Resilient. The ability to “bounce back”. *SIGH* For the second weekend in a row, my plans have evaporated right before my eyes and so, I find myself having to ‘improvise’. Oh well. Such is life, right?

I started this post on resilience last week after a conversation I had with someone about a child who’d been through a pretty rough situation. She spoke the words that many of us have said, that many of us think: “Kids are resilient.”

Have you heard that before? Ever said it? I’ve heard it. I’ve probably said it too, though maybe not in those exact words. Here’s my question for you: are kids really “resilient”?

Resilient is defined as
1. springing back, rebounding
2. returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched
3. recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant

We say things like, “Kids are resilient”, “Kids don’t get caught up in XYZ” but is that true?

Years ago, a small child climbed into my lap, rested his head against my chest, and sighed like an old man. With tears in his eyes, he said, “I got the wrong parents.” All I could do was cry and hum around that lump in my throat. I see that kid today, I look at what’s going on in his life, and I know for a fact that he is not necessarily “resilient”. I don’t know if he remembers saying those words to me but I’m sure he still believes it. Some days, so do I. I know he carries all that early pain with him and that, while he’s doing well, it’s still there. Every now and then, it rises to the surface and you can hear it in his voice, see it in his posture. And all you can do is hug him, tell him that it serves a purpose – even if none of you can see it at the moment. And pray that he hears you. That he heeds you.

Not long ago, another small child climbed into my lap, rested his head against my chest, and said, “My daddy’s in jail”. He’s too young to even know what jail is. He doesn’t know. What he knows is that his daddy, who was raising him, isn’t here. He’s too young to even have you explain what that means. Like the other child, he’s doing well. He’s learning to count, to write his name, to say his alphabets, learning his address, phone number. He gets lost outside playing silly games and still jumps for joy when he sees an airplane overhead. But…still I wonder…what this will mean for him later.

Another small child climbs into my lap, rests her head against my chest, and murmurs “Mama”. I correct her gently and sing silly songs into her hair. Minutes later, she’s ready to chase butterflies. She touches everything in her reach, naming them, and clapping for herself when she gets them right. Sometimes she cries in her sleep, reaching out for her mother. She touches nothing but air.

Is this where we first learn to mask our pain, when as kids people tell us that we’re resilient? I know more kids that I can count who were pronounced “resilient” who have grown up and struggle with relationships – with their parents, with their larger family, intimate relationships.

Sometimes I think that adults try so hard to smooth things over…or in some cases to run from them…that we don’t stop long enough to really ask the CHILD how THEY feel. Sometimes we ask but because the child can’t articulate it quickly, that becomes our “out”, our way to sweep that conversation under the rug. Sometimes we TELL the child how they feel and they sense that WE as adults need them to say they feel the way we say they do.

I can tell you from personal experience that what people sometimes take as resilience really isn’t. It’s confusion – you don’t know exactly what it is you feel, you can’t put it in words, and even if you could, nobody appears to be listening. I can also tell you that the things we think have been smoothed over, the things that kids have bounced back from are like boomerangs that come back years later and smack that now-grown child in the back of the head. Instant baggage. I mean, if kids are so resilient, how come so many of us have all these emotional walls built up, wear so many different masks, run from the very things we say we want? Seriously.

I have no idea how to combat this. Other than to hug those kids tight. Sing silly songs. Let them tell me how they feel. Let them cry when they need to. To just be there with them. To love them, to listen to them so that they feel it.

Well…I’m off to hug some babies this weekend. Off to hang with Princess So Fabulous, my nephew “Peanut” and his baby sister “Punkin”.

Ahhh, the duties of a Favorite Auntie are never done. Me lub it.

Enjoy your weekend. Be safe!

Dear Mr. President,
I just wanted to drop you a quick line, just share a few of my loose thoughts with you, American to American, citizen to citizen. I hope that’s all right with you.

You know, yesterday marked the two-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. You DO remember that, don’t you? ‘Member how you slapped ya boy, “The Horse Whisperer” on the back and said, “You’re doing a hellavu job Brownie!”. ‘Member?

Well, let me start by saying that I hate that there are anniversaries of things like Hurricane Katrina, 911, etc. I really do. Anniversaries are meant to be happy occasions and I’m sorry – I just can’t find my happy place.

