Everyday, events and thoughts are knit together in my life in such a way as to reveal a nugget of personal truth and each time, I’m amazed. After the great weekend I had, a thorny piece of reality snuck up on me late Sunday night. I’ve learned not to run from whatever emotion I’m feeling and so I sat down to casually observe this new bit of familiar melancholy, to let it run its course. I stopped long enough to pray this now familiar refrain, “Lord, what is this about?” and then I went about living, being mindful of bumping against that tender spot in both my psyche and my heart. In the wee hours of this morning, I came across this quote:

“See that any time you feel pained or defeated, it is only because you insist on clinging to what doesn’t work. Dare to let go and you won’t lose a thing except for a punishing idea.” ~ Guy Finley

Hmmm. Really? While mulling things over on Sunday, I realized letting go was necessary. I was surprised to find that I was holding on. Still. And to be honest, I’m not sure what it is that I’m holding on to. That might put a crimp in the “letting go” part. Am I holding onto the broken promise of a specific relationship? The “idea” of that relationship? What I thought it might have been had it lived? What I needed it to be? Wanted it to be? How important it was to me (or how important I thought it was)? And whether it’s the broken promise or the idea of the relationship, both represent VAPOR – AIR - so, am I really holding on to anything? Now, to be sure – relationship can be defined as bigger than a romantic one…it can be a family issue, issue with friends, job, relocating, etc.

It’s 5am and I smile as I share with God, “It is WAAAAY too early for this level of introspection.” God smiles and me and continues with this deep tissue massage of my heart and spirit. Yet another reason why I love Him.

So, I ask myself is it the relationships themselves that I need to somehow let go of….or is it what the relationships signify to me – that I’m loveable, that I’m valued, that I’m wanted? Or the fear that for whatever reason, whatever I thought the relationship was (whatever promise I thought it held), it’ll continue to elude me? Do I need to let go of the fear that, not only is there nothing “better” out there, nothing – better or not – appears to be coming across the horizon? Perhaps it’s a bit of both.

I remember a story that equates so well to the situation with my old job. For years, an archaeologist searched for a temple and its rumored treasure. He finally stumbled upon this tiny tunnel overgrown with weeds, and many cave-ins. Day after day, he dug, often spending more time holding up the posts than anything else. One day, during a major cave-in, he ran from post to post trying to shore them up and finally, his spirit said, “Let go.” He fought against that thought for a minute but eventually, that’s exactly what he did: let go. After the major cave-in, realizing he was still alive and unscathed, he began to look around. He looked up…and found the treasure – it was the temple itself. Everyone who’d been there before him looked in all the wrong places. When he surveyed the mess around him, he looked up and found the temple dome was made of solid gold laced with jewels.

I smile as I think of what looking up means for me, what treasure I’ll find. I smile because God has reminded me – again – that it’s all about Him. *LOL*

In my searching, I’ve had my eyes on the wrong thing too. And so, I ask myself, “Is there a secret to letting go? An art? Or is it both?” Not that it matters – secret, art, or some hybrid of the two.

I think, if there IS a secret to letting go, it is that you have to simply give up the dream of what you think might have been and the fear that “this” was your last and/or best chance. In that regard, letting go becomes a form of forgiveness – giving up the hope that things were supposed to turn out any other way.

The “art” part? I had to learn that letting go is a process and give myself time to work through it. No shortcuts, just letting myself feel whatever I feel without letting it crush me. To understand that letting go means facing the truth of what was just as it was – eyes wide open. And to let myself be sad if sad was what I was feeling. After all, a relationship of some kind is ending…even if that relationship existed only in my mind. Even when I know the end is best for all involved and positions me for something greater, it’s still a goodbye to something that was once important to me. I need to acknowledge that, to honor it while not letting it become emotional quicksand.

I suppose that in some ways, I’ve been letting go of multiple things. Orchestrating my own healing without realizing it. I’ve been tossing emails – “electronic love notes” (ah, romance! LOL), shredding old work documents, letting of emotional clutter…making room for what comes next. I think it helps that all this shedding takes place not from a place of pain but from a place of remembering what made me smile about the situation and knowing that “MORE” is just over the horizon.

So many times, we fear letting go because we see it as a sign of us not being loveable. What I’m learning is that, sometimes, letting go is a way to say “I LOVE YOU” to myself.

Live DELICIOUSLY!