Say it ain’t so!!

Tell me I didn’t hear what I heard when Tom Joyner said what he said!!! Please tell me that Tom did NOT say that Tavis was quitting….

I met Tavis Smiley about 7-8 years ago. My girlfriend swears I lost my mind. LOL If I were naming ‘celebrity crushes’, he would definitely be near the top. Nothing is sexier to me than a brother with a well-exercised, toned mind. For real. Stimulate my intellect? I’m weak at the knees. Toss in the strength of his conviction, the fact that he’s purpose-driven, confident (not to be confused with cocky). Whew! Fan me! Um…anyway…where was I going with all of this?

I must say that I’m surprised, I’m disappointed and I’m sad.

I truly thought Tavis had thicker skin. I know it’s not easy working on behalf of people and feeling like sometimes, you’re not getting through, not being appreciated and I applaud folk who keep at it. I truly admire theim. I know it’s a difficult place to be in when you’ve doing what you believe you’re called to do and those whom you feel called to serve don’t receive it in the manner in which you intended. It is a major internal struggle. That’s when it becomes absolutely critical that YOU are clear about what it is you are called to do, for whom, WHY, and if you were truly called…or you simply showed up.

According to Joyner, Smiley says he has a lot on his plate and can’t continue to do TJMS. Ummm…Tavis? I love you but Baby please don’t EVER try to play me for a fool. He’s ALWAYS had a lot on his plate. So now it’s too full? Joyner says he thinks it’s in part because Tavis needs to feel love from the people he serves, the Black community. I don’t doubt Smiley’s love for Black people at all. No matter what he says, how he says it or how it gets interpreted. But if you’re called to serve Black people, if you feel that’s your purpose in life…you have to know that some of those same folk are not going to agree with you. AND more importantly, you shouldn’t want or need them to. I always thought that part of what Smiley’s charge was to get us to think more deeply, to think critically about situations, not necessarily to gain consensus. Was I wrong? Do I need to adjust MY expectations? *Scratching my head on this one.*

I listened to the show this morning and heard folks calling in encouraging Tavis to stay. And I wondered to myself, where were this callers when Tavis was taken those on-air beat downs? My people….always late and what not. LOL

I’m perplexed also about this “we-need-to-all-agree” mentality. Is it me or does it lay over the Black community like smog? No, we DON’T all have to agree. We DO have to respect each others’ choices and thought processes. As far as this election is concerned, one thing that has always bothered me is this: how is it that reasonably intelligent people whose candidate of choice differs from someone else’s automatically make the other person wrong? See, for me? The same way they took the time and effort to (hopefully) listen to the candidates on the things that matter most to them, the same way they reviewed their candidates record…I did the same thing. So I’m not easily swayed by anything that ANYBODY says.

Personally, I’m going to miss his commentaries. I know that he’s caught hell over the last few months in regards to what some feel is his “hating” on Barack Obama. But Smiley is a deep thinker, a critical thinker…and we need more of that. Him being off-air doesn’t help us in my opinion.

When he made his first few commentaries about the Senator, I understood his point: we can’t afford to cut Obama any slack because he’s an African-American, we need to hold him to the same standards as we do any other politician, and we certainly shouldn’t get caught up in the possibility of the first African-American president without regard to where he stands on issues that matter most to us individually, and collectively both as African-Americans and as Americans in general. I got that. It didn’t feel like hate to me – it felt like plain old commonsense.

Am I surprised that some took his initial commentaries as “hate”? Nope. But then, you have to admit that there are some people who see anything that falls outside of what THEY think as “hate”. There are some people who see “correction”, “guidance”, “a difference of opinion” or someone giving them the benefit of their knowledge based on experience as “hate”. I understood that.

So Tavis did what he does…he kept pushing people to think about what really matters. To make their choice based on fact, not emotion. Did he challenge everything Obama said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do? Some folk think so. Personally, I didn’t let it sway me. Nope – Smiley’s commentaries didn’t say me one way or the other. For real. Why?

See, as much as I respect Smiley, as much as I believe he has the best interest of Black people at heart, as much as I respect ahis conviction…Tavis Smiley’s beliefs are just that: Tavis Smiley’s beliefs. I have mad love & respect for everything Smiley does on behalf of making the world a better place and I love, love, love people who challenge my thinking/beliefs – it helps me deepen MY conviction. Yep, I have mad love & respect for Tavis Smiley and anyone else along those lines. Know what else I have? A fully functioning brain. A mind of my own, and the ability to know that me not agreeing with someone does NOT equate to me not loving/respecting them and wanting the best for them.

