I’m a connoisseur of good conversation. Generally speaking, no topic is off limits though timing may be an issue. That’s not to say that you can walk up to me all brand new, barely knowing me and think I’m gonna let it all hang out. Not. But for those who know me, we can/do talk about it all. Well, except for one thing. It’s not a conversation that makes me uncomfortable or sad or whatever. It’s just that, when my family broaches the subject, “things” start happening.

The topic. Asking about or mentioning an ex. I don’t mean the kind of conversations about ‘remember the time ABC told this story about the old couple who died ‘parked up’ in the woods?” or ‘remember the time XYZ insisted he could play ball…and we found out the hard way that he really couldn’t?”. No, I’m talking about those conversations where they ask if I’d heard from or seen an ex. Or where they happened to have seen/heard from one of them. Or they start musing aloud about how “nice” so-and-so was, how much they liked him. (Those conversations normally end with me saying something like, “Then YOU date him.”) Yeah. THOSE conversations. What normally happens after those almost-conversations is I actually run into the person or they call.

I had one too many of them this week. BigSis#1 happened to ask about XYZ (BigSis#2 & her hubby asked about him last week). Who calls me out of the blue with reminiscing in his voice? *SIGH* Then we have to dabble in the rundown of “the good times” and all my “good qualities”. Dude, not to be rude but what’s the point? “WE” are NOT going to be “we” again. “WE” aren’t even going to be friends. That’s not who we are to each other. Now, don’t get it twisted – I don’t hold any ill-will but dang, over is over.

Then someone else tells me they heard from ABC. (Note: Um, ABC? I know that sometimes you pass through and read the page. Oh well.) He asked about me. Cool. But then…he swerved trying to travel back down memory lane even though there’s a “Road Closed” sign. Can I tell ya’ll it’s been at least 12 years since we dated? Yep. Do I think my stuff is all that? Yes. (Ha! Did you REALLY think I was gonna say NO? Puhlease!) But more importantly, I know that when you’re in a relationship (or married with kids for goodness sake!!) and things hit a snag or aren’t going as you’d like/hoped, it’s easy to think back to the relationship(s) you were in before you this one (or before you said “I Do”). And every time ABC has a conversation with some mutual friends, he goes to that same place. Always ending with not understanding why we broke up…or more specifically, why I broke up with him. Really? The few times we’ve come into contact, has ABC ever asked me for clarification? Nope. Would it have mattered then? Nope. Does it matter now? Nope. So, what’s the point? Nothing. Now, if he asks, I’ll tell him - I just don’t see the relevancy.

Conversations my fam has with ABC always end up with a discussion on their part about how maybe I’m “too picky”. Since there were only two people in that relationship (well, as far as everyone else knows), they can think what they like. Who am I to divest them of their opinions, no matter how far off-base they may be? My mom is famous for lamenting aloud, “Ain’t nobody ever tell me why they broke up.” I remind her that I didn’t break up with her – I broke up with him. That gets me an “Mmph” and a look that says she’s tempted to smack the impudence off my lips.

And so it continues today with me getting a call from 123. *Sigh* He’s going on and on about what he misses about me which makes me laugh because it sounds very much like the same list of reasons he recited when we broke up. So I invite him to very quickly cut to the chase cause I’m really not feeling this. He reminds me of one of our last conversations. The one where he got caught up in a lie so tight, it left him with all kinds of indentations. He reminds me of how calm I was as I simply stated that I was done – as were “we”- and that I wished him well. And some other stuff about how I knew that I wasn’t the one and had no interest in trying to force myself to be either. That I didn’t have any issues with her but rather him for growing a lie where only the truth should bloom. For some reason, he felt the need to let me know that I was right. That he was wrong for not understanding why I was upset with HIM and not her. And that he made himself miserable for a long time trying to prove me wrong. *SIGH* I have to laugh as I tell him that I truly was not checking for him like that.

My fam used to think I was bitter about one or two of my past relationships, especially since I never went into details as to why things ended. I’m not bitter – I never was – I was just on to what was next. If I were to run into any of these guys, we could have a conversation – no problem. We can and we have. If they’re passing through and want to grab a cup of coffee, cool. We can and we have. We’re not going to hang out and be fast friends (especially me and ABC cause as much as he tries to hide it, he’s still using that “let’s be friends” as a placeholder thinking he can work his way back in). Um, as Keyshia Coles would say “Let it Go!” Truthfully, I’m friends with a few of the guys that I dated so it’s very much an individual thing - not a group dismissal of exes.

The evening picked up quite nicely though. I had a wonderful conversation with…um… “POI” (“person of interest”). Lots of laughter, getting-to-know-you moments…and even a few rounds of “name-that-tune” (Told you I was the reigning champ!).

Conversation good enough to make me forget those “leftover conversations”…to liberate me from that visitation of exes.