Want to hear something ironic?

I need to let go of my need to know “HOW”…but…I don’t know HOW to let go. *sigh*

I’m talking about the “HOW” of getting something done, of reaching a goal…of knowing and planning each step. For example, I’m working on a craft item – a line of products – but…I don’t know “HOW” to get an important step done so I’m spinning my wheels. Asking myself all kinds of “HOW” questions.

“HOW” was kicking my butt last week in a big way. I was driving home Thursday mulling it over, letting it marinate. I felt that familiar nudge in my spirit followed by this simply statement: “ Let go of HOW”.

Now you know my immediate response was to ask, “HOW?”

How exactly do I let go of “HOW”? It’s a hard habit to break – I’m not saying impossible – just that it can be hard. Add to it the fact that my career is centered around “HOW” – how your system/processes currently work, how to make them more efficient/effective, HOW it broke in the first place, how to create a system/process where none exists, how to meet project deliverables, how to make your deadlines. See? HOW just all up and THROUGH my life. Those same kinds of “HOWs” show up in my “real” career too. So, how does the “Queen of HOW” learn to let go of “HOW”.

I know that I don’t have to have ALL the answers…but I’m quite fond of having the ones that pertain to me. LOL

I thought about this “let go of HOW” off and on all night Thursday. Surprisingly, when I got to work on Friday, I had some kind of breakthrough because I was working it o-u-t OUT like nobody’s business. Things I’d wrung my hands over just the day before and relegated to the “I-don’t-have-a-HOW” graveyard.

Looking back at it now, I think the trigger was that I wanted/needed to get this task done and I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone get in the way. AND in this case, I knew that whatever I came up in the end would be 1000% better than what I started with. So to paraphrase Nike’s slogan, “I Just DID It!”

Ever since that initial call to my spirit to “let go of HOW”, I’ve seen/read articles speaking to just that. It’s even shown up in my horoscope for the last few days. LOL (OK Lord, I can take a hint!)

It’s still a fresh struggle – old habits die hard. But I read a quote that really helps me push when I want to put out an APB on my missing “HOW”:

“People hide behind the question of “HOW” and it becomes a defense against them living their lives.” Peter Block

Wow.

What a way to undress my greatest fear and stand it naked and unashamed in front of me. If THAT doesn’t push me to let go of “HOW”, I don’t know what will. I am not going to get to the end of my life and realize I didn’t live the life I wanted/was destined for simply because of ME. Nope. Not gonna happen.

“HOW” can be a great thing. As a guide. A flexible tool helping you get from Point A to Point B. BUT when used “incorrectly” (translation: the way I was using it), “HOW” becomes a barrier, a way to confine your creative self. “HOW” will keep you so mired down in what you DON’T know/have, you don’t trust yourself to get it, keep it, or deserve it.

I guess I convinced myself that “HOW” was a guarantee of some kind. That it represented stability and security, both of which are big for me. But how secure or stable can a “HOW” built with blinders be? If I’ve got it mapped out to the nth degree, if I have all steps to reaching the goal mapped out….my goal isn’t big enough. Having it ALL worked out to that degree (in addition to being unrealistic) limits my choices because I’m not open to anything other than what I’ve envisioned…even if what life brings to me is a better option.

Ohhhhh! I just had an “AHA” moment. “HOW” is simply a form of procrastination, another way to dress up my fears. It’s like birth control for whatever goal or dream I’m trying to achieve. It gives me permission to tell myself no, to keep living small….when in actuality, all I need to say to the question of “HOW” is simply this - YES.

YES leaves room for the true “HOW” to show up unencumbered by any of my personal constraints (like my breakthrough on Friday).

So today I’m practicing answering every “HOW” with a simple “YES”.