Say it ain’t so!!

Tell me I didn’t hear what I heard when Tom Joyner said what he said!!! Please tell me that Tom did NOT say that Tavis was quitting….

I met Tavis Smiley about 7-8 years ago. My girlfriend swears I lost my mind. LOL If I were naming ‘celebrity crushes’, he would definitely be near the top. Nothing is sexier to me than a brother with a well-exercised, toned mind. For real. Stimulate my intellect? I’m weak at the knees. Toss in the strength of his conviction, the fact that he’s purpose-driven, confident (not to be confused with cocky). Whew! Fan me! Um…anyway…where was I going with all of this?

I must say that I’m surprised, I’m disappointed and I’m sad.

I truly thought Tavis had thicker skin. I know it’s not easy working on behalf of people and feeling like sometimes, you’re not getting through, not being appreciated and I applaud folk who keep at it. I truly admire theim. I know it’s a difficult place to be in when you’ve doing what you believe you’re called to do and those whom you feel called to serve don’t receive it in the manner in which you intended. It is a major internal struggle. That’s when it becomes absolutely critical that YOU are clear about what it is you are called to do, for whom, WHY, and if you were truly called…or you simply showed up.

According to Joyner, Smiley says he has a lot on his plate and can’t continue to do TJMS. Ummm…Tavis? I love you but Baby please don’t EVER try to play me for a fool. He’s ALWAYS had a lot on his plate. So now it’s too full? Joyner says he thinks it’s in part because Tavis needs to feel love from the people he serves, the Black community. I don’t doubt Smiley’s love for Black people at all. No matter what he says, how he says it or how it gets interpreted. But if you’re called to serve Black people, if you feel that’s your purpose in life…you have to know that some of those same folk are not going to agree with you. AND more importantly, you shouldn’t want or need them to. I always thought that part of what Smiley’s charge was to get us to think more deeply, to think critically about situations, not necessarily to gain consensus. Was I wrong? Do I need to adjust MY expectations? *Scratching my head on this one.*

I listened to the show this morning and heard folks calling in encouraging Tavis to stay. And I wondered to myself, where were this callers when Tavis was taken those on-air beat downs? My people….always late and what not. LOL

I’m perplexed also about this “we-need-to-all-agree” mentality. Is it me or does it lay over the Black community like smog? No, we DON’T all have to agree. We DO have to respect each others’ choices and thought processes. As far as this election is concerned, one thing that has always bothered me is this: how is it that reasonably intelligent people whose candidate of choice differs from someone else’s automatically make the other person wrong? See, for me? The same way they took the time and effort to (hopefully) listen to the candidates on the things that matter most to them, the same way they reviewed their candidates record…I did the same thing. So I’m not easily swayed by anything that ANYBODY says.

Personally, I’m going to miss his commentaries. I know that he’s caught hell over the last few months in regards to what some feel is his “hating” on Barack Obama. But Smiley is a deep thinker, a critical thinker…and we need more of that. Him being off-air doesn’t help us in my opinion.

When he made his first few commentaries about the Senator, I understood his point: we can’t afford to cut Obama any slack because he’s an African-American, we need to hold him to the same standards as we do any other politician, and we certainly shouldn’t get caught up in the possibility of the first African-American president without regard to where he stands on issues that matter most to us individually, and collectively both as African-Americans and as Americans in general. I got that. It didn’t feel like hate to me – it felt like plain old commonsense.

Am I surprised that some took his initial commentaries as “hate”? Nope. But then, you have to admit that there are some people who see anything that falls outside of what THEY think as “hate”. There are some people who see “correction”, “guidance”, “a difference of opinion” or someone giving them the benefit of their knowledge based on experience as “hate”. I understood that.

So Tavis did what he does…he kept pushing people to think about what really matters. To make their choice based on fact, not emotion. Did he challenge everything Obama said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do? Some folk think so. Personally, I didn’t let it sway me. Nope – Smiley’s commentaries didn’t say me one way or the other. For real. Why?

See, as much as I respect Smiley, as much as I believe he has the best interest of Black people at heart, as much as I respect ahis conviction…Tavis Smiley’s beliefs are just that: Tavis Smiley’s beliefs. I have mad love & respect for everything Smiley does on behalf of making the world a better place and I love, love, love people who challenge my thinking/beliefs – it helps me deepen MY conviction. Yep, I have mad love & respect for Tavis Smiley and anyone else along those lines. Know what else I have? A fully functioning brain. A mind of my own, and the ability to know that me not agreeing with someone does NOT equate to me not loving/respecting them and wanting the best for them.