What I know for sure is that in matters of opinion – as much as I love and respect Tavis Smiley or anyone else – in matters of opinion, ultimately it’s MY opinion that truly matters.

It’s been said that Smiley quit because he can’t take the constant barrage of hate he’s received from Black America lately. Do I think he’s “jealous” of Obama? No. Why would he be? Seriously. Do I think he should have tempered his commentaries? Hmmm…I’m not sure; I don’t think so – that wouldn’t have helped his cause any if he’s trying to get us to truly think about what matters most and who’s best equipped to deliver that. I would like to know if at any point in the backlash from Black America, Smiley ever once stepped back to check himself. You know how that goes. Somebody says they think you’re being a certain way. You say it’s not true. But then in the comfort and quiet of your own home, you do a quick check in with yourself…ask yourself honestly if it’s true, if that person’s perception is on point, and if it’s not what is it that you’re doing or saying that led to their perception. Perhaps Smiley did that and came up being okay with his approach. *shrug*

The other things I know for sure: Whether I agree with him or not, we gain nothing as a people or a nation for that matter by not having his voice out in the forefront challenging us to not get caught up in emotion, to not fall for smoke-and-mirrors. To not be like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. We have to pull back the curtain, see who the wizard really is…and who he isn’t.

NOTE: Don’t get it twisted. You still don’t know who I’m supporting. Do you need to? Nope. Prolly not. All you REALLY need to know is that I’m an independent thinker who isn’t easily lead by anyone – no matter how much I love or respect them – I put in the work needed to make my own choice. I’d like to think that would put a smile on Tavis’ face.

Much love to you Tavis.

Somebody out there give Tom Joyner a hug. And a cookie. LOL (Ya’ll know Tom is the “original” cookie monster.) Keep pressing on Black man, keep pressing on.

BTW – as far as political candidates go…I’m not really “against” anybody…I just happen to be very ‘Pro-Me’. The person who fits that bill will definitely get my support and my vote.

Be well.

*~* Jayy *~*

1. hotworldtrends Says: April 11th, 2008 at 4:51 am

   Good article.Tavis should have continued the battle. But, he waved a white flag. That’s not a good thing to do. Maybe he was afraid that he would really lose credibility should Obama become president? I don’t know. You should never quit. And that is part of what made him popular. You know, standing by his convictions, not matter what. I don’t care for the guy,Tavis, myself. But, I admired his toughness. Now, Tavis just lost a lot of credibility. Too bad.

   From the mind of Ms. Jay:
   Don’t care for him? *faint* LOL I’m sure many people asked that same question - was Smiley afraid he’s lose credibility if Obama was President. But my question is, HOW? How would he lose credibility? Maybe being “popular” was where Smiley got caught up…if he got caught up at all. When you’re doing the kind of work he does you can’t afford to fall for the “popular vote” so to speak. Makes it much too easy for ego to enter the picture. I’m still scratching my head over this one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

2. Denise Says: April 11th, 2008 at 5:00 am

   Wow!!!! I was shocked when I awoke this morning to find out that Tavis Smiley quit the Tom Joyner show. I, along with Jackie Young, thought Tavis had thicker skin than that. I didn’t always agree with what Tavis had to say with respect to Barack Obama, but I think Tavis was just trying to get people to really listen to Obama’s platform — and just not see the color of his skin. It’s a shame that he took the ‘hate’ so personal. What if Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had quit because of the hate?

   From the mind of Ms.Jayy,
   I can’t believe I heard what I heard. I admit it’s a hard place to be. I’m so surprised by this turn of events. I truly thought he was in it for the long haul. I just don’t see how he thinks this will lessen the comments. Sure, take a break if you need to but we still need that voice. You hit the proverbial nail on the head re: Dr. King. And others. If you’re in it to be liked, in it to win friends…you’re in it all wrong. Maybe this is just a dream…or a late April Fool’s day prank….

3. julian B Randolpg Says: April 11th, 2008 at 5:47 am

   I can’t believe Tavis quit. I never would’ve thought “quit” was in his vocabulary. I guess to each his own. Tavis just another black american man, letting the world down.

   Wow. I was with you up until that “another black american man, letting the world down” comment. I respect your position though. I’m sure that, just as you see him being “just another black american man letting the world down”, in some respects Tavis feels like he’s been let down. That’s a lot of pressure to put on ANYBODY…let alone *JUST* another black american man. Regardless, I give him props for all he’s done & hopefully will continue to do on behalf of Black folk all over whether he’s on TJMS or not. Keep pushing!