So, I was listening to a radio show yesterday and Mayor Ray Nagin was on air. (News teams reported that he went out of his way NOT to share the stage with you. Ain’t that about a blip?) He said he had dinner with you the night before so people asked him what you had to say about Hurricane Katrina and the “progress” that’s been made. (I put “progress” in quotes because I mean it to be facetious… ironic– I mean it to be funny.). The mayor says he’s come to the conclusion that this situation is bigger than you, that it’s bigger than what you as president can fix. Please, please, please tell me that it ain’t so. I just need you to say the words.

Do you know what pains me the most about his words? About this being bigger than you as president can fix? That as the President of the United States, as the Leader of one of the richest countries in the world, as “The DECIDER”, you don’t have enough polish to simply FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. That is a painful realization Mr. President. As much as I abhor dislike the sentiment of “Fake it till you make it”, the fact that you might not be able to pull that off is frightening. Lawd, that makes you look like the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy pulled back that curtain. Jesus take the wheel! And the white house! (Sidenote: I do have a theory that there was more than one scarecrow in Oz looking for a brain. That’s just my take on things. *shrug*)

Oh, excuse me Mr. President. Now. Where was I? Ok, now I know this isn’t EXACTLY the same thing but let’s go with this analogy…um, let’s “pretend”. I worked as a project manager for many years. I was fortunate in that, I had tremenedously qualified resources who were actually in charge of doing the work. That made my job so much easier. I didn’t have to know the details – I just had to know who did, empower them to do their jobs, and fight sporadic fires. Even though my former employer and I eventually “divorced”, they cannot deny that having the right people in the right positions was the way to go. I’m just saying. It might have worked for you too.

I know, fine time for me to tell you, huh? Well, I was a little preoccupied what with outsourcing, being laid off, fighting to pay for healthcare, donating to care packages for troops, Jena 6 (and no it’s NOT a new video game) and so on. You know – just another day in the life of the little guy.

Oh yeah, I wanted to ask this question. I know you’re adamant about not pulling troops out of Iraq, saying we can’t leave the country like that, that we have to take care of their infrastructure. So, um, not to be mean or anything Mr. President but what ‘bout New Orleans? What about the infrastructure there? Why is it that the levees won’t be completely rebuilt until 2011 and even then, they won’t save the city from another Category 5 storm? What about the infrastructure of the bridges in this country? What about…well, you get my point.

Well, I don’t wanna take up too much more of your time. I know you’re busy what with people dropping out of your cabinet like dead flies and what-not. Oh before I go, I noticed that while the country’s attention was on “Katrina – 2 Years Later”, “unknown sources” leaked that you were going to ask for another $50 million for Iraq. They say that will bring our average spending in Iraq to $3 billion/week. I don’t know if anybody else caught that but I heard it LOUD & CLEAR. Oh well, you just gotta love those “news leaks” and their impeccable timing.

Anywho, I just wanted to put that little bug in your ear. Calm down Mr. Decider – it’s just a saying! Dang!

Signed,
Just an ordinary citizen

*~* QUOTABLE *~*

“I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” –George W. Bush, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

“This process has been drug out a long time, which says to me it’s political.” –George W. Bush, discussing the controversy surrounding Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, Sofia, Bulgaria, June 11, 2007

“My attitude is, if they’re still writing about (number) one, 43 doesn’t need to worry about it.” –George W. Bush, on his legacy, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

untitled
(a poem-in-progress)

tears fall from my eyes like rain
tears heavy with the texture of pain
and my soul cries….

they chant, “remember New Orleans!”
to a people who can never forget
living on rooftops for days
that much closer to heaven, while hell climbed higher
the world watching them die a slow death
in the belly of one of the richest countries in the world
their pain magnified and pulsating in high-definition

tears fall from my eyes like rain
tears heavy with the texture of pain
and my soul cries…

america the beautiful, has become an aged-beauty queen
fighting to hold on to a crown that no longer fits her head
her children dying senselessly, drowning in mother nature’s tears
survivors called refugees, looters, trash, expendable
while the storm raged, and walls broke
children cried. people died.
the world watched as america’s dress flew up - again
exposing tattered underwear, soiled by the dirt she tries to hide
two years later…a watery anniversary
new orleans remains a bloated corpse
its children treated like sally hemmings’ disenfranchised offspring of sally hemmings
seeking nothing more than their birthright

tears fall from my eyes like rain
tears heavy with the texture of pain
and my soul cries…

© Jackie Young ~ 2007

This quote landed in my inbox this morning:
“DISCOMFORT IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR GROWTH.”

