Kwame, Kwame, Kwame….

Sweet Jesus part the sky!!

Man. What a hot, liquefied mess this whole Kwame Kilpatrick-Christine Beatty affair has turned into.

The text messages just keep showing up digging Kilpatrick and his “homey-lover-friend” in deeper and deeper.

Foolishness. Utter foolishness. Can I tell you something? From those messages, it sounds like Chrissy was S-P-R-U-N-G. Kilpatrick may have been “sincere” (as “sincere” as a married man can be) but it comes off as classic ‘string along’ to me. Not that it matters.

The text messages have been made public because it appears to tie into the whistle-blowers case which was settled last year for $8.4 million. There appears to have been an alleged plot to reorganize the police department’s internal affairs unit without the knowledge of then Police Chief Jerry Oliver (Jerry “Former-Police-Chief-of-Richmond-VA?). Supposedly several top police officials were aware of the plan to remove Internal Affairs Chief Gary Brown.

Read the texts for yourself:
WXYZ: New Text Messages Rock City Hall

Baby who needs soap operas when all this is going on up in City Hall? Erica Kane ain’t got NOTHING on these two.

I wonder if he’s still vowing to fight this case…if he still says he’ll be exonerated…if he’s gonna have another press conference holding his wife’s hands. I’m thinking THAT might not be a good idea.

When I was younger, rainy days would find me curled up in a chair by the window…reading, maybe writing but more than likely - just watching the rain hit the window. I remember watching raindrops “race” to reach their destination - never traveling in a straight line but rather, taking the easiest path to reach their goal even if that meant merging with another raindrop. Taking the path that gives the least resistance to forward motion, progress. The path of least resistance.

Electricity follows the path of least resistance as it moves through a circuit. Storms do it too in terms of barometric pressure. Water flowing downhill does it. (What? I was a semi-science geek. Get over it. *shrug*) And guess what? PEOPLE do it also.

Sometimes it’s the right thing to do but lately, I’ve been challenging my “path of least resistance” mentality. And I realize that, in some instances, in order for me to truly make progress, to be successful in reaching my goals, I have to take “the path of MOST resistance”. The one that has the obstacles - real or imagined.

I’ve learned that my “comfort zones” can sometimes get TOO comfortable. That in order to really reach my highest intention in this life, I have to be willing to be uncomfortable — “COMFORTABLY UNCOMFORTABLE” .

I found myself recently resisting something I know that I want so I had to drop back long enough to ask myself what it was I was truly resisting…and why. More importantly, how long do I plan to continue resisting it?? I mulled that over for a few days, really just giving myself a chance to actually speak my fears out loud. “You can’t fix what you won’t face.” I didn’t have to dig deep - I knew what I was resisting…and I knew why. I’ve always known the “WHAT” and in large part, the “WHY”.

And you know what they say (to reappropriate a slogan), “Knowing is beautiful.” And it is. Knowing gives you options, resources, some sense of courage. The thing I was resisting now has a name. I know what it looks like, I know what it feels like so it can’t sneak up on me anymore. I see it coming. And I’m still standing.

Bottom line? It’s a risk. This “thing” I’m resisting. It’s a very risky situation. But life itself is a risk. And there are no guarantees so I can either chuck my resistance, my fears, my “comfort zone” mentality, dive into the situation up to my neck and trust that things will work out just as they’re supposed to. OR…I can continue to give my time, energy and focus to what I DON’T want, fight against myself and live to regret not having taken a chance at what I really want.

So I’m willing to let myself be “COMFORTABLY UNCOMFORTABLE” That dayum “comfort zone” was calling me though and it can be seductive.

But what I know for sure is that, this thing that I’m resisting? It’s worth it. MORE than worth it.

And so am I.

Live Soulfully!
*~* J *~*

Make.It.Stop. PLEASE!!

Ya’ll thought the freaks only came out at night, huh? Well, Baby let me tell you, they also come out on PrimeTime TV (and for the record, they clock in around 8:30ish in a little hotspot I call “work” LOL)

Yes Boys and Girls, Gary Coleman is coming to primetime on May 1-2. Following in the recent footsteps of Prophetess Juanita Bynum, Coleman and his young wife will appear on “Divorce Court” with Judge Lynn Toler.

Dear God in Heaven, WHY??????

Seriously.

I understand that the marriage in “in trouble”. I can’t even feign surprise. I watched the “couple” conduct another interview not long after it was disclosed that they were married. Honestly, they didn’t appear even remotely ‘couple-like’. They never looked at each other. They never touched. And why the hell does Gary Coleman insist on talking with his frigging eyes closed?? Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Why is it people keep trying to live their relationships in reverse? Coleman and his missus surely could have benefited from counseling (INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A COUPLE) BEFORE anybody said “I Do”. That’s not to say that whatever they face can’t be worked through but they’ve definitely made it a bit more difficult for themselves. Personally, they don’t appear invested in or committed enough to each other to really put in the work. *shrug*

I could be wrong. What do I know? I am, as someone trivial recently reminded me, “part of that huge statistical number re: unmarried African-American woman”. And the person who gave me this not-so-gentle reminder?

