some days…well, some days I just have get up the next day and start all over again

I decided recently that I would eavesdrop. Shhhhh! It’s ok. I’m eavesdropping on the conversations I have with myself, those conversations and/or thoughts I have with and about myself. I’m taking note of what those specific conversations are, what they deal with (money, time, relationships, self-worth, etc) and which occur most often and if they’re triggered by certain people/places or things.

Ironically, someone recently challenged a few people to take note of the 5 convos we have with ourselves most often. When she first said it, I flashed through my mental rolodex of convos-in-my-head.

My first response when THINKING about eaves-dropping on my thoughts? “I need to stop talking to myself!” I had to laugh at that myself!

So here I was telling myself that I needed to stop talking to myself. And as I let that marinate, I realized that talking to myself about myself wasn’t really the issue so NOT talking to myself wasn’t a solution.

I don’t need to STOP talking to myself. I simply need to ELEVATE the conversation. I need to monitor WHAT I say, HOW I say it, WHEN I say it and WHAT leads me to say it.

For example, there’s someone that I want to partner with on a really great personal project. It requires a sizeable outlay of cash on my point. My “old” conversation would be “I don’t have the money for this. Do I really need to spend that kind of money to do this? I can do this on my own.”

My “elevated” conversation is “This matters to me because yada-yada-yada” (insert WHY…a powerful, compelling WHY that will keep me focused and motivated); “Let’s think of ways that I can make this happen.”

The main problem with those conversations I have in my head? They come negative framed — always reminding me of what I don’t have, can’t do, don’t deserve, don’t know, etc. And much too often, those negatively-framed thoughts find their way out of my head, into my actions (or rather my inactivity) and out of my mouth.

None of this is exactly earth-shattering. Yet, there are time we’re so deeply entrenched in the day-to-day stuff of life, we don’t really check in with ourselves to be sure our thinking is on point, that it’s reflective of who we know ourselves to be at our core. We catch ourselves sleepwalking (or in this case “sleep-talking”) again.

They say we teach people how to treat us. Why not start with how I’m treating myself in terms of those loose, go-no-where thoughts? This week, I’m truly going to spend some time focusing on what I’m saying to myself. What I’m thinking. (Words – spoken or not – have energy. I believe that.) Not to chastise myself but simply to be AWARE. From that perspective, I can work on my inner dialogue, and work on my TRANSLATION of those conversations that pull me out of alignment into something more beneficial. Yes, focus on elevating my conversations – both those I have with myself about myself and those I have with others.

I’m going to do some serious eavesdropping on my internal dialogue.

And guess what? I don’t even need permission for a “wi.re.tap”. Ha!

LISTENING to myself…and truly HEARING
*~* MsJayy *~*

I’ve been listening to a lot of Me’Shell Ndegeocello lately. *shrug* Not sure why but I did unearth a few of my favorite songs.

Hearing this song, seeing this video…reminds me of a friend. Why? Not sure. Does he have locs? Nope. LOL

He does happen to love locs though. Maybe that’s it. Her actions/reactions in this video make me think of how he’d act/react when running his hands through a mass of locs. Hmmmm….

Enjoy!

Hoping your Monday is MEANINGFUL…and MELLOW

*~* MsJayy *~*