I think that is such a subjective thought. I don’t necessarily disagree with it. Personally, I know that many of my deepest moments of personal growth were fueled by the fact that I was uncomfortable where I was in life.

But, “DISCOMFORT” is a lot different than “PAIN”. And some of us have a much higher threshold for discomfort and/or pain. I truly believe that discomfort may be too quiet, too polite, for many of us to recognize it as a cry for changing, for digging deeper, for championing growth. Don’t get me wrong – I think it can happen. However, I think that in the situations that count the most, that birth our greatest growth spurts, it takes PAIN. Huge, spirit-wrenching doses of pain that wash over us in waves that we think are never going to stop.

Discomfort reminds me of those really cute shoes that pinch “just a little” when you wear them but you buy them anyway. Your “sitting down” shoes. You know the ones – you walk around the house in them with socks on, hoping to stretch them just a little bit. You put a band-aid on your toe right were they tend to rub. They’re a little uncomfortable but for the sake of looking good, you wear them anyway. You tell yourself to “WALK IT OUT!” But the MINUTE you get to the house or in the car knowing your only stop IS the house? BABY, them thangs get kicked off IM-ME-DI-ATE-LY!!

I’ve been involved in personal situations that were just like those cute shoes – pinching my spirit, rubbing up against my common sense but I wouldn’t let those situations go because they “looked” good. I thought I could stretch them, break them in, wear them down…or simply ignore the discomfort.

Discomfort is a whisper.
Pain? Pain is a soul-shattering, spine-tingling shout.

Discomfort is a pebble tossed gently against the window of your heart, mind, soul.
Pain? Pain is a brick tossed full-force, daring you to ignore it.

I had to move through a few cycles of situations that caused me discomfort. Had to let them escalate until they became points of pain. Until just the THOUGHT of them became triggers, causing all kinds of flashbacks. Until they tested the limits of my pain threshold before I realized just how foolish I was being. And I thank God that I learned that “Comfort trumps cute every day” before I did any real damage to my feet, my soul or my heart.

Years ago, I dated a straight con artist. There’s no other way to put it - he moved relationship to relationship trying to con women out of their money, possessions. To be sure, he was a beautiful lesson…but an empty person.

One thing he had perfected was the art of quoting scripture from the “twistable bible”. Ya’ll know what that is right? It’s the version of the Bible that people use when they want to twist God’s words to fit whatever situation they find themselves in. That was part of his arsenal, part of the way he preyed on women – quoting scripture and having women get so caught up in having a man who *knew* the word. Poor baby. Too bad he ran up on yours truly at a time when I was truly questioning my faith, seeking authenticity in my relationship with God. In that state, I was more likely to challenge any and everything that was said to me from a standpoint of Biblical reference so his ploy fell flat with me.

We were talking or watching TV one day and I remember saying, “What in the world?”. He, being smug, sanctimonious, and so sure that I’d melt at his “knowledge” of the Word said, “What are you doing IN the world woman of God?” I’m sure he’d used that line many times before and that it worked for him. Me? I laughed.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE WORLD?

For some reason, that situation and question came to me in light of recent events with Prophetess Juanita Bynum and her husband Bishop Thomas Weeks. In light of the news that Pastors Paula and Randy White are divorcing. In light of the fact that so many of us bury our heads in the sand and call that exercising our faith.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE WORLD?

Why is it that people don’t realize that the same issues that are in the world are also in the church? How could they not be – WE are in both places with our same issues no matter how much scripture we try to wrap around them. The church is filled with regular, ordinary people – from the pulpit to the last pew in the balcony. For many of us, that crushing pain in our lives is what drove us to church in the first place in search for relief from whatever our situations may be. We come to the church seeking healing like it’s a magic pill that’s given out as part of the benediction. We bring with us our wounds, our hurts, the pain, broken dreams, and secrets. Some come boldly – laying out whatever it is that troubles them. Some come still hiding their pain in the one place where it should be okay for them to simply lay their burden down. Unfortunately for many, the message they receive is, “Don’t leave your stuff laying around for everybody to see. Dress it up. Prop it up. Cover it in loud praises but for goodness sake, don’t stand before us with it on display.”