4. Floyd Gaines Says: April 11th, 2008 at 5:49 am

   What a shame to the black community!

   For someone in the black community with so much clout, just quit that easily; make me wonder if he was doing it for our people or just recognition for self gratification.
   I love Tavis views, even if I did not see eye to eye on all of them. All my life I wanted to be a speaker for our people- to teach young Black Men about the basics of life however, I cannot do it on a large scale because I am not famous like you and Tavis. Today our Historical Blacks Collage and Universities (HBCU’s) are filled with black females and the enrollment of black males are at an all time low. This is alarming to me because I believe that they are being influence greatly on the bling instead of assuming their roles as men. Tom I hope that you have done that everything humanly possible to retain Tavis and I know you did. If Tavis insist on being stubborn, I want to personally inform him that there are millions of black me who looks up to him and if a few words hurt a black leader, maybe it is time to let someone else handle his responsibilities

   I don’t think it was “easy” for him to quit. I don’t. I could be wrong but I don’t think it was. We’re talking about a man with a passion for elevating people. For him to step off a path that gives him that venue, it can’t be easy. I don’t want to reduce anything he’s done up to this point to him just doing it for self, for recognition. No one will EVER be able to convince me of that. Hell, if Tavis stood before me himself and told me that, I’d tell him he was lying. LOL

   Do I think he was hurt by the feedback he got from Black America? Yes. When you are giving of yourself the way Smiley does, giving over your life in a way to a cause that is so much bigger than yourself and you do so without expectations – it hurts when folk don’t receive it in the manner in which you intended. I admire anybody who can continue to give of themselves, their time, their talents, their energy. And while I know many don’t do it to get the pat on the back, I also know that every once in a while it does feel good to have someone embrace you and say, “Thank you.”

   The mantle of “black leader” is a heavy one to bear. Personally, I think too many of us sit back and look to someone else to do the leading. We can all lead from wherever we are in life. I don’t think Tavis (or Tom Joyner for that matter) ever set out to *be* leaders. I think they just followed their hearts. And we all know that following your heart ain’t for the weak.

   And um…Floyd? You do know that you don’t need to be “famous” to lead. Don’t get caught up in how large or small you think the “scale” is. Somebody out there somewhere is waiting on you. Don’t hold up the line Bruh. Keep pushing. The world needs YOU.

5. Clarence Says: April 11th, 2008 at 7:49 am

   Jackie,

   I appreciate your blog. And agree with most of your points, but I must say that you conveniently left out any discussion of Tavis’s treatment of the other presidential candidate Hilary Clinton. I used to be a huge supporter of Tavis Smiley until I noticed that he was imposing a double standard on the black candidate and giving the white candidate a pass. I feel black people would not have had a problem with Tavis admitting that he was a Hilary supporter and then treating the candidates fairly. It was this obvious one sidedness that upset Tavis’s audience. Tavis has shown his true colors, and it will be a long time before I pay any attention to what comes out of his mouth!

   Clarence, I can’t say that I’ve heard Tavis mention Clinton very much - I’ve heard him call her on a few things but then again, my schedule has been a bit fluky since the beginning of the year so I don’t always get to hear him. True, he should treat all the candidates equally. You get no disagreement from me there. But I don’t think that’s the only thing that’s upsetting people. I’ve had people tell me that as an African-American I should support Obama (mind you, no one other than me & God knows who I support at this point) BECAUSE he’s Black. That doesn’t work for me. Personally, I care more about the fact that folks make educated choices than that their choice lines up with mine. That’s the place I thought Tavis was operating from (initially) but I could be wrong. What I need to know is that this decision isn’t coming from a place of ego. It’s okay for him to be hurt by the feedback, to need a minute to decide what he wants to do and how he’ll do it, to step back and ask if he’s not only DOING the right thing…but if he’s doing it in the right WAY. I can support him in that. But ego? I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Thanks for your feedback Clarence. Be well!

6. Tracy Says: April 11th, 2008 at 8:05 am

   I am just amazed that he quit. I love Tavis and his commentary.I agree with Tavis and the fact that Obama should be looked at as a canidate and not a black man. We need to know what he will do if he gets elected. Because we all know what a person says and does is 2 different things. People tend to think that because he is black he will work for the black community. That is not absolutely true, He should be held accountable for his actions and should be asked those questions that would be asked of him if he was a white canidate. come on people wake up! Just because he is black does not make him right. He is ultimately a human with human issues.

