I didn’t know. Until recently. But…I think I’ve fallen in love…with Fall.

In the past, if you asked me about my favorite season, I would reply “Spring” without any hesitation. What’s not to love? Everything is new again. Life is being birthed around us daily in beautiful ways too numerous to count. Spring showers. Flowers growing in the most odd places, redefining our concept of strength, beauty…determination.

Spring is a love song. Summer, a thumping bass.

But Fall? Fall is a season that courts quietly. Reminding you daily to simply slow down. Breathe deeply. Rest. To trust that all you need will show up. When you need it.

It’s in the mode of slowing down that I find myself. Literally.

Fresh Fall mornings find me hugging a mug of my favorite tea. Sitting by the window. No worries about that “to-do” list. Simply concentrating on my “To Be” list…setting my intention for the day. Maybe this period of “sponsored unemployment” afforded me a different view of Fall. Admittedly, if I were working, I wouldn’t have time (correction: wouldn’t MAKE time) to notice how early morning sunlight kisses jewel-tone leaves. I wouldn’t notice how the crisp morning air entices me to burrow deeper under the comforter. The crunch of leaves under my feet as I walk through the park or through my neighborhood. Curling up under a light blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book.

I’m reminded of Fall days growing up when we had to rake a yard full of leaves (ugh!). We’d grab an old blanket, take turns climbing into the center of it over that huge pile of colorful leaves, and toss the person up into the air. Grab those old wire hangers, unfurl them, pop marshmallows over the end and roast them over a small fire. Ahhh, those were the days. Um, yeah – ya girl is a little bit country. Act like ya know!

Yes, Fall whispers to me, enticing me to slow down.

Oddly enough, it’s in this season, Fall, this slowing down season that I find my life speeding up.

More gets done when less is important.
More gets done when clarity is born.

Certainly makes “falling in love” worth it.

I was all prepared to blog about “Lost”…or about a networking/book event I attended this past Friday when I came across a quote. Now, I’m a confessed “quotaholic”, a confirmed “affirmation” junkie so I tend to add new trinkets to my collection on a daily basis.

A friend of mine sent the following quote to me saying when he read it, it reminded him of me.

“Perspective: Nothing in life is so hard that you can’t make it easier by how you take it. ~ Ellen Glasgow”

I love that quote. (Thank you “Booby”.) Perspective is important to me (now) but it was definitely a learned art. When I was younger, the only “perspective” that existed was my own. And then I did as my Grandma used to say all the time, “Keep on living Chile, just keep on living” and I did and before I knew it, perspective became one of my many saving graces. Ahhhh, ironic that I’d use the word “GRACE” there because in many ways, that’s what perspective is about.

I read that quote and it brings to mind another…”God never puts more on you than you can handle.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been going through some things - or put myself through some things (real or imagined - both instances) and had people quote that to me. (In the moment, it did NOT help me. AT.ALL. Just keeping it real.)

Sometimes as I’m dealing with life’s curves, I hear that quote in my head - “God never puts more on you than you can handle” – and I find myself saying, “You know Lord…some days…not every day…but some days…I wish you didn’t trust me so much.”

Ironically, I feel Him smile, laughing a little as He whispers to my spirit, “Every day Daughter, EVERY DAY…I wish you trused me more.”

(I tried that old line, you know the one - “It isn’t you, it’s me” - with God but He reminded me that “Me” is “Him”….or at least it should be in all the ways that count. *Sigh* Hi, have we met? My name is Jayy & I’m a work-in-progress…Always.)

Live DELICIOUSLY!

Hey You!
Did ya miss me? Don’t lie. :O) It’s all good regardless. Thought I’d come rescue my blog from this extended “pregnant pause”. My mind has been in so many different places lately – 98% of them UBER positive, the other 2%? Let’s just say, it’s definitely room for growth.

This past weekend was full of stuff to do – Hampton’s homecoming, Howard’s homecoming, “The Gold Bowl” at VA Union (rumored to be the LAST Gold Bowl…31 years of tradition…*sigh*)… I’ve been to more homecomings at Hampton than most alumni so I skipped it this year. (To my beautiful, wonderful, sassy cousin “Princess Bubbles”, I sowwrry. Me still lub you ‘doe.) My church hosted Sheryl Lee Ralph on Friday and Saturday as she performed her one-woman play, “Sometimes I Cry” regarding HIV/AIDS – primarily it’s impact on women of color. So I opted to attend Saturday’s performance with a group of friends.

POWERFUL. That’s the only way I can describe it.