What I know for sure is that in matters of opinion – as much as I love and respect Tavis Smiley or anyone else – in matters of opinion, ultimately it’s MY opinion that truly matters.

It’s been said that Smiley quit because he can’t take the constant barrage of hate he’s received from Black America lately. Do I think he’s “jealous” of Obama? No. Why would he be? Seriously. Do I think he should have tempered his commentaries? Hmmm…I’m not sure; I don’t think so – that wouldn’t have helped his cause any if he’s trying to get us to truly think about what matters most and who’s best equipped to deliver that. I would like to know if at any point in the backlash from Black America, Smiley ever once stepped back to check himself. You know how that goes. Somebody says they think you’re being a certain way. You say it’s not true. But then in the comfort and quiet of your own home, you do a quick check in with yourself…ask yourself honestly if it’s true, if that person’s perception is on point, and if it’s not what is it that you’re doing or saying that led to their perception. Perhaps Smiley did that and came up being okay with his approach. *shrug*

The other things I know for sure: Whether I agree with him or not, we gain nothing as a people or a nation for that matter by not having his voice out in the forefront challenging us to not get caught up in emotion, to not fall for smoke-and-mirrors. To not be like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. We have to pull back the curtain, see who the wizard really is…and who he isn’t.

NOTE: Don’t get it twisted. You still don’t know who I’m supporting. Do you need to? Nope. Prolly not. All you REALLY need to know is that I’m an independent thinker who isn’t easily lead by anyone – no matter how much I love or respect them – I put in the work needed to make my own choice. I’d like to think that would put a smile on Tavis’ face.

Much love to you Tavis.

Somebody out there give Tom Joyner a hug. And a cookie. LOL (Ya’ll know Tom is the “original” cookie monster.) Keep pressing on Black man, keep pressing on.

BTW – as far as political candidates go…I’m not really “against” anybody…I just happen to be very ‘Pro-Me’. The person who fits that bill will definitely get my support and my vote.

Be well.

*~* Jayy *~*

I find myself in such a rich place these days. Rich. Deep. Calling up everything in me that is so very beautifully human. Peeling away of layers that have nothing to do with changes in the weather but everything to do with atmospheric changes in my life. It is an amazing phenomenon. I suppose what I’ve growing through right now is akin to an out-of-body experience. I see myself growing, stretching, changing…becoming more authentically me. To quote Mary J. Blige, “I like what I see when I’m looking at me when I’m walking past a mirror”….especially the mirror of my soul.

Sunday while using the TV as background noise, I happened to hear John Mayer’s song “SAY” from the soundtrack of the movie “The Bucket List”. Loving the sentiment of that song. Here are the lyrics…without

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Listen for yourself:

Yesterday I woke up with “SAY” literally on my mind and more importantly, on my heart. The desire to simply SAY the truth of what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, what I want, what I need in ways that reach deep.

And so, I dashed off an email to someone whose presence I miss to say just that - I miss you. I never have to guess or ask…neither should you.

Called my “babies” (Princess So Fabulous, Peanut & Punkin) to share some giggles and silly songs.

Made a “hang date” with one of my bestest friends.

Called a friend to actually schedule that lunch date we’ve been talking about every since I left the company last year.

Hit my nephew D on the cellie just to check in, no talk of college or financial aid - just “what’s going on”, when’s the prom (and more importantly, who’s the date…it’s Senior Year ya’ll).

Mailed a couple of cards to some folks just to let them know they were on my mind.

Had a really cool conversation with some people from a leadership development class I was in back in 2005. Made plans to attend the “Renewal Session” this Fall.

Called another friend to apologize for whatever part I played in the riff that seems to have developed between us…not sure how much of it is me and you know what? My friendship with this person is much to valuable for me to try to weigh and measure it ergo the apology.

Caught up with my oldest childhood friends - my three “little sisters”. Shared conversation and laughter that peeled away the years until it felt like another warm spring day that we spent doing the same thing - sharing conversation and laughter - sitting under that apple tree in the front yard.

I share all of that to simply say this:

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY.

