So, Will Smith was on Ellen Degeneres the other day. Ellen, who’s planning to marry her partner, Portia de RossiDegrassi, noted the Smith and his wife (Jada Pinkett Smith in case ya didn’t know) have been married for 10 years which is HUGE for Hollywood. (And becoming “huge” for the “rest” of the world as well.)

Hearing either Mr. or Mrs. Smith talk about how they make marriage work for them is not a new thing. Will’s comments Monday had me smiling and nodding my head…kinda like the first time I heard “Parents Just Don’t Understand”.

Here’s what he said:

“What I found is divorce just can’t be an option,” the actor explained. “It’s really that simple. And I think that’s the problem with L.A. – there are so many options. So a huge part of the success for [Jada] and I is that we just removed the other options. We’re like listen, we’re going to be together one way or the other so we might as well try to be happy.”

Love it! LOVE.IT!

I do think some folk take marriage, relationships, commitment much too lightly.

Some years ago, a friend and I were shopping with another friend who was getting married. Again. We were picking out bridal headpieces. The ink on this chick’s divorce had barely dried before she was heading down the aisle again. Mind you, she got married straight out of high school the first time and to say that her first marriage was “abusive” would be an incredible understatement.

I didn’t get the feeling that she really WANTED to get married again. I didn’t even get the feeling that she was in love with the guy. I don’t think she knew how to tell him no. Don’t act shocked – it happens more often than you think (that’s a whole other blog post). Anywho, she was being very lackadaisical about the whole deal and then she said, “Well, I figure if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get another divorce.”

See? Too easy to exercise that option. Instead of opting out before it became legal. And I’ve heard that same kind of sentiment from other people about to walk down the aisle.

Since his appearance on Ellen, I’ve heard people criticize what Will said, saying that “oh so if they miserable as hell, they just gonna stay together and be miserable.”

Check YOUR “filters”. I don’t think either Will or Jada are advocating anybody be miserable.

Can I tell ya’ll something?

“Miserable” does NOT sneak up on people.

I’m serious. You don’t wake up one day and realize that you’re “miserable”. You feel it coming. It festers. It grows over time…if you aren’t proactive enough to head it off.

The trick is learning to get in front of “miserable”, yank up the welcome mat and get it to keep moving?

THAT’S what I think Will’s point was – divorce “can” be an option – but it should be the LAST option…not the first choice.

Know what else I liked about his “Options” statement?

It’s transferable to other areas of your life..

Like…
…how much farther along would you be towards whatever your dream is…f you removed the option to do anything BUT succeed?

That book would be written (*ahem*), that movie made, that line of clothing launched, that business opened, that child on the dean’s list, that money saved, that home purchased, that degree hanging on the wall, that weight lost AND maintained.

Make no mistakes about it – having options is a good thing.

The tricky part comes in knowing WHEN to exercise that option…AND knowing WHICH option to exercise.

Live DELICIOUSLY!
*~* MsJayy *~*