When does a life experience or situation become BAGGAGE? Or do you automatically see what might be a “life experience” or situation as BAGGAGE? Some people do.

See, I think there’s a difference between someone having a life experience vs. someone having BAGGAGE.

A divorce can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Being a single parent can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Growing up without your mother/father/both…can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Losing a job or your business can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Having an illness can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
A broken heart can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Poor finances/bankruptcy can be a life experience…or it can be BAGGAGE.
Etc, etc etc.

To me, the distinction is how you carry that experience. If you “pack lightly” – owning the pieces of the experience that truly belong to you, those that you are responsible for – the things you did/didn’t do, those that will help you be better the next time…to me, that’s a life experience. It can help you move forward, do better, be better, heal. While that experience may have helped shape you, it doesn’t DEFINE or CONFINE you. It isn’t the first thing people see, notice or hear about you.

If you pack without even looking through the situation and you’re dragging it around behind you or waving it like an announcement…if you use it as an excuse or a crutch to “explain” why you can’t do XYZ…if it becomes that sad song you sing automatically (you treat it like elevator music…it’s ALWAYS playing in your life)…THAT to me? BAGGAGE!

You let it keep you from moving ahead, dreaming, making plans, doing better. It is literally dead weight but for some reason, you insist on carrying it around instead of lightening your load.

A few weeks back, I had lunch with a friend who happens to be a former coworker. She asked about a specific situation I’d dealt with in the workplace, one she witnessed herself…and asked me what I thought the root cause was (she thought it racism…I chocked it up to sheer stupidity. *shrug*) During that conversation, I shared a few other things with her. Her mouth dropped open. She was floored. I remembered her saying to me, “I had no idea you’d been through all that. You never said a word. You never let it stop you or slow you down.” I shrugged and said to her, “It was just another experience, something I lived and learned my way through.” Truth is, for a person of color who is also female in a world dominated by folk who don’t look like me, it’s par for the course. EXPERIENCE.

I could have easily have let it become BAGGAGE…but see, we each control our our conversion factor. Remember that folks - YOU control the conversion of an experience to BAGGAGE…or BAGGAGE (real, perceived, inherited, etc.) to experience. Make it do what it do.

A friend of mine said it’s possible that we “inherit” baggage. You know…”generational curses”…alcoholism, domestic violence, promiscuity, etc. (Their example centered around the children of An.na Nic.ole Sm.ith, Bri.tany Spe.ars, etc.) True. “Hand-me-down BAGGAGE”. Like it’s “vintage” or something. (NOTE: Please please please be careful of the legacy you’re leaving for your loved ones.) BUT…I think it’s possible to unpack some of that ish. No, it’s not easy but it CAN be done. Trust. I know this to be true. First hand. Hell, I’m still sorting through some stuff…I know its BAGGAGE, I know it’s not mine but we’ve grown accustomed to each other.

Just like you get used to certain things, BAGGAGE gets used to being carried. That’s the thing about BAGGAGE. Once you drop it, stop shoving it into closets, hiding it under the bed…once you let the light of day hit it consistently…you’ll find in many cases you got stuff with someone else’s baggage claim ticket. You find that, like spandex, it’s no longer in vogue, it doesn’t fit…and most importantly, it doesn’t look good on you.

Sifting through the remnants of all that stuff can be tiring. But not as tiring as continuing to carry it around when it serves no purpose…other than to keep you living small. If that’s your thing, more power to you…and your baggage.

Me? I aim to pack light as I move deeper into this journey called life.