The body of Christ is called upon to help heal the world. We need to recognize that this healing includes the Church healing itself, from the inside out. Church is not a “safe house” in the sense that trouble can’t find you ever again as long as you’re inside those walls. The Word says, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper”. It doesn’t say the weapon won’t be formed – just that it won’t prosper. God never said it would be easy. He did say He would be with us.

I don’t know any more about either of those situations – Bynum/Weeks, the Whites - than you do. I don’t need or want to. I know that people are in pain – those caught up in the midst of it, those on the fringes. I know that it can’t be easy to be any of the parties involved in this and have it play out so painfully while the world watches…and wags its tongue…”in Jesus’ Name”.

Above all, I know that God has a purpose. What are we going to do know Church? Now that dirty laundry is sitting in the aisles, overflowing from the balcony?

This isn’t a “Call to Arms”. It is a wake-up call, a call to love, a call to really, truly be about our Father’s Business. The world is watching to see who answers the call. And how.

Heal thyself Church, heal thyself.

Check out what one of my favorite bloggers has to say on the situation in these two posts:

”First It Was Juanita & Her Hubby, Now It’s Paula White & Spouse Divorcing: What The Hell is Going On In The ‘Body of Christ’”

”Easy Like Sunday Morning: The Anticipated Response to the Recent Events of Bynum and White”

- Prophetess Juanita Bynum assaulted by her husband, Bishop Thomas Week

- Jena 6

- Michael Vick

- DMX’ house is raided…more dogs

- “Psuedo-celebs” in and out of jail quicker than you can swipe on lipgloss

The news just keeps on coming doesn’t it? Add to the mix whatever things are swirling around in my personal life and it’s easy to let that “stuff” wear me down. It’s important that I am AWARE of what’s going on around me without letting myself ABSORB it. Some days, that’s easier said than done bt I know that, for my peace of mind and my sanity, it’s so very necessary. It’s one of the reasons I “detox” my life and “quarantine” myself from time to time.

Energy is very important to me. And so, I need to balance the energy I give out with the energy that comes back to me. Negative energy wears me down, especially being a caring person - it’s easy to let people and situations tap too deeply into my energy reserves if I’m not careful.

This weekend seems like a perfect time to step back a bit, sit in stillness, and let my soul be rejuvenated. I went for a power walk this morning, spent some time stretching these super-tight muscles of mine. Came home to have a nice warm shower with some delicious smelling body wash. Slathered on moisturizer and wrapped myself in something cute but comfortable. If I close my eyes, right after I post this…I can see myself curled up on the couch, cup of mango tea in hand, some fresh fruit to nibble on, candles lit, smooth jazz playing in the background. Pen and paper at the ready - just in case. *wink* Maybe a book to read. I’ll give myself an hour or so of that kind of solitude. Ah yes, that’s the life!

Some say that they can’t sit still and do nothing (ha! maybe I should teach a class). It’s not “doing nothing” - it’s called centering myself, taking care of me, quality time. Personally, it’s one of the most productive things I can do…for myself…and for those with whom I interact.

Life is short. Finding ways to claim my own power and energy matter to me. Ways to tap into who I am, who I’m meant to be if I’m living at my fullest potential, my highest intention. Stepping away to take care of me helps me give my best to my family, to my relationships, to my life as a whole.

Personally, I think I’m more than worth the investment.

Not sure why but I was caught up yesterday thinking it was Friday. I’on know why - I don’t THINK I’m in any great rush to get to the weekend…not like I need to escape from a 9-2-5. *shrug* I think I was anticipating a roadtrip that alas, ain’t happening. *sigh*

1. Gossip mags are reporting that Janet Jackson is inadvertently paying child support for her brother Jermaine. They say Janet takes care of her 74-yr old mom (good for you Janet) and that her MOM has been paying Jermaine’s bills. Supposedly, a judge has ORDERED Ms. Kathryn to pay Jermaine’s child support!! What kind of nonsense is that?? Why would a grown-arse man’s MOTHER (or anybody else for that matter) have to pay his child support? If he can’t pay, lock him away! (Ok, cheap rhyme) At the very least, cut off his supply of Wave Noveau products - I bet you’d get a grip of funds then. Ugh!

