A week ago, my nephew D – a rising high school senior - asked if I’d come home to take him to get his pics taken. Now, why is it that I needed to do this when he has two able-bodied parents living in the same town? Outside of the fact that I am the “favorite aunt”? Cause sometimes folks are shiftless. Sometimes their priorities are wrong. But, I went anyway. It’s been a minute since we spent any quality time together, especially without my Mom around. Don’t get me wrong – I love that little lady but my Mom babies him too much. It’s hard to have a conversation with him where she’s not coughing up the answer to questions I ask him.

In the past when school started up, I’d take him and my niece shopping and add a few things to their “back-to-school” loot. Probably won’t happen this year based on the job situation. Things like that don’t register with kids though. Case in point, last week D said he’d buy his own clothes (he “worked” this summer) and ‘suggested’ I pay for his football stuff. I reminded him of a few things namely that he’s not really my child, I’m not working, I have bills to pay, both of his parents are working, AND his mom gets child support (even though he & his dad stay at my mom’s house).

Tuesday he calls to remind me about the pics. He goes on to say there’s a $20 sitting fee. He has the money but wants to go out to eat with his friends and if he spent $10 at dinner, would I give him $10. I broke it down this way for him: you’re working, surely you have more than $20? Yes he does but he’s saving it. Ok but…if you only have $20 to spend, need $20 for the pics & want to go out to eat, you need to choose – pics or eating out. Period. Anywho, we go have the pics taken and we’re home looking over the package he ordered. I ask him if he showed the information to either one of his parents cause somebody who had a hand in his conception would need to pay for the pictures. He showed the information to his mom but she didn’t offer up any input. Ya’ll know what that means, right? Stay tuned….

D plays football. He’s a fairly good player from all accounts, lots of recognition, awards, etc. Every summer his coach takes whoever can afford to go to a football camp at local VA colleges – JMU, VT, etc. D wanted to go this year but it appears his funds were diverted so that his little sister could see Chris Brown. He is not happy about that. He says it’s ok but you know it’s not – way too much discrepancy in the way he’s treated vs. his sister/brother but I remind him that life isn’t always fair and you just have to keep moving and not let it get you down. You know he asked me if I would pay for him to go. I was tempted. I really was. Wrote the check and left it at the house in an undisclosed location.

But as I’m sitting here now, I’ve decided not to tell him where it is. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I know what it’s like to want to participate and not be able to. But I want him to learn that he also has to make sacrifices. For example – it’s his senior year. That means pictures (two school sanctioned sets), prom, football banquets, track banquets, class trip, class ring, yearbook, etc.

But when he was offered a summer job, he opted to work only THREE days a week. THREE. Knowing that he’d have to move to working weekends only starting in July because of football practices and workouts. Lazy, short-sighted thinking. Me coughing up funds doesn’t help him correct that. So, he won’t be going – not on my dime. I spotted him pocket change for a camp he went to earlier this summer. I reminded him that while I’m not working and I’m not struggling for anything, I still have bills. And I’m not inconveniencing myself for something that isn’t critical.

Add to that we’ve been spending some time going over college information, compiling a list of schools he’s interested in, getting his football “tape” made, etc. Before I came home, I spent time with him and his best friend searching online for college information, talking about SAT/ACT, financial aid, etc. D’s looking for money for a week of football camp but I had to break down the fact that it costs money to take the SAT/ACT, apply to various colleges, create those highlight tapes and mail them to prospective schools, etc. .

Kids. I laugh because, when I was younger and my mom was talking to folks about me she’d say with almost an air of pride, “She doesn’t have any kids.” (for a woman who had 9 kids, me not being a teen mom probably was a thing of pride). Nowadays, I hear something different in her voice when she says those things.

“She doesn’t have any kids.”

She’s wrong. I may not have given BIRTH to them, but they’re still “MY” kids.

What it do Folks? Thought I’d share a rough draft of a poetic collaboration between yours truly and a poet/friend. It’s just a portion of the entire poem cause it’s a l-o-n-g a** poem. For real. Anywho, enjoy! Oh, here’s a little Floetry to go with it. (I’d have to say this is my favorite Floetry song.)

All I have is Thank You

You touch
my soul
in ways
that defy
mere description
you give
my heart
permission to
expand itself
opening gently
making room
for love.
You kiss
my spirit
blessing me
with wings
lifting me
higher than
i could
imagine possible
you hold
my weakest
part gracefully
cherishing its
vulnerability coupled
with strength
tucking them
inside your
own heart
where your
pulse bears
my name
and all
i can
offer you
is this:
thank you.

© 2006 ~ Jackie Young

Outside of the fact that I need to say a really deep & heartfelt “THANK YOU” to some friends who went