Teaching Men to Cheat CORRECTLY….

W.T.F.??

Seriously.

WTF?

The topic on the Tom Joyner Morning Show today is “The Man is Mine”. To break it down, it’s about cheating, sharing, when you found out he was cheating, etc.

This sister came on to promote a book she’s writing - something like “The Official Woman’s Guide to How a Man Should Cheat”. For real.

She says her book will detail

* the best times of day to cheat (between 7am-7pm)
* who to cheat with
* sexual acts/positions to avoid (she recommends that there is no face-to-face sex where you’re gazing into each other’s eyes and no kissing - mouth to mouth…”too intimate” and coud lead the woman to believe the situation is more than what it is)
* how to avoid being caught

She also says that women talk too much, nag too much, we’re tired all the time, and that women aren’t really holding it down in the kitchen or the bedroom. (Hmmm…didn’t Damon Wayans just say the same thing? U-G-H) Oh yeah, she also says we’re either the woman being cheated on or the woman he’s cheating with. Check it out for yourself: http://www.blackamericaweb.com/site.aspx/tjms/listen/cheater

(Not to be outdone, there’s another book on the market that gives you over 800 signs that he’s cheating. You know what worries me about THAT book? I think I said it before but I’ll repeat it: the book gives over 800 “signs” and you know out there somewhere, someone isn’t going to believe their partner is cheating until they can check off each and every one of them. *smh*)

*SIGH*

SWEET JESUS PART THE SKY.

Last week, I mentioned being invited to facilitate what I was calling “Conversations & Couples” sessions. Um, I don’t think I’m on this list as moderator anymore. See, the very first ‘conversation’ my friend wanted to host had to do with cheating. Now, I love good conversation - whether it’s one-on-one or in a group. And, I’m not opposed to a dialogue on cheating.

HOWSOMEVER, I’m not a fan of dialogue for sensation, controversy, etc. The very first topic on his list was “Who Cheats More – Men or Women”. Now, I’ve heard those kinds of discussions before. It’s ugly. Painful. Divisive. I’ve never been around one, heard one or read about it where it didn’t become ugly. I don’t see the point in the discussion so I choose to take my energy elsewhere. B seems to think it can be productive…but he can’t explain to me how.

Cheating is such a volatile topic. It’s almost impossible to have a conversation about it without injecting your personal experience in the dialogue. It’s like lighting a stick of dynamite and expecting it to be a sparkler.

B says I’m being too ‘idealistic’ – he said it like it’s an illness. I’ve been called that before. *shrug* Sometimes I am. It’s not that I don’t think people cheat, it’s not like I think cheating is simply going to stop one day. I just can’t see the rationale behind the weighing and measuring of who cheats more. It’s not that I think women DON’T cheat - I know better. Nor do I think ALL men cheat. But think about it: you’re in a relationship, your partner comes in and admits to cheating. Are you really going to stop and run through the stats in your mind and figure out how his/her cheating tips the scales? Hell to da naw!

In that moment, you’re most likely not going to hear anything else that’s said – not the who, what, why, when, how or why of it all – you simply hear the words, “Um…I’ve been seeing someone else”. And when you come to, you simply pray that you didn’t choke said partner to death…just til said partner became woozy. (Ooops. Had a flashback. ‘Scuse me.)

Okay…for the record, he didn’t get choked. He did, however, have to patch a huge hole in the wall after that lead crystal ashtray was lobbed at his head. To quote Maxwell Smart, “Missed him by that much.” Yeah, Zahara ain’t the only one with a mean throwing arm. *wink*