Well, let’s just say that he remains someone for whom the memory of when I DIDN’T know him is still fresh in my mind.

Lately, I’ve been quietly contemplating “BIGGER”….

As in doing something bigger IN my life….WITH my life…FOR my life.

To play bigger in the game of life. Step it up. Step out.

To live bigger.

I’m not sure what any of that’s going to look like.

I do know it will take courage on my part. That it will definitely change me in all the right ways.

I talked about DIFFERENT recently but….like I said then, “Different” might not be “Different” enough. Maybe the “Different” I offered up wasn’t BIG enough.

And so…I wait for BIGGER to whisper to my spirit just what it looks like and what I need to do to grow into it.

It’s an interesting space to be in. I’m learning to make peace with my need to know all the answers, being tested as far as Giving Up HOW. Moving beyond Getting Ready to Get Ready.

I’m learning to simply stand at the base of all that I’ve said I wanted in my life and let it unfold, trusting thatwhatever shows up, however it shows up, is exactly as it was meant to be.

Some thing is coming….I can feel it….not sure what it is….I just know it’s going to push me to PLAY BIGGER. To show up BIGGER. To live BIGGER. To love BIGGER. To grow BIGGER.

Something beautiful this way comes…..

And I wait…arms, heart, mind and eyes wide open….

Yes indeed….something beautiful this way comes….

Embrace YOUR “BIGGER”!
*~* J *~*

WWYD?
What would YOU do?

What would YOU do if your doctor told you that you only had six months to live?

After the tears, the anger, the questions, etc…what would YOU do?

I’d like to think that I’d pack as much living, learning, and loving into those six months as possible. I’d like to think that I’d get past the anger and the questions and dive head first into the rest of my life. Truly LIVE OUT LOUD…and PURPOSEFULLY for the rest of my life. I’d like to *THINK* that I’d do these things. Truth is, I don’t really know what I’d do or how I’d do it. Do any of us?

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the story of Randy Pausch, the former Carnegie Mellon University professor who was actually given six months to live. He made the news after giving his last lecture at the university before a packed auditorium. If you’ve not seen the video, you can watch it here (insert link). It’s an hour & 15 minutes long. But well worth every single minute.

I can’t begin to tell Pausch’s story. He and his wife do that so eloquently. I can tell you that, having heard them speak via interviews, having seen them on TV, having read pieces of the book, I am inspired to live that much more deeply each and every day.

I love the lessons Pausch leaves for his children. I confess – they work for us ‘grown’ children too. You be the judge:

1. Always have fun.
2. Dream Big
3. Ask for what you want
4. Dare to take a risk
5. Look for the best in everybody
6. Make time for what matters
7. Let kids be themselves.

I love that list. Simple. Meaningful. Purposeful. Focused. An awesome legacy to leave for his kids. Couple that with the fact that they actually get to see him model it firsthand for whatever time he has left. truthfully, it’s an awesome legacy for all of us. When the noise of the world gets so loud we can’t hear our own thoughts, when our lives are brimming over with busy-ness…that list can serve as a reminder to simply be still…breathe…remember…to call forth just one item on that list and give it our undivided attention until our hearts, mind, body and soul are at peace again.

I find Randy Pausch’ story to be very moving, very inspiring. And yet, part of me is sad. Beyond the fact that, here is a relatively young man (he’s 47), a husband, father and college professor whose life is ending much sooner than anyone could have dreamed. I’m sad because while his life and his message is truly a wake-up call for each of us to go deeper, to truly live the life we’ve been given…we should never let ourselves fall that deeply “asleep” in the first place.

We can no longer afford to move through our days “consciously unconscious”, hiding from the reality of our own lives by watching scripted reality shows, dreaming in our heads but afraid to breathe life into the dream so that it stands before us. We can’t.

I have a friend who says this to me always – ALWAYS: “Live each day as if it was your last.”

Do you know what I find so appealing about the fact that he says that and means it? That he actually walks it. It’s more than words to him. I’ve confessed many times to being a “wordy chick” and yet, no matter how many conversations we have, no matter how many words I pile up, he cuts through so much of what I said straight to the marrow of life: “LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST.”

What would I do if I only had six months to live?

That is a POWERFULquestion. And it’s POWER FULL.

I love questions, powerful questions – I love them so much, I don’t really care if I answer them or not (though the answer generally does come later). For me, I’ve learned that the true power in the question comes from being strong enough to ask it, being wise enough to know that it needs to be asked. That is the breakthrough for me.