She came out onto a darkened stage, dressed in black…with black duct-tape across her mouth.

SILENCE.

So many of us suffer in silence. Whether it’s HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, loneliness, depression, debt…you name it.

Silence cannot heal you. Silence cannot save you. Silence can, however, KILL you. It can become a breeding ground for whatever it is that is eating at you to grow, fester, and further infect you - mind, body, soul.

During her play, Ralph morphed into three different women – a 45-yr old female who was once entrepreneur of the year with all it’s glitz and glamour; an 18-yr old female who, while in the foster care system, was abused by various “family” members; and a 68-yr old woman who was widowed after 30+ years of marriage. She gathered stories from many woman as she toured the country and fictionalized the characters. She literally breaths life into each and every one of them so much so that when you LOOK at her “in character”, you don’t see her – you truly see, hear, and feel the character.

If you ever get a chance to see this one-woman play, please – go. Afterwards, she held a short Q&A with members of the audience. Much like any given Sunday (or any day) at my church, the audience was a cross-section of ages, socio-economic statuses, genders, and races. One young lady asked if Ralph finds in her travels that some people don’t know about HIV/AIDS even in this day. Sadly, Sheryl Lee Ralph’s response was YES. As recently as a month ago, she was in a small town in another Southern state, at a church about the size of ours and the turnout was very small. After her performance, one of the church elders came up to thank her and apologize for the small turnout. This lady went on to tell Ralph that they “couldn’t” promote the play, they couldn’t put the information/flyers in people’s hands. When Ralph asked why, she was told “because it has the word ‘HIV’ on it, it has the word ‘AIDS’ on it and people would be offended, thinking you were accusing them of something.”

Wow. Even in this day and age. When she sat down later to do a little research, she discovered that the rate of infection in that town as off the chart.

Someone else asked Ralph if she ever considered tailoring her message more for specific audiences. This sister’s concern (which I didn’t understand…nor did I share) is that based on the fact that many women of color who are most at risk or most impacted are in lower socio-economic categories and they may not feel “comfortable” in the current setting to actually hear this.

OK, remember what I said about my church crossing all those boundaries – age, sex, race, socio-economic status, etc? And remember I said Ralph’s characters spanned those same boundaries? Now you understand why I was a wee bit perplexed.

Now. On to people feeling “comfortable”. My take on it is this: IF YOU CAME TO THIS PLAY AND YOU LEFT FEELING “COMFORTABLE”, YOU CLEARLY LISTENED WITH THE WRONG EARS.

The whole point of the play is that AIDS is strictly equal opportunity though it appears to be hugged up more with women of color these days. The whole point of the play, of all the literature, of all the advocacy is that WE DO NOT HAVE THE LUXURY OF BEING ‘COMFORTABLE’.

Comfort in the face of HIV/AIDS etc. is the biggest lie we could possibly tell ourselves. It is an illusion – smoke and mirrors. It doesn’t exist.

Sheryl Lee Ralph delivered an absolutely powerful performance, packing a lot of information into her 1.5 hour play. She talked about how deadly silence can be, how damaging denial can be. One thing that she said that truly stuck with me is this:

“DON’T LET YOUR DENIAL BE DEEPER THAN YOUR GRAVE.”

POWERFUL.

** If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I often find silence soothing, restoring, a space for contemplation, planning and growth. And yet, I know that there is a type of silence that is truly deadly. We tend to be silent about the wrong things - our pain, our confusion, our hurt….OUR HEALTH. Now is the time to get loud. Sisters, we can’t continue to guard our hearts…and not our health - mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. Our health is a form of WEALTH, a form of currency - don’t let yourself be bankrupted.

Be well. Literarly and figuratively.

LIVE DELICIOUSLY!
LIVE HEALTHY!

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. So many people suffer at the hands of an abuser, keeping silent, hiding inside themselves. It is a disgrace to the world “LOVE” to physically or mentally abuse someone…in the name of love.

Last week in one of my writing groups, we did an exercise involving writing limericks. Here’s one that I shared with them:

For the record, it’s my left leg.

One incident. One. And I was out.

A “trick knee” is a small price to pay given how badly I know the situation could have turned out. There’s more to the story. No one has ever heard that story. EVER. Actually, no one has ever known how much ‘trick’ knee came to be. Until now. So, for those of you who know who I know, it’s okay that they DON’T know the story. If they stumble across this blog post ON THEIR OWN, it’s all good. ‘K? Thanks.