   EXACTLY! I’m amazed that he quit…and HOW he quit. I really would have expected him to come on air and give his final commentary instead of leaving it totally up to our speculation. Like I said, I love him, his focus, his dedication, and his drive to help elevate others. I don’t always agree with him nor do I think I need to. Like a pastor once said,
   “If there are two people in a room and both you always agree, one of ya’ll is unnecessary.” Love him or hate him, I still say that we as a people need his voice.

7. Connie Says: April 11th, 2008 at 8:09 am

   I must say, the news about Tavis was a shocker, but it was relief to hear that he’s gone. I was tired of Tavis thinking the TJMS was his throne. HIs personal belief should have stayed in his own home, not nationwide. He was beginning to believe his own hyped and lost that humbleness about his ownself. His head finally got to big for his hat.

   LOL I know lots of other folk who feel the same way you do Connie. Commentary is all about personal belief. But just because HE personally believed it doesn’t mean everyone else had to. Maybe that’s where things got twisted - we tend to hear someone WE crowned as a “leader” say something and think we automatically have to fall in line with that way of thinking. We have a local radio station here that does a “Twisted Tuesday”…I’m hoping this whole situation is a delayed “Twisted Tuesday” kind of thing & we’ll find him back on air next Tuesday with more food for thought.

8. Tosha Says: April 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am

   I think it was Tavis’s tone. When he is passionate, or is trying to express a deeply felt opinion, he sounds as if he is screaming and yelling. And I think a lot of people mistook this as him “hatin’ on Obama”. His commentaries literally sounded like temper tantrums. But I still like him, though. He is such an asset to the black community.

   That’s a VERY good point Tosha. Tone really is important. I have a friend who is straight up, no chaser. He calls me “Condoleeza” because, while we end up saying the same thing, he says I’m always trying to be diplomatic. (You know I made that brother explain THAT comparison. LOL) I don’t think it’s me always trying to be diplomatic. I just think that just like there’s a time and place to say any and every thing, there’s also a right way and a wrong way. I’m curious for what this turn of events means once we get beyond the election. How his energy and thoughts will be received/perceived by us moving forward. I just hope folks don’t completely right him off because they disagree with him on Obama.

9. Gracie Says: April 11th, 2008 at 8:34 am

   It’s all about the hype and the money…….I don’t care who they were, it always becomes who they are.

   Really? How so? I can’t see where his comments about Obama have hurt his pockets but then, I’m not really checking for that. I’m not surprised that some feel the same way as you do but I can’t paint everyone with that same brush because it’s not been part of my reality, not how I see folk. Time will tell.

10. Mildred Nichols Says: April 11th, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I have read the previous comments. I agree with most of them. What I would have expected from Tavis was “class” in leaving. It appears that he had a tantrum like a two year old. Maybe it was a build up of emotions. However with his command of the english language (diatribes and pontification), he should have been able to discuss it and leave on a more professional level. Maybe his Mother should pray for him. He also should remember that Sen. Barack is a MAN, that happens to be black” trying to bridge ALL Americans.

    From the mind of Ms. Jayy: Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mildred. I guess that’s what I thought was missing too. Now we know that it was Mr. Joyner’s “misspeak” in the midst of his pain. Sorry for the delay in posting your comments/responding and doing the follow-up but I had a little sit-u-a-tion with my blog. We’re back in bizness now.

11. Shelia Says: April 13th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    I was surprised to hear that he quit too. We are all not alike so we are entitled to our own opinions. The only issue I had with him and the comments made about the Black State of the Union was he showed forms of the “crab in the barrell” mentality. As a person in the public eye, he should be used to criticism and just because RIGHT NOW folks aren’t feeling what you’re saying doesn’t mean you have to go hide out. In fact, we are some forgiving folks and tomorrow, it would have been water under the bridge. As I started out saying, we are all entitled to our own opinions and if you state something stand behind it regardless of what the masses might think. There’s no need to quit a job–nobody will ever like everything you say or do anyway.

    From the mind of MsJayy: Exactly. If we’re sitting around starting things (or NOT starting them) & quitting cause folks don’t like what we’re doing or how we’re doing it, none of us would ever get anywhere. Of course by now we’ve all heard Tavis’ truth. I still think part of the incentive for him leaving is the backlash (or rather “BLACKLASH”) but I certainly respect his choice and wish him much success.

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