Powerful/PowerfFULL question: What would I do if I only had six months to live?

An even more powerful/powerFULL question: WHY AREN’T I DOING IT NOW?

Be well. Embrace life.

Live from your soul!
Jayy

(BTW, I know I’m “late’ with this story but there was that whole fiasco with not being able to post to my blog so…I’m playing a little catch-up. Happy Monday!)

I gotta tell you, there are some goings-on in the world that truly leave me “confuzzled”. I think I’m done giving them an ounce of my brain cells but for a moment, they do make me wonder,”WIDH?!” (translation: what-in-da-hell) Lemme lay them out and then you tell me.

1. Star Jones is still “losing weight”. Yesterday, she announced that she filed for divorce back in March. Not that it matters, but many people were expecting it…based on conjecture. Why does this situation have me confuzzled? In her statement, Jones says, “Three years ago I made a huge error in judgment by inviting the media into one of the most intimate areas of my life…”Really? THAT was your biggest error in judgment? What? I’m just saying.

2. Prophetess Juanita Bynum is appearing on “Divorce Court” with Judge Lynn Toler. Why? Seriously. If every there was a call for the church mother to say, “Baby…Sistah…Saint, you need to sit cho’ be-hind d-o-w-n quick, fast & in a hurry!”, it’s now. Bynum is going to share with the audience the fact that her marriage is over. Um. Ok. Cause we were really waiting to hear that. Again. I know Bynum said she was going to be the “new face of domestic violence” but something about THIS appearance and other recent appearances feel more like she’s trying to be “the face” period.

When asked, Bynum had this to say about thoughts of suicide: “Suicide crossed my mind…You know, I felt hopeless. I didn’t because the name Bynum represents a legacy of people that have gone before me and had I done that I would have given too much power to an individual to not just wipe me out but to wipe out the integrity of the legacy I was born in.”

I’m thankful that she pulled herself back from the edge of those thoughts. I truly am. And I continue to lift her up in prayer. And I pray that she slows down long enough to truly take a look at what’s happened – lift it up, look underneath it – because her words about “given too much power to an individual” says that she still hasn’t owned her part in her own pain. Own your pain Sistah…fuel your purpose.

3. What was the deal with actor Orlando Brown? (You know, Raven’s sidekick “Eddie” from the “That’s So Raven” show) Yesterday we get word that he’s been missing for a couple of days, that he just disappeared despite having appointments and whatnot schedule. That he apparently left his manager’s house to swing by the 7-11 before some meeting and he disappeared. Not long after that story broke, we get word that he’s been “found”. He says he had a rough few days and just needed some time to regroup. Ok. Understood. But next time, could you just TELL somebody that in THOSE words?!

4. What the heck is up with Bill Clinton? That man has come completely undone as of late. I’m surprised – given who he is and the battles he’s had on his hands during his political career. That whole interview where he accused the Obama campaign of trying to “play the race card” with him? Maaaan! It’s in reference to the comments Clinton made after Obama won South Carolina, how he basically said “So what? Jesse Jackson won South Carolina back in the day too. And?”

What really got me about the interview is Clinton saying, “you really have to go some to play the race card with me.” His reasons include the fact that his office is in Harlem, Harlem voted for his wife and that he’s brought drugs for AIDS to over 1.4 million people – mostly people of color.

Hmmm…is this were we’re supposed to convene the next “All-Black-People meeting” and sing songs of praise to him? “Thank ya mighty kindly Suh. We’s mighty beholden to you Suh.” Ugh. Just…U-G-H. Nothing makes my teeth itch like folks who do things supposedly “for” other people and then turn around and say “After all I’ve done for you” when in actuality it was all about them from the giddy-up.

Bill, Bill, Bill. That artificial “blackness” that some folk heaped upon you is starting to wear thin. And after the way you’ve attacked Obama, you best believe ain’t nary a person willing to stand up and freshen that for you.

If I were a DJ, I’d remix Clinton’s diatribe with snippets of the Dr. Ian/Tocarra meltdown where Dr. is “encouraging” her to show some class. I’d even include the part where, clearly believing himself to be off-air, Clinton said, “I don’t think I should have to take any &^% off anybody about that, do you?”

5. Kwame Kilpatrick. Kwame, Kwame, Kwame. *sigh* Brother. *smh*
Kilpatrick told a recent gathering that he was “being punished by his God”. God is probably sitting on His throne, scratching His head, saying, “Huh? Oh now since you busted beyond repair, NOW you wanna bring me into it? Playa Please!”

