Has this ever happened to you? You finally decided – deep down inside where it really matters most…deeper than cellular level – what you really and truly want and you commit yourself to getting there. You start taking consistent actions toward that goal, making progress…some days big steps, some days small…but still - progress. You finally are bold enough to say to yourself and to others that THIS is what I want and I’m going for it! I’m talking Serious bidness!

Just as you get into swing of things, God (or Life, the Universe, the Creator or whatever spiritual force you recognize) says to you, “Put up or Shut Up.” And then turns around and challenges you by putting what you SAY you want directly or indirectly in your path? OR challenges how much you truly want what you SAY you want by throwing you a curveball?

I can honestly say that YES, He has done just that to me. As recently as yesterday. LOL

I had a couple of ‘minor’ (in retrospect only) health scares recently. Neither of which was the worst situation a doctor can tell you but for someone who’s never had any health issues, it was a bit much. To be honest, one of them freaked me out for a minute. (To those who know, thank you for praying. Keep ‘em coming – I’m at the edge of the woods, but not completely out.) The other situation had to do with a relationship, a friendship and um…Let me say it this way – sometimes you need to go slow, sometimes you just need to dive in and swim like crazy. I was considering letting go of something that I’d just gotten up enough courage to hold on to and I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t. I don’t. I backed up a little…moved myself out of the way so that things could just “BE” how and what they were meant to “BE”.(And on THAT subject, that’s ALL you need to know. That and the fact that I did get confirmation to hold on just a little longer LOL)

Before the affirmation and confirmation, I found myself standing on the edge of that old mental cliff. You know the one…right off of “Woe-is-me-hill”? Next to “I’m-sick-and-tired-bluff”? After you get off of “When-is-it-gonna-be-my-turn” Boulevard?” after you take the “Heavy-Sigh” ramp?

I’m standing there remembering the goals that I set for myself coming into 2008. How determined I was (am) to do things in a new way, to be about ACTION. I’ve been very consistent in some areas, not so much in others (BUT still better than I was). I was on a roll for a while and then…I let “stuff” creep in and challenge my intentions. And for a minute, I let “stuff” take the reigns.

But as I was on the edge of the mental cliff thinking, I realized those things – those health issues, that hold on/let go scenario - were simply God’s way of telling me “Put Up…or Shut Up”. And I’m not mad with Him in the least for bringing it to me the way He did. Sometimes it has to be “in ya face” (or “in MY face” as it were). I’d just finished telling myself that fear had cost me the last thing I was ever gonna be willing to pay. Enter in God, the Universe, etc to call my bluff…to up the ante…to tell me to PUT UP…or SHUT UP.

Ahhhh, but see, the tables have turned. Life is much too short for the nonsense and while I know I’m make many fashion changes in this life, I don’t ever, ever want to wear an ensemble of regret, accessorized by “what-might-have-been” that was manufactured by that crappy a** designer FEAR.

So now I’m asking myself, how much do I really want to change my health situation? How much deeper am I willing to go given what I know now? How firm am I willing to stand in my commitment to me, to my health and relationships in the face of whatever “Stuff” happens to show up? How am I going to weigh what truly matters most when “stuff” around me tries to convince me that it’s all priority?

DO I REALLY WANT WHAT I *SAY* I WANT…OR DO I JUST WANT THE LUXURY OF *SAYING* IT?

AM I WILLING TO GO OUT ON THAT LIMB…AGAIN?

The answer is YES. Just YES. By nature and career choice, I am a “HOW” kind of person. But you know what I learned climbing off the mental cliff? The answer to “HOW” is simply “YES”. No hesitation, no reservation, no wondering about the details. Simply a strong, unwavering YES. Say YES – from the heart, from the soul – and “how” will fall into place.

THIS my friends, THIS is where the rubber meets the road…the treadmill…the elliptical…the weights….the risk, vulnerability….

Me? I’m in it to win it. I’m playing for keeps. I’m playing for my life.

In more ways than one.

Live SoulFULLY!