Domestic violence is deceptive. It will have you believing that you made someone else beat you, curse you, treat you badly all the while loving you. It will have you believing that no one else will want you, that you can’t do anything on your own, that you won’t make it without that person. And if you have kids, the stakes are higher – do you stay to keep the “family” together? Do you subject your kids to that?

A friend of mine ended an abusive marriage last year. They have two young kids. When her husband became abusive towards the oldest son, trying to get him to disrespect her as well, she decided enough was enough. Leaving was an ugly scene. But she did it. She left him. She left the church that “encouraged” her to stay, to be more docile, to ask herself what she was doing that pushed his buttons, that cautioned her against leaving since he was the breadwinner. She left her “enabler”. (Sidebar: am I condemning the church? No. I’m simply not condoning people in positions to help hurting people who counsel them to stay in situations that could be physically harmful to them when viable options exist. They never once spoke to her about other options. NEVER. So, I’m condemning the folks in THAT church who were counting this couple’s tithes instead of saving their souls.)

Years ago, I went to visit a friend for the weekend. She’d volunteered to keep a mutual firend’s little boy on Friday night. Mutual friend dropped him off while I was there. As she was leaving, this little boy said to his mother, “Mama don’t let him mess with you. ‘K? Mama, you hear me?” He was 4 years old….4. Cautioning his grown mother not to let some man hurt her. She was supposed to pick him up the next day. She called to ask if he could stay until Sunday. This kid cried himself to sleep. When his mom came to get him the next day, he ran towards her then stopped and asked her in this tiny voice, “Can I hug you?” She said “Not today” so he held her hand. The whole time she was trying to snow us about her weekend, this kid sat holding her hand. I didn’t see her for years after that. She married her abuser. Had two more kids with him. She left him eventually. But not before her son had seen more than he should have.

Domestic violence is a horrible, horrible thing. It can scar you – physically, mentally, emotionally. We tend to say things like, “I don’t know why they stay.”, “Why doesn’t she/he just leave?”. Or the infamous, “I don’t understand.” I used to say those things. Now when I’m tempted to say “I don’t understand”, I catch myself. I don’t need to understand. I just need to be supportive when and where I can. Sometimes that means distancing myself from people.

I pray that the stigma of domestic violence will disappear so that people realize they don’t have to suffer in silence, that they realize they have options. I pray that we teach out kids that love doesn’t hurt - not like that ; that love doesn’t hit. “SHOW-N-TELL”. I pray that people learn to discern between behavior labeled as “cute” and warning signs of possible abusive tendencies.

More importantly, I pray that those places that are supposed to be safe, where people are supposed to be able to go if and when they need help, truly become the sanctuary for hurting people that they were intended to be and not breeding grounds for silence. And more abuse.

Fresh haiku…straight out of the oven….

“I prolly shouldn’t say nuthin’….I’on mean no harm but…”

Conversations that start like that make my teeth itch. For real. Why? First, if you “prolly shouldn’t say nuthin”, I encourage you to follow your instincts. To check your motives. Second, people who say, “I don’t mean no harm” generally do. Coming to your doorstep with sloppy mess dripping from their lips. Please. If you bringing nonsense, the very least you can do is be bold enough to say that upfront while I get you a napkin or a bib. But no, you want to do ‘the dance’. The conversation proceeded…

“I saw XX today.” XX happens to be this person’s “friend”. I know XX but we are not friends. No drama. We just aren’t.

“We were talking about something and your name came up.” (Sidebar: don’t you love it when folks are talking about “something” and YOUR name just “happens” to come up? And they never can clarify what that “something” was? Ha!)

“I prolly shouldn’t tell you this but…she kept talking ’bout how she didn’t like you.”

I stopped her right there because clearly SHE, this bearer of “don’t-mean-no-harm”, had clearly mistaken me for someone who cared. I asked her two questions, two very simple questions:

1. “How does any part of what you’re saying add to the quality of my life?”
2. “As my friend, what were you doing/saying while she was running down her list?”

“Ms.I’on-mean-no-harm” sputtered for a minute before declaring that she was so shocked by the turn in their conversation, she didn’t know WHAT to say/do. Uh huh. In the space between her pushing that piece of nonsense into the air and me responding, I swear I channeled my grandmother. I could see her sitting in her favorite rocking chair, humming, pausing long enough to say “Chile, the same dog that will bring a bone will carry one.” (I miss my granny goose.)

So this friend and I had a brief tete-a-tete on the proper etiquette for friendship. See, I like it when my friends become friends. But it’s not mandatory. I respect my friends’ relationships with other people, regardless of how I might feel about them. I don’t talk about their friends - I respect the boundaries of their friendship. And when you, as MY friend, talk to me about YOUR friends, I simply do the ‘um…wow…really?’ because once again, these are YOUR friends.