2. Supermodel Naomi Campbell is bemoaning the fact that she has never been on the cover of UK’s Vogue and it’s been years since she graced the cover of the US version. She’s saying it’s about skin color. I’m saying it’s about C-R-A-Z-Y. Um, Naomi? Boo, it could well be that you’re not gracing covers cause you’se a loose cannon and what not. Nope, I’m not hating. I’m just stating. *Ducking cause I hear she throws a mean cellphone!*

3. What was up with the “Duct Tape Bandit” last week? The dude that robbed a bank with his head completely wrapped in duct tape? I sho’ hope he shaved his head before he taped up. Ooowee!

4. What is up with these crazy DUI stories?? An actor was arrested overseas for DUI…in a golf cart. Not to be outdone, some nut in my hometown got arrested for DUI…on his lawnmower.

5. Um, is it me or does it seem a bit “inhumane” that the Humane Society supposedly gave out M. Vick chew toys at a recent game?

6. Why is it that people in this day and age of getting every detail of a celeb’s life still act surprise when trouble hits that person’s life? Can’t tell you how many bitter comments I’ve heard in regards to Jill Scott’s divorce and the ugly situation with Juanita Bynum. And coming from other women at that! And then you have the nerve to wonder aloud why you’re still alone. Cause Baby, all that bitterness is T-O-X-I-C. You need to call in the Hazmat team. ASAP.

7. And the “FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-GOD-LET-IT-GO” Award….Terry McMillan and her ex, Jonathan Plummer. Plummer is poised to release HIS first book. A cautionary tale of a young man who, unsure of himself, becomes captivated by an older woman from another culture. Father, Father, Father!!

8. Special Dedication to Amy Wine.house, Lind.say Loh.an, Brit.tany Spe.ars, Nic.ole Rit.chie, Par.is Hi.lton and whoever else: “They tried to make me go to rehab but I said No, No, No!”. How sad is it that Winehouse’s life is now (allegedly) imitating art - i.e., her song “Rehab”. I say turn the cameras off of them, let them stew in “ordinary” for a while. I mean, do we really need a blow-by-blow of their day? Can we find a tiny island (I mean really, how big does it need to be to hold their narrow arses?) and drop them there for an unspecified amount of time? Or maybe another planet?

9. Have ya’ll seen this commercial? Why?? Do grown men really sit around singing the virtues of via.gra?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbPD0E9qDUU

10. This clip is DEFINITELY a twist on “Reading is Fundamental”. And um, if you’re accessing this at work, I suggest you plug in your headphones cause the language is RAW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN2VqFPNS8w

Here’s a different version - the language is the same so keep the headphones on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4jembul5ek

11. I’m listening to The Tom Joyner Morning Show and they’re reminiscing about how their parents used to snatch the cover off them in the morning and make them get up. Sybil told the story about how the day her mother was graduating from college, a cousin was over. Her mom got up early, got dressed and headed over to the college to get in line for her degree. The cousin was still asleep in the bed when she left the house. The grandfather, who happened to be the president at the college, made her mother get out of line, run home and make up the bed before she could get her diploma. Now THAT is an ol’ school parent fo’ sho!

12. Ya’ll wanna hear something that cracks me up? I’ve come across at least THREE people who are TRULY bothered by the fact that I’m sitting home, enjoying my “divorce” from corporate America. I mean it REALLY bothers them. I suppose they’d feel better if I was sitting around wringing my hands, moaning “Woe is me! What is I gon’ do??”. How absurd is that? I mean really. What’s it costing you except the start of some frigging ulcers? I might be able to understand it a little better if I was bemoaning the situation or asking them for money. But I haven’t. And guess what? I’d sit in the dark, no electricity at all before I’d go there. Like I chose this path. I didn’t. I do, however know enough to ACCEPT WHAT GOD ALLOWS.

Let’s talk about some thangs that I’m daydreaming about, some thangs that I’m anticipating.

First up: THIS is calling my name…and I find myself virtually unable to resist. It’s going to be my “back-to-work” shoe. OK, let me tell the truth - it’s gonna be mine as soon as things settle down around here. Ain’t no need for me to lie.

Second: Yummy!

Now I just need to find the “birthday” shoe.

Third: I.CAN’T.WAIT.