*~* J *~*

1. I just saw a news clip where a man was trying to snatch a woman’s purse and she was holding on for dear life. They struggled for a few minutes. The lady saws the guy had a knife to cut the strap but couldn’t get it to work. Um. Let me see if I can get this right. The man had a knife. And she was still hanging on to the purse? She is so very blessed to have walked away and tell that story.

2. So, on the tail end of all the brouhaha about the voting issues in Chesterfield County during the primary elections, there’s more. Some hearing impaired voters are complaining that the audio voice pronounced the names so badly, they didn’t know who they voted for. Here’s my question: why not use the recorded voice of the actual candidate? Wow. Now THAT is a novel concept.

3. Geraldine Ferraro. Wow. Ok, I’m not going to call her a racist. I’m not. BUT…in trying to explain herself, Gerry said what she was trying to do is “celebrate” the fact that the Black community has come out in force during this election. Um, Gerry? I won’t call you a racist…but I am gonna say you’re foolish if you think ANYBODY ANYWHERE is going to read your statement about Obama being “lucky” as reason to queue up the Electric Slide.

4. Ladies…what is up with the OTC butt injections? I shouldn’t even say “OTC” because some folks are just going to peoples’ apartments and bending over for shots from someone who is NOT a physician and without knowing what the ramifications (pardon the pun) of said shots might be. Now they’re finding out that they might not have “rock-hard abs”….but they do have a “rock-hard a**”.

5. How ’bout Obama? Love, love, love the question posed to Sen. Clinton: “How is the person in second place gonna offer a VP spot to the person in FIRST place?” Bwwwaaaaahhhhhaaaaa!

6. Eliot Spitzer. ID-DE-YET. No two ways about it. STOOOPID. His wife. *sigh*
I’m all for supporting my partner but Baby…ooooweeeeee! It would be on and popping on national TV. Mmph mmph mmph! I can’t say that I get THIS particular brand of “stand-by-your-man” mentality (or that I need to…or even want to). Forget the “public face”. How about I deal with my “private pain” first? And no one who has seen Mrs. Spitzer is buying her “standing by her man”. That woman is obviously in pain – in a deep way. She can’t even make it look any other way. And to that end, I say give up the façade and save yourself. He’s clearly all about screwing…the call girl, the State of NY…and his wife…but not in a pleasurable manner. What are they telling their daughters? Wow….

7. Now, the woman who sat on the toilet for so long, when they pried her off, her skin had fused with the toilet seat. Seriously. FOR TWO YEARS!! Her live-in boyfriend says she has some kind of phobia stemming from her childhood and she just choose not to come of out the restroom. According to him, he’d take her food, they’d talk…and stuff….I suppose he thought she was moving around in the bathroom or going in/out when he wasn’t at home. But…how long did it take for him to realize she was stuck???? Literally?? What? You don’t believe me? Trust me – not even little old me with the vivid imagination could make this up. Check it out for yourself.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/13/woman.in.bathroom.ap/index.html”/

8. Last week when folks were calling for Obama to “take off the gloves” and deal with the Clintons, someone called a radio show and suggested Obama go back to his Hawaiian roots and try this, “Senator Clinton, how about a nice Hawaiian punch?!” ROFL

9. Did ya’ll hear Prez. Bush say if he were younger, he’d go work in Afghanistan? How ‘bout J. Anthony Brown said “Well, he’s old enough to go to hell. We keep telling him to go but he won’t!” Bwwwwaaaahhhhhaaaaa

Enjoy your weekend!

Live DELICIOUSLY!

~ J ~

….at least for THIS week.

She’s cute and everything, petite & whatnot, good at what she does but I’m not feeling warm NOR fuzzy about it. Nope. I’m not. But we gon’ learn to coexist. For this week anyway. Perhaps it’s just a temporary thang. Time will tell.