6. Alicia Keys and Fiddy Cent. Riddle me this Batman: let’s say for sake of argument that Alicia Keys really DID say what Blender magazine printed, you know – the whole gangsta rap being created by the government as a way for our people to kill each other. Let’s say she did say it (I’m really curious as to what she *thinks* she said and how it got so twisted. Seriously.). Why is Fiddy Cent ticked with her, talking about how he doesn’t like her anymore? If that’s what she believes, why does it matter to him one way or the other? Allegedly, she says gangsta rap didn’t exist. Ok. At some point, it didn’t. At some point, NOTHING that we know of in the world existed. And? Me no get it. But it’s cool: me don’t need to. LOL

7. Actor Wesley Snipes has been sentenced to 3 years in prison for his reportedly tax-evading behavior. Is anybody really surprised? What puzzles me is him bringing the court letters regarding his character from his celebrity friends. Um…huh? Why? What’s the point of that? Your friends know what you show them about you. Heck, we have folks who live together and then get blindsided by each other’s behaviors so why would your friends’ thoughts necessary hold water? You know if that had worked, Ron “Mr. Big” Isley would’ve been up in his cell cussing up a storm!

In the course of your travels this week, if you happen to see my patience just chilling in the cut, would you very politely tell her to get her arse back home?!?!

*Sigh*

I used to consider myself a very patient person. Extremely patient. I’d like to think I’m *still* that person. But some days….I’on know ya’ll.

Like last week. D gets a letter from one of the colleges that he’s interested in. They want a signed copy of his parent(s)’ tax return. Why? The information was submitted on FAFSA which goes DIRECTLY to the school. AND…in this age of electronic filing, there is no such thing as a “signed” copy. So I call to inquire “WTH?” According to the young’un who answered the phone, they MUST have a signed copy. Again I ask, “Of what? It was electronically filed.” To which said child who apparently just WORKS at the college, not ATTENDS the college, says “It still had to be signed for them to submit it.”

Now me is mighty confuzzled (confused AND puzzled) wondering if this child thought someone had magic powers and whatnot. Hmmm…so I ask how she thought that might actually happen. Seriously. How do you sign a document submitted electronically? She stutters. Sputters. Says the form had to be signed, gives me the place on the form where the signature goes and starts talking about the spouse’s signature. Now who said anything about a spouse? I take a deep breath. Close my eyes. And through clenched teeth I say, “Child - Get.Your.Boss.NOW.Please.Thank.You.” Stressing each and every consonant, chewing hard on the vowels. Trying to hum in my head while I waited.

Boss gets on the phone. I ask the same question – if taxes are submitted electronically, how does one suppose a parent would then send the school a signed copy? AND why is it needed when the information was submitted via FAFSA (mind you, they ASK if everything on the form is accurate before you hit *send*)? AND if the Federal and State governments were willing to accept said documents without a physical signature, why wasn’t that good enough for the school? Was I speaking a foreign language? I’m serious. Dang if the boss didn’t get all twitterpated. *Sigh*

FINALLY, after having to speak to them s-l-o-w, we agreed that what they wanted (which is quite stoopid if ya ask me) is for the parent(s) to sign a copy of the form that was submitted electronically and fax it to the school.

What a colossal waste of time. For real. A waste of precious minutes I will never get back. Just sacrificing brain cells all wily nily.

Seriously.

Can I tell you that twere it moi, this school would definitely have fallen to the BOTTOM of my list of choices. Hell, they would have fallen completely OFF my list. Mmm hmmm. Just like that *snap of fingers*.

Why? Cause I’on do stoopid. Not on purpose. And definitely not on da regular. It just doesn’t look good on me. Trust and believe.

At any rate, if ya’ll see my patience, tell her she needs to get her laid-back arse home befo’ da streetlights come on. Shoot, somebody just asked me to do some rework on something I’ve already “reworked” 6 times while waiting on answers/info that only THEY can deliver. And they say to me, “WE have to be done by Friday.” Looka-heah-Playa…I WAS DONE. You da one dragging ya arse.

So if you roll up on Ms. Thing? If she ain’t home soon, send her down to the lock-up. And tell her not to come without a 20oz Mt.Dew (um, make that a 2-liter), a bag of Cheetos, a journal & something to write with. Oh, and let her know that I came this close to getting in somebody’s bee-hind. She needs to stop her lollygagging. And it’s Monday morning too? Uh uh. She gon’ need to do better. And do so with da quickness!

:::mumbling to self while TRYING to chant:::

Be well!

Jayy

Just dropped by to share this quick but powerful thought with you:

“Don’t deny yourself the joy of your dreams. Don’t doubt yourself or your ability to do what you are doing to reach your goals…Keep on deciding for yourself who you are, what you desire to express and experience.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

I hope you find some time in your day to embrace JOY. To hug it to you as you move through the weekend. To wear it wherever you go today. Just step into it and wear it like it was custom made for you…because it was.

It’s the ultimate ensemble.

Live from your soul!
Jayy

Oooooooooo! Oh no they DIDN’T!!

Happy Friday!

Enjoy your weekend!!

*~* J *~*