Short poem.

Well, “short” by my standards.

“Short” in terms of word count….but WAY long in terms of the story it tells.

So much I could say about that poem…not necessary from the POV of actually being in love with someone…but in simply being OPEN to however a relationship unfolds….

…in terms of knowing what your heart’s desire is for that relationship but not pulling, poking, tweaking, twisting or putting it through any gyrations - just letting it unfold - and accepting whatever it becomes…even if it becomes “nothing”…

*sigh*

Don’t mind me folks…I’m just doing a little “soul work”…a little “spiritual or soul excavation” so to speak. Emotional baggage claim.

It’s all good. Perhaps we shall talk about this later….we shall see….

Hope you enjoyed this helping of “Word Stew”.

I admit it - I’m a fan of the show.

Growing up, I wanted to take dance lessons. Just a couple of “minor” snags got in the way…first, with all those kids in my fam, there definitely weren’t any funds for what would have been a “luxury” and second, there was nowhere in my hometown to take such classes. LOL

Anywho, what I’ve always loved about this show is the willingness of the Stars to step outside of themselves, to push through their fears and just get their groove on…no matter how bad it looks to the rest of us.

Can’t say that I’ve ever been much of an Adam Corolla fan - he’s way too ’spastic’ for me - but he definitely hit the nail on the head last night in his final words after being voted off the show.

He talked about how, even more than losing 25 pounds in the process, he’d faced his fear and pushed through it. His thought, while not “original”, is no less powerful and it resonates with me for oh so many reasons…all of which are going “skraight” to the old-fashioned journal. LOL

“Everyone out there has something they fear. Find YOUR ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and embrace it.”

Wow.

I give him straight 6’s across the board for his dancing.

But that comment?

He gets a 10.

“FOCUSING’ has become my “focus” for the time being. When I sat down at the end of the year to think about my goals, I decided that I’d do things differently - I’d tackle them in quarters. In some instances, I started out with a yearly goal, breaking it down quarterly. In other cases, I went straight to quarters. It seems to be working better for me than staring at a year-long goal. Why? *Shrug* I’on even know and guess what? I don’t care…as long as it gets me moving towards the finish line, it’s all good.

I spent some time recently just surveying the landscape of my life – with wide-open, honest eyes. It didn’t take long to realize that some thing(S) was out of alignment. I didn’t know what or why – at that point I just knew that something(S) was out of alignment. That was my focus – finding the “WHAT”, not fixing it – just finding it. This “WHAT” (or family of “WHATS”) was stealing my focus, thereby stealing my progress and stalling my joy. Oh, this was not about to be the case for much longer. Uh uh. Not on my watch.

I caught up with myself, just kind of skimming through life, living on the edges of what I really wanted to manifest in my life, sneaking peaks over the rim into all the juicy goodness of the life I really wanted to live out loud. Once again, I was asleep at the wheel. Has this ever happened to you? You’re driving somewhere. You’re familiar with the route so you’re not paying attention. You start to drift off. The car hits gravel. You realize you weren’t paying attention and the car veered off the road. That’s how I was living life. Drifting on a memory (why do I suddenly hear the Isley Brothers in my head? LOL). I wasn’t focused. No matter how many to-do lists I had. No matter how much organizing I did. I wasn’t focused. And without being focused, my good intentions were absolutely no good.

Focus is about being PRESENT. Being CONSCIOUS. It might sound funny to say that but I think about the number of times, the situations where I’ve shown up…but not really been THERE, not really paying attention, just letting things happen and then reacting. I don’t want to live like that ever again. EVER. I find it funny now when I look back that someone who was once so “risk-aversive” would leave so much of her life up to chance that way. *SMH*

There’ve been times when I let myself get distracted much too easily. Can’t decide if I was working on the “wrong” goal…or I just didn’t want to do it (which could also signify the ‘wrong’ goal). Or I tell myself that I was multi-tasking when in actuality I was “multi-procrastinating”…or doing enough around the edges of my goal to fool myself into thinking I was on top of things. But I realize that, when I’m truly focused and in alignment with what I say I want to accomplish, distractions don’t matter. Being focused, being present and conscious serves to remind me not only of what my goal is…but why it’s important to me. That’s what keeps the fire burning – that all-important WHY.