So…got my labwork back AND an invite to come back for a visit this week (today). Based on the info, I knew where the conversation was headed. On the card they sent to me with the results, the Doc asked if I’d fasted before coming in last week. Now, I really don’t remember but I doubt it since I’d been up for hours before the actual appointment. And the fact that no one asked me to. So when making today’s appointment, I asked SPECIFICALLY - “Do I need to fast?”.

*Crickets*

I fasted anyway. AND wore short sleeves so I wouldn’t have to fight with Bro. Foine and have him play “hand games” with me. So the nurse calls me back, has me put my stuff in a room and weighs me which I thought was strange cause I was weighed last week. No biggie. Until she decides to TELL ME what I weigh. I started laughing and told her she truly could have saved that to tell Jesus cause I sho’ didn’t ask. Why you think I got on the scale facing the other way? LOL

We go back in the room and she takes my blood pressure. I *thought* she said 176/80 so my head snaps around so fast, there’s fire in the breeze. She clarifies what she said and we breathe a sigh of relief and chitchat a few minutes. She then walks to the door and says, “Dr. W will be in –”

I stop her. “Dr. Who?”

Her: “Dr. W. Isn’t that your doctor?”

Me: “She was. But I specifically made this appointment with Dr. Z. That’s who I saw last week & who I requested this week.”

Her: “So who’s been treating you for diabetes?”

Me: *BLINK BLINK*

Her: “Oh.”

So now the elephant that was in the room finally exhales and stops trying to press herself into that tiny little corner. Now, make no bones about it - I knew going it that “diabetes” would be the discussion point but still…

Me: “Well, since I’d not been diagnosed before today, no one. Yes, Dr. W WAS my doctor but I asked for Dr. Z.”

(Dr. W’s a good doc but um, I’m not really feeling her. Haven’t been for some time now. Which is why I asked for Dr. Z. I like him - he takes his time explaining things, he LISTENS, and dude breaks it D-O-W-N.)

The nurse thumbs through my file and then says, “Ooooo! They had your file in box 123 so I just grabbed them all and brought the patients back here.”

I am cracking up at how she has gone straight gangsta, kidnapping patients for HER doctor. I ask her if she’s working on commission as she heads out the door to get this sorted out. She’s still laughing and the other nurses are like, “Ms. Young’s here isn’t she?”. LOL What? Can I help it if I like to laugh? AND it was funny.

So Sistah Nurse comes back in, apologizes, tells me it’s not the first time she’s done that (see? straight gangsta!), and that I can see Dr. Z. Today. BUT they don’t flipflop or trade patients.

Me: *blink blink*

So, let me get this right. Not only does the nurse KIDNAP patients….she holds them “hostage”.

Me: “What do you mean, you don’t “flip flop” patients? What happens if I WANT to be Dr. Z’s patient?”

Now it’s her turn to blink. LOL

She walks me around to Dr. Z’ exam rooms as Dr. Z’s going into another one. He laughs and says, “We’ll get you straight before it’s over with.”

I laugh back and tell him I’m not concerned about ME being straight but THEM. LOL He peeks his head in and ask if I fasted. I ask him if he told me to. LOL

Dude is like, “I’m just asking.” so I let him off the hook and assure him that even though no one TOLD me to, yes - I had indeed fasted to which he quips, “I love you.” I tell him to take a number. LOL

His nurse comes in to take my blood sugar. I hate those needles..*sigh* So she takes it and then goes, “Hmmmm” and turns to leave the room. I’m thinking, “WTH? I know she’s not going to just grunt and then leave the room” so I stop her for the breakdown. We have a little convo and then the doc comes in.

My convo with him went something like this: he explains the whole diabetes thing - the factors; pre-diabetes; classes; monitoring for a week; etc. etc. Honestly? I wasn’t very focused. Having been through this before, he’s not phased. He gives me some details, asks about my eye sight, weight, and water. He pops up to check my ears, throat and then listens to my heart.

Him: “Hmmm….Take a deep breath. Hold it. Ok, let it out.” He moves the stethoscope and we repeat. Again. Again. “Ok, Nurse S is gonna come back in and show you how to use the monitor.”