Fourth: Don’t get it twisted - she’s not “NEW”, nor is she “LOST & FOUND” - like the Intro says, “I’ve been here all the time”. Check out some of her other CDs. “LOST & FOUND” is her frist on a major label. Don’t sleep on it. And if she’s EVER in your area, you need to RUN to a show. For real. Her single, “Alright” is getting some radio time these days.

Fifth/Sixth: Some more poetry from two of my favorite poets. Sistahs, don’t make me put ya’ll on blast. I will. In the name of Love. And poetry. :::arms crossed, one perfectly arched eyebrow raised, head slightly cocked to the side, tapping right foot to the music in my head:::

Seventh: Finishing the first draft of MY first novel. Yeah, yeah, yeah - I know. “Pot calling the kettle black”. “Writer calling the poet trifling”. LOL I do have the benefit of saying I am “new” at this. Neither of you lovely ladies can say that. Ha! I’m just saying…how long must the world wait Ladies? Tomorrow isn’t promised. (Ok, that might be construed as overkill. Did it get you moving? Then that’s all that matters. *snicker*)

Eighth-Tenth: I.cant.even.tell.it. I have no words. None that I want to share publicly anyway. I am, however, wearing a smile that might bear pieces of your name. *Might*

Happy Friday!

FAITH….

Someone once told me that “faith isn’t really faith until it’s been tested” or something to that affect. I remember once thinking quite smugly that I was making moves, that my life was progressing so smoothly and that I wasn’t afraid of the devil. What I came to learn shortly after I had that misguided thought is, at that point in my life, the devil wasn’t stettin’ ’bout me. I wasn’t a threat to him in any way, shape, form or fashion. Why? Because I was simply moving around the edges of my life, peeping over the sides every once in a while, seeing the beauty that lived there and telling myself that either I wasn’t ready or I wasn’t worthy. Shoot, at that point in time, the devil didn’t even have to get out of bed to deal with me: I was defeating myself.

That’s another reason I tell people not to sweat “Haters” - everyone has a role to play and if nothing or noone’s coming against you, you really need to check yourself. I wasn’t at a place where I was truly ready to do battle with the devil. God knew that even if I didn’t. I laugh now because I see myself like that little kid on the playground who has the bully scared and is so full of “look what I did!” bravada, he/she doesn’t realize that the bully sees an even bigger kid behind me. I was still way, way under God’s wing and so what the devil was seeing was God’s shadow protecting me. Oh but once God said “It’s time to venture out”, I caught it. Sometimes I folded easily, crying out at the smallest tap from the devil. Sometimes I beat the devil to the bunch and hurt myself…Self Inflected Nonsense.

Last week, I decided that I would just truly, fully, completely immerse myself in all the JOY that my life held. I would give myself over to it, enjoy it, love it, share it, create it - the whole nine. That was (and remains) my honest intention for living my life out loud on purpose. And you know what happened next, right? Here come the devil to test my EBS - Everything you Believe System. Newly repaired A/C stops working. I discover the A/C folks have burned a small hole in my carpet and covered it up (in addition to the holes they left in one wall and the scratch on another). The car won’t start. Plumbing in the upstairs bathroom goes on the fritz. Range hood reminds me that it HAS to be replaced. Physical headaches come back. It just keeps coming.

I was ALMOST ready to just give up and give in. The proverbial straw that “almost” broke the camel’s back? Something so silly but in the moment, with all those other stuff piling up, it almost had me dissolving into tears. Instead of letting the tears (and the fears) take over, I got still. Although I wasn’t really watching it, the TV was on. A storm was approaching my little corner of the world here in VA. The message from the Emergency Broadcast System scrolled across the screen and just like that *snap* I remembered who I was, what I was purposed to do, and more importantly I remembered WHOSE I was and who was standing behind me.

“This is a test. God is conducting a test of the Everything you Believe System. This is only a test.”

“This is a test of the Everything you Believe System. God developed this system to keep you focused on faith, your thoughts, and purpose. If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just received would have been followed by official information, news, or instructions such as pray, be still, move. This concludes this test of the Everything you Believe System.”

“The only thing keeping you from what it is you really want is the story you have about why you can’t have it.” – Anthony Robbins

As a poet/writer, storytelling is key. I’m a creative chick who’s been blessed with a very active and vivid imagination so being able to spin a story isn’t hard work for me. I’d heard a quote similar to this some years ago when I first decided to do a little “soul work” on myself. I “heard” the quote then but kept moving through life. Telling myself stories. Telling them to other people.

