“You just don’t care do you?”

“You act like you don’t care one way or the other.”

“Don’t none of this matter to you or bother you?”

In some form or fashion, those statements/questions have been asked of me repeatedly over the last twelve months or so. (Hmm, maybe their frequency really hasn’t increased; maybe I’m just noticing it more. That’s neither here nor there though. On with the post…)

Folks call me up or drop by with news about something someone else has said/done that they don’t agree with. News of a choice someone else made. A reaction someone else had that, for whatever reason, seemed “wrong” to the person relaying the information to me.

When they come to me with this news that seems to have them perplexed or upset or worried, I listen. Most of the time. Sometimes I have to stop them upfront cause I know their motives in “sharing” aren’t right. Sometimes I stop them upfront because I simply DON’T care about whatever it is they want to talk about. But um, I digress…

So, they’re sharing this perplexing, upsetting “worration” with me (“worration is what my Granny ‘nem used to call it) and I listen. And then I get back to whatever I need to do. In other words, however I respond is NOT the response they were looking or hoping for so now I’ve ramped up their “worration” factor.

It’s not that I don’t care.

It’s simply that I’ve had to learn to care in a different way.

With all this talk about “going green” and saving energy, I’ve had to look for ways to save energy in my day to day life, beyond what I use in terms of electricity, fuel, etc. I’ve had to find ways to conserve my personal energy. And that means insulating myself from things that truly don’t impact me or don’t affect me the way it appears to impact others.

We had a death in the family recently and I got calls about how some folk didn’t respond this way, or how some folk didn’t seem to care one way or the other.

My response? At the end of the day, what does it matter how anybody responded? Nothing they say/do or undo will change the fact that we’ve lost a loved one. Take it a step further – people don’t grieve in the same way. Take it even deeper – you can’t judge someone else’s reaction to news like that on what YOUR relationship was with the deceased; you don’t know what their relationship was like.

Another friend Q called me “worried to def” that a mutual friend was about to “ruin her life”. Um. Ok. A bit melodramatic but I’ll bite. I started listening to her tale of woe and stopped her about ¼ in. Here’s the deal –I’m sure our mutual friend appreciates Q’s concern (to some degree) but at the end of the day, it’s HER life. It’s HER choice. Nobody else has to live with it. Q was wound up and my response didn’t help her any. She goes off (a bit too loud for my taste) talking about how “THIS ISN”T WHAT SHE WANTS!” Ok. BUT…it IS what SHE chose. She made the choice, she has to learn to live inside that choice, however that look looks to her. Would I have chosen that option if I were in her place? Don’t know. I don’t think so but again, I’m NOT her, I’m NOT in that position so how much time or energy do I need to give to the situation? I certainly wish her well and as her friend, I’m here if she needs me…calm, cool, and collected.

So please, if you think I don’t care - you’re wrong. (Well, in most cases.)

It’s not that I don’t care. I simply care in a different way.