We go thru the monitoring exercise with me successfully making myself bleed. She takes me down to the end of the hall where Brother Foine (remember him? The “Dreaded Okey-Doke”?) is located and tells me she’ll meet me back upfront after I’m done with my appointment info for other tests Dr. Z requested.

I’m looking at Bro. Foine sideways today. He’s trying to be all charming. Dude, I’m not falling for it. Pick an arm and let’s get this over with. We do what we need to do, clean ourselves up and part ways. And guess what? He ain’t even all that foine. LOL

So now I’m coupled up with a glucose monitor (gives a WHOLE new meaning to “Pick a finger!”), and I still don’t know what’s causing my tummy ache which is where all this began. LOL

Anywho, it’s a beautiful day here in “Rich-town”. Sunny. Fairly warm. And I am playing hookie. Gonna head off in a couple of hours to see Princess So Fabulous. She’s learning to play the violin and they have a “concert” tonight so Favorite Aunt Jackie is going to attend. 5th graders and string instruments. The things we do for love! You may begin praying now. LOL

Enjoy the rest of your day!!

Live DELCIOUSLY!

~J~

*SIGH*

It’s Monday MOANING…um MORNING…already….

*HEAVY SIGH*

I really try not to moan about it being Monday Morning. After all, it serves no purpose - moaning doesn’t change anything.

I wouldn’t have gone there THIS morning….had I gotten more than 3 hours of sleep.

I wouldn’t have gone there THIS morning…had I turned every clock forward….except the one on my nightstand thereby letting myself think I had another hour to sleep! Ugh!!

Right about now? Right about now is where vacation days would work soooooo wonderfully.

But as a contractor, I only have a handful. Of course, I could always just take the hit - take the day off without pay.

EXCEPT….I have a critical THREE-hour work session this afternoon.

THREE HOURS…

THIS AFTERNOON…

which implies that I am somehow gonna get through the morning with no problem.

*SIGH*

Open vein….pour in caffeine…..

See ya’ll on the other side of Monday…..

You know what the okey-doke is right? The flim-flam? Sleight of hand? Running game? Con? Uh huh. Well, let me tell you how it all went down….

Now that I’m working again and have health insurance, I’ve been playing catch-up with doctors’ appointments and check-ups. Over the last month or so, I’ve had some symptoms that are eerily like the symptoms that led to a little surgery about two years ago. After dealing with it for a month, I called up my doc (well, a doc in my old doc’s office) and made an appointment for two days later. Guess what? Between the time I made the appointment and the day of (a Thursday) - I had not nay one symptom. Figures, right? (And yes, they did start up again AFTER the darn appointment!!) Anywho…

I like this doc. He’s easy-going, takes his time AND answers ALL my questions. Imagine my shock when he said that even though I’ve had surgery, I could have a reoccurrence of the original issue. Da hell?!?! How? And then pray tell, what was the point of the surgery?? LOL I told him that I really was beginning to question whether the doctor had actually performed the surgery - that’s how serious the pain was running. (Or having watched one too many health shows, I thought maybe they left a sponge inside my abdomen. LOL) So he breaks it down for me. Darn it.

Next step was to send me off for lab work. Ok. I expected that. Normally, they give me a piece of paper and I drive over to Lab Corp. Oh no. Not this time. They walked me down to the END OF THE HALL.

Yep, they have a phlebotomist in-house. A rather foine phlebotomist. A rather foine phlebotomist with a head full of thick, well-groomed locs. *sssiiiggghhh*

I’m sitting outside his office waiting when it dawns on me that we might have a wee bit of a problem. See, I had on a long sleeve top and um…the sleeves? There was absolutely NO way to roll them up. Well, “Bro. Foine” calls me into his lair lab. “Ms.Jay?”

Oh Lawd! He gon’ need to turn down the treble AND the bass in his voice! Oh wait, why is he looking at me funny? Dang, dude has asked the same question three times. All right, compose yourself woman! Um, is he smirking at me? I don’t think that’s cool, not all all. Wait a minute - ohmigosh, dimples??!! Bass AND dimples?!?! I think I’m getting weak.