I wave the “Quality of life” card a lot. Cause there are times when people try to flood the works with stuff that just doesn’t hold the same relevancy to me as it does to them. And that’s cool. The “quality of life” card helps me help them (and me) differentiate.

I waved that card OVERTIME when I worked at “Da Place”. In a place where things were not always done in an equitable manner, someone was always sidling up to you saying, “You’re doing the same thing as XYZ, you should get the same pay/recognition”, “So-and-so got called on the carpet today”, or “How did they get that job?”. Or being a company full of women who sometimes didn’t hold to the sisterhood code, “How can she afford to drive/wear/live whatever she drives/wears/lives?” or “Why she got a man?”

Even knowing the answer to some of those questions, I’d still brandish my “Quality of life” card. Why do I need to expend energy speculating about stuff that doesn’t help move me forward, stuff that doesn’t make an iota of difference in my life?

I remember eating lunch with some friends and their friends – one of whom is notorious for “bringing/carrying bones”. It was like an art with her. She sat at the table, holding court telling everybody’s business, wondering aloud how they can afford their clothes/car/house, etc. Some folks took the bait. Others didn’t. I never commented. I saw she was looking for new bones. Looking at me, she said, “You don’t talk about people do you?” LOL I told her that I tried not to but then, most days I tried not to talk TO people. We understood each other from that point on: I don’t have any bones for you nor am I in need of any.

To be fair, I’ve hit my own self with the “quality of life” card. When I’m tempted to wallow a little too long, stretching a “moment” out of shape and out of its intended timeframe. Or when something I’d hoped for didn’t come to pass and I was moping. Or when I let a setback bring me to a stop instead of finding alternate routes to my goal. It’s another way to check myself.

Quality of life is serious business. There are so many things happening day-to-day that impacts quality of life yet are out of our control to a large degree. It makes sense to me to work from my sphere of influence, those things I can control.

That includes letting dogs run up and through my life, bringing and carrying bones…no matter how much “meat” is on them.

Live DELICIOUSLY!

I love slow Sundays. Just me (far as ya’ll need to know), good music, and nothing but beautiful moments waiting to be born. These kinds of days require a little something “extra” so I like to drape them in delicious music. Ledisi will do just nicely.

Here’s one of my favorite songs by “new” artist Ledisi. For the record, she’s not really “new” - it’s just that the ‘mainstream’ is just finding out about her. If she’s appearing anywhere near you, you need to RUN to buy tickets because this Sistah delivers a show with non-stop energy. This song is from one of her first CDs which is impossible to find now. I’m praying that once the rest of the world wakes up, they’ll re-release her earlier CDs.

Her mainstream CD was released in August I believe. It’s called “Lost & Found” and yes, it’s worth the price. Check her out. I seriously doubt if you’ll be disappointed. Here’s a sample.

Enjoy your day!

Live DELICIOUSLY!

J

It’s been a minute since I’ve done a “Random” post so…here we go.

Track Star Marion Jones admits to steroid years over a two-year period. *Sigh*
Marion Jones admits using Steroids

Terry McMillan comments on the latest sexploitation, “lemme-tell-all-my-bidness” books. As part of a comment to a blog post on Black Voices regarding Ray J’s tell-all book, Ms. McM weighs in. Tell me, what is we gon’ do? *Sigh* Her thoughts on what sells today are in the comments section of the article.
Terry McM’s comments on Ray J’s sexcapades book

Um, I know a guy who dates a woman he calls “White Chocolate”. She does not like this term. She says it makes her feel as if he’s not really comfortable with the relationship. How come one of his friends sent us all an email today saying that “white chocolate” had been recalled due to suspicions of salmonella?? And that idiot sent it to his girlfriend with a note saying that maybe she and Teena Marie need to go into hiding. AND copied all these people on the email. Then couldn’t understand why she was upset. *smh*
Kraft recalls White Chocolate Over Possible Salmonella Contamination

Hmm…HBO buys rights to book on the Duke Rape Case
HBO & the Duke Rape Case

Ya’ll know ya’ll been doing the Electric Slide all wrong, right? That’s what dude who claims to have created it says. And he’s suing to have all the videos with incorrect choreography removed…he wants them taken off of YouTube, etc. Um…er…yeah
Ya’ll Messing up the ‘Lectic Slide!