Remember these posts -
”Tears for a Little Girl”, ”A Question of Enough”, and “When is Enough Enough”? Those posts were about my “Enough” issues – am I smart enough, pretty enough, etc. Ahhhh, the beauty of hindsight.

I read that quote about the story we tell ourselves and I realize that all of my “ENOUGH” issues are stories. Many of them didn’t even start with me – they’re stories that someone else told about me. Baggage. Some are stories I told about myself.

You know, the stories that others told (tell) about me? If they aren’t true, that makes them poorly written fairytales. Why am I still believing them? Do I still believe in “Billy Goat Gruff”, “Rapunzel”, “Little Red Riding Hood”? No. So why am I still dragging that mess around? I think it’s just force of habit. Well, I think that’s what it WAS cause I’m dumping that trash. No recycling allowed.

Now, the stories that I tell myself about myself? Those to me are more serious. Why? Sometimes they become so ingrained, we don’t even realize they’re part of our thought process. Because we don’t always SAY them out loud, we don’t realize how much of an impact they have on how we live…or why we hide from life.

But I’m a writer dammit! And so, I know that I can edit that crap. I can do massive revisions. I.CAN.REWRITE.THE.STORY. And so, I do. I rewrite it. Every day. And I live my life from the pieces that have been rewritten, reworded, rescripted. Those are the pieces that ring true for me.

The pieces that show me as being

Loving enough
Beautiful enough
Smart enough
Special enough
Funny enough
Insightful enough
Thoughtful enough
Brave enough
Hard-working enough
Deserving enough
Creative enough

That’s my story: ENOUGH. I am enough. In every since of the word. I’m gonna let that marinate in my spirit for a while…this knowledge that not only am I enough but that I’ve ALWAYS been enough, no matter who was telling the story. Mmm, I hear that thought playing over the soundtrack of Peace in my life. Makes one hell of a theme song Baby. I can dance to that. Cupid Shuffle Baby!

Know that you are enough too. It may not happen overnight but SAY IT UNTIL YOU SEE IT!

Live Deliciously!
J

I’VE BEEN INFECTED…..

I should have seen this coming. For real. The symptoms were there. I just wasn’t paying attention. “Sleepwalking”, you know? And so here I am: I-N-F-E-C-T-E-D. And no, I don’t know if it’s contagious….

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE:

The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience.
(J’s interpretation: Let it go. Feel the fear and do it anyway!)

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
(J’s interpretation: Be present)

A loss of interest in judging other people.
(J’s interpretation: if you like it, I love it for you. In the grand scheme of my life, what does this have to do with me?)

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
(J’s interpretation: people do what they do and have to deal with their choices)

A loss of interest in conflict.
(J’s interpretion: I’m a lover not a fighter!)

A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a VERY serious symptom).
(J’s interpretation: “What? Me worry?)

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
(J’s interpretation: Maintain an “Attitude of Gratitude”. If the only prayer you ever utter is “Thank you”, it will be enough)

Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
(J’s interpretation: You are not alone. Welcome to the village. You are part of something bigger than yourself.)
Frequent attacks of smiling.
(J’s interpretation: A beautiful, sincere smile is one hell of a calling card)

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
(J’s interpretation: Jesus take the wheel! As long as God’s driving, I’ll ride shot-gun.)

An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend.
(J’s interpretation: Love is the key. Love is the answer. LOVE…is my anthem. If I am to be the very thing I seek, I am love.)

~ PEACE BE WITH YOU ~
** Author Unknown**



Yep. I’m infected. In a mighty way. And Baby, I am singing these lines pilfered from “The Boss” herself, Ms. Diana Ross “If there’s a cure for this I don’t want it, I don’t want it. If there’s a cure for this, I’ll run from it, from it.”

Inner peace is a beautiful by-product of cultivating joy. So is experiencing the movement of grace in your life. It is an amazing place. I think I’ll take up permanent residence.

I was talking about this, my whole “JOY Project” with a friend yesterday and her comment was, “So you expect to always be happy, to never have another problem again in life?” That is so not what I said or what JOY means. Shoot, I’m experiencing “problems” right now. The difference is that I KNOW it’s going to work out. That I KNOW it won’t last always. That I KNOW I’ll be greater later cause I’m great right now. LOL