I finally collect myself enough to prop myself up in the chair and I break the bad news to “Bro. Foine” - we can’t do this, not now, it isn’t right. LOL He’s laughing talking about how he’ll “be gentle”. Wise arse. I point out the sleeve dilemma and say I suppose I’ll just have to come back another day.

Next thang I had knowed (yes, “knowed”)…”Bro. Foine” was reaching for my head. Taking first my left hand into his own….then my right hand. Running his hand lightly over the back of mine. *S-i-g-h* It was ever so dreamy. And ya girl was ZONIN’ for real….

….until I was pulled out of my daydream by “Bro. Foine” thumping the veins on the back of my darn hand.

Yes Ladies and Gentleman….the OKEY-DOKE was now in full effect. Hmph!

I said to him, “Now Bro. Foine, I just know you’re not going to draw blood from the back of my hand?” How come he starts lecturing me about the consequences of coming to the doctor unprepared. Da heck he mean? I brought my durn veins with me! Sheesh, what more do you need?!

Next thang I knewed (yes, “knewed”. You’ve heard of present and past tense right? “Knewed” is waaay past tense LOL), next thing I knewed that darn needle was in the back of my hand and “Mr. Trickery” himself was sitting there trying to look like nothing had happened. LOL

I must have cut my eyes at him cause he started chuckling. Whateva. Made me wanna snatch a loc.

Hmph. Yeah, he was foine but not foine enough to mask the Okey-doke. Not even in those deep dimples, not even behind all that bass in his voice…not even under that arsenal of dreads covering his head.

As I’m leaving his office, he’s just laughing and flashing dimples.

He knows he was wrong for that.

WRONG I tell you - W-R-O-N-G.

Years ago, I pushed through some stuff and signed up for a grad school class. I remember sharing that story with some people. Another person told how she pushed through some issues on her part to get to one of her own goals. And then another, and another. I remember one person coming to the table to share her story about how she made a major move on the tail end of being very ill. According to her, she decided to “just do it”.

Can I tell you something? Outside of Ni.ke commercials, “Just Do It” used to irk the heck out of me. (OK, it got so bad that even IN the Ni.ke commercials, “Just Do It” bugged me. LOL)

Why? Because my lovelies, yours truly was definitely NOT a “Just Do It!” kinda chick. Uh uh. No way. Not me. Fuggetaboutit. Wasn’t gonna happen.

And then….Life decided it was time to move me to a higher grade, to teach me, take me beyond “theory” straight into the practicum. I said I wanted to write. But how to get there? “JUST DO IT.” I wanted to take some more classes. How would I pay for them, how would I juggle my schedule? “JUST DO IT.”

See, what used to bug me about “JUST DO IT” is that, rarely in life was anything as simple as “JUST”. I didn’t “just” wake up one day and decide I wanted to write. I didn’t “just” wake up one day and decide I wanted to go to grad school. No more than those folks in the Nike commercials woke up one morning and decided to “just” run, jump, ride, shoot, etc.

“JUST” involved SOME preparation, SOME planning…but NO procrastination. The skeleton of a poem came to me – a word, a phrase, an idea…and then? I “JUST” wrote it. A storyline came to me – a scene, a concept…and then? I “JUST” wrote it. Decided I was gonna turn the tables on fibromyalgia…and then? I “JUST” did it. Decided I was gonna live out loud and then? I “JUST” did it.

I came into this year determined not to have the same old conversations that I’d had last year and the year before. Not in the same way. I wasn’t going to talk about writing – I was going to “JUST DO IT”. I wasn’t going to talk about tightening up my finances – I was going to “JUST DO IT”. I wasn’t going to talk about improving my health – I was going to “JUST DO IT”.

It’s amazing how liberating “JUST DO IT” can be. Whodathunkit? And even more than “JUST DO IT”, I’m doing it well.

How ironic that I’m breaking in my new Ni.ke’s today? LOL

Happy Monday! Make it happen!