Matthew Knowles, father of Beyonce, has a line of “hip-hop” baby toys. Did ya’ll know that? I didn’t. He did an interview with a local DJ. When I heard about the “hip hop” baby toys, I was truly scratching my head. Cause…what ARE “hip-hop baby toys”? Well, I’m glad you asked. His line, “Baby Jamz”, is inspired by his grandson Julez (son of Solange). I went to the site and clicked on music. Nursery rhymes. With hip-hop flava. Many sung by Solange. You gotta listen to “Old McDonald”. When they broke it down? I laughed until I cried. “Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O. And on his farm he had a dog. E-I-E-I-O. Whoof whoof. That’s my dog. Woof woof. Uh, that’s my DOG.” I couldn’t even listen to the others. I tell you want, Mr. Knowles is a tryna work it till it goes on strike, huh? Baby Jamz

The Emperor may not have any clothes but the Mayor has no sense. OK, first of all, I don’t understand how you go from having been Lt. Governor to Governor to Presidential candidate to Mayor. Anywho. Man…e’ry week, e’ry single week the Mayor in Richmond makes the news for something. The most recent flap? He’s been trying for a while now to move the school board out of their offices at City Hall. They say they’re not going. Soooo….last week the Mayor ordered folks in to move them. Just pack up their stuff and move it to a different location. Then comes the lawyers, judge giving an injunction to stop the move. School board says that classes might be cancelled the next day due to the disruption. The Mayor’s spokesperson says, “What does the School Board have to do with the day-to-day operations of the School System?” Um. What? Lawd, that man is turning out to be a cantankerous old man for real. And the saddest part? When he was running for President a few years ago, we were ALL over it. *smh* Yo, Mr. Mayor! Why you stittin’ bout that stuff instead of putting firewalls and blocks on internet access for the City? Folks all wily-nily accessing p.o.r..n. sites on City computers. And the news is going out of their way to say that none of the sites accessed were related to children. Um…how bout not being able to access ANY such sites? Or how a cri-mi-nile came to be working in the Federal Courts building, tryna steal stuff? THen you got the nerb (yeah, I said ‘nerb’) to get on TV with your stripped shirt, plaid jacket, and have-mercy-on-me tie. Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor. *SMHV* (Shaking my head - vigorously!)

What’s all the ruckus about O.b.a.ma. not wearing his “flag” lapel pin? I know a lot of politicians wore them right after 9.1.1 (and I think Guilano STILL wears his) but many of them don’t wear it these days. I don’t recall anyone asking the other candidates why they aren’t wearing it. Edwards? Clinton? McCain? *Sigh* Wake me when it’s time to vote.

OK. ‘Splain this to me. A woman was arrested earlier this week. Police handcuffed her, put her in the car, and turned to do some other things. Next thing they know, this woman is driving off…in the police cruiser. STILL.IN.HANDCUFFS. Huh? Um, weren’t her hands cuffed BEHIND her? Dang Ma. She gives new meaning to the slogan, “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!”

Happy Friday!

I came across this poem yesterday as I was working to free myself from a few things. So much truth in this poem. I thank whoever created it. What does “letting go” mean to you?

** Don’t forget to click on the “Fund Mammogram” at the bottom right of this page. Thanks! **

NOTE: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Ladies…feel ‘em up! Heck, enlist your mate’s help. See that pink ribbon on the bottom right hand of this page? Ok. Click on it. Each click helps fund mammograms. Won’t cost you nothing but a few seconds. Go on. Click on it. You know you want to. Be well. Literarily!**

It’s gonna be a s-l-o-w day ’round here. My energy’s low today…sleep’s off so I’m giving myself a “pajama day”. I picked up a bunch of new music last week including Queen Latifah’s latest offering, “Travelin’ Light”…her second jazz CD. I picked up her first one a couple of years back and was impressed so when the new CD dropped, I snapped up a copy. Without having heard any of the songs. Brave, huh?

Imagine my surprise when the first song I heard was “Poetry Man”. I’ve loved that song from the first time I heard it…the Phoebe Snow rendition. (Love Phoebe Snow too! “Harpo’s Blues”? “Touch Your Soul”? The theme from “Different World”? LOL) I remember hearing a friend of a friend sing “The Poetry Man” years ago. Brought tears to my eyes. It has a deeper meaning for me these days. I still love it though. All hail the Queen!

Enjoy the listen.

I tried to link to Phoebe Snow’s “Touch Your Soul” which I’ve been listening to on repeat all morning. No go. Sorry.

*SIGH*

Ain’t nuffin gon’ git done ‘round here today. Nuffin.