Having identified “WHY” makes it easier to judge my progress, to recognize where I need to make adjustments, to know when I need to dig deeper, go all out or scale back. It lets me stop long enough to celebrate the progress I’ve made, clear my vision and my path so I can move ahead, and keep me inspired to finish this goal so I can take on the next one.

I think finding my “WHY” is what makes hitting/exceeding my goals easier this year. This “WHY” has significant meaning for me. It’s not some surface-level reason. It’s the kind of “WHY” that resonates soul-deep and spirit-wide. It’s a BIG “WHY”, a HUGE “WHY”, a deep “WHY”. Goes deeper than wanting to look cute, to rock that dress in size 10. Deeper than getting recognition for doing what you do. Bigger than a paycheck. It’s “WAKE-UP-CALL-FOR-MY-SOUL” deep. This “WHY” calls me up and out of living small into something bigger than me. (Another “Beautiful Epiphany”).

The right WHY? The real WHY? That will lead you right into PURPOSE which leads you into endless POSSIBILITIES which leads to more JOY than you can stand.

When you truly find YOUR “WHY” and step into it up to your neck, you’ll see for yourself. Try it. I dare you. Just don’t confuse your “WHY” with that impostor, “why not”. Don’t fall for the okey-doke.

*~* QUOTABLE *~*

Profile Graphics - SoulCityGraphics.com

“PURPOSEFULLY PEACEFUL”.

That describes my weekend to a “T”. PURPOSEFULLY PEACEFUL. My intention is to carry that same theme over into my week. Let’s see how long that lasts cause, while I know some of ya’ll know that the “freaks come out at NIGHT”…the rest of us know they also clock in at 8:30am. LOL

Can I share a tiny little hiccup that flashed quickly across the landscape of my “Purposefully Peaceful” weekend? During a convo with a friend, she asked about another person we know. It dawned on me that this other person hadn’t been very responsive to any contact lately but life has been busy for me so perhaps the same held true for her. No biggie right? Wellllll…..my friend shares with me how this other friend doesn’t think I’m “progressive” enough.

I fell out laughing. See, this other friend? She is driven. D-R-I-V-E-N. And I’m not mad at her at all. Matter of fact, I wish her well in pursuit of her dreams. But you know why I laughed?

Simply because: people who don’t know where you’re headed can’t POSSIBLY tell you how to get there…or how fast to go.

Mmmmm….that felt good to say. So much so, I’m gonna say it one mo’ g’in:
PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE HEADED CAN’T POSSIBLY TELL YOU HOW TO GET THERE…OR HOW FAST TO GO.

They can’t draw YOUR map, they can’t pack YOUR luggage, they can’t plan YOUR stops…
They can’t do none of that. NONE of it. Not nay one drop. Zilch. Zip. Nada.

The other reason I laughed? WHAT THAT OTHER PERSON THINKS OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Cause um…in matters of opinion such as these - who I be, how I live - the ONLY opinion that matters is mine.

I know who I am. I know where I’ve been. I know where I’m heading. I know what it will take to get there. I know who my support system is. I know what kind of person I am, what kind of friend I am. I know that when it comes to gifts of the spirit, one of mine happens to be accepting people where they are in their lives and not measuring them against any standards I may have for myself. Can I share something else with you? Being “familiar” with someone does NOT equate to “knowing” them. Just a thought.

See, every day I get up and recommit myself to living MY life as fully, as freely and as joyfully as I can. To being authentic in every interaction I have. To being helpful when and where I can. To seeing people as they ARE…not as I would like them to be. To knowing what I need, knowing what I want, knowing who/what is good for me and not just good “to” me. To letting all of that seep down into the crevices of my life, spill over into my soul and bubble up and out of my heart.

After all of that, nothing else really matters. No matter who thinks it should. That’s exactly why that other person’s thoughts didn’t shake me from my “PURPOSEFULLY PEACEFUL” weekend. I’m grounded in something much deeper than how someone on the periphery of my life perceives me.

Besides, you know what they say, “Until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes….”

Sang it Emily King….

Happy Monday.
Have a better day than you planned!

Live DELICIOUSLY!

~ J ~

PS. Another reason I laughed? Not everyone who comes off as “DRIVEN’ is truly DRIVEN. Some of them are RUNNING. There’s a difference. And guess what? Sit back and watch? You’ll learn the difference.

Either way, I say “Be blessed. May the life you live out loud be bigger than the one in your dreams.”

Wednesday. Smack dab in the middle of the week. And I am feeling it in a mighty way. A mighty GOOD way that is.

LIFE.IS.GOOD.

Got into the office a little earlier than normal today. Why did someone ask me if I was high? LOL I guess in a way I am. I hit the gym bright and early this morning and let me just tell you, after slacking off a little last week (ok…a lot!), I worked it o-u-t out today. For real. Amped up my time, intensity, and weights. Before my mind caught on to my diabolical but much needed plan, I was halfway done. My body was having a conversation with my brain about how they were forced to go through the motions while they waited for my brain to wake up, smell the locker room and move us all pack to sedentary! Ha – by that time, I was showered and dressed. LOL

I’m a morning person by nature but Baby, by the time I walked up in the place today, I had more energy than the law should allow! Somebody might just need to watch out today cause I am working the “Please-Hammer-Don’t-Hurt-Em” ensemble AND matching at-ti-tude today.

Anyway, I guess today is just a continuation of a productive evening. Knocked quite a few things off my “to-do” list which felt sooooo good. Took some time to review my goals and progress for first quarter. Just like this morning at the gym, I worked it out goal-wise too. And ya just gotta love that! Hit my savings target for the quarter even while funding “College Search 2008” for D and having some medical expenses I hadn’t anticipated. Realized that, while I did MEET my goal, it was too low from the jump. So I’ve made the adjustment moving forward.

I’m gonna need to be a little more creative where my finances are concerned this quarter – need to shake out some funds for book #2 so I can get the wheels in motion. Plus, I need to carve out funds for a long overdue road trip this summer, a week-long vacation somewhere warm & near the water, the jazz festival and high-school graduation. Plus there are some ‘must-do’ things that have to happen around the house. *Sigh* Well, at least the car note will be out of the way by the end of this quarter. Whoo-hoo!! Let’s see if we can get through inspection next month without having to shell out oodles of cash. (Please Lord don’t let my ‘baby’ need new shoes!)

I was talking with my friend Princess Dominique the other day about being under the weather and we reminded each other that we have way too much to do, too many books to write, too much poetry to live (lol) to let ourselves get rundown. So much to live for. And along with living long, I want to live WELL. To be healthy on ALL fronts – physically, mentally, financially, spiritually…all of it. Getting there from here means doing a new thing…or sometimes, doing an “old thing” in a “new way”. It means that it is time to grow….

When I was in my first diabetes management class last month, they provided dinner. Nothing big – but enough for us to get the feel for how many carbs we could have, how much protein, etc. Ham on wheat bread with mayo, no cheese. A small bag of carrots with ranch dressing, a fruit cup and bottled water with Crystal Lite. One of the guys in the class looked at the instructor and said, “You can’t possibly think this is enough.” Poor thing. He kept saying, “In reality, this isn’t enough.”

What struck me then…and resonates with me now is this thought which I shared with him, “We’ve just been introduced to a new reality.” It’s just that simple. Those of us in that room could not continue to do what we’d been doing and expect to be productive or healthy.

And so it is in other areas of my life…I’m walking into a new reality. The old ways of doing things need to be shaken off, challenged, amped up, laid to rest. They served a purpose but what lies ahead is going to require more, deeper, better, richer…

Yes, I’m facing a new reality. The real beauty of the moment is that it’s a reality I can shape to my liking. And you gotta know that the creative catalyst in me is L-O-V-I-N-G that.

Hmmmm….if I didn’t know better, I’d think I was about to set the world on fiyah!

Be well. Live WELL.

In Joy,
“MsJayy”

Now how did I miss this?

A friend sent me this link - Jill Scott - Ashley Stewart - Butterfly Bra It’s a video of Jill Scott talking about a new bra that she helped design for Ashley Stewart. It’s called the “Butterfly Bra” and is supposed to ease many of the problems faced by those of us who are…”amply endowed”. Not sure how HE came across it….(not sure I even wanna know LOL)…or what made him think it would be of interest to me and um, my “girls”. Antywho…

It’s an interesting looking piece of lingerie. Two sets of hooks. Hmmm….might be as interesting trying to get INTO it as it is having someone help you out of it. LOL

At any rate, it’s supposed to be available in Ashley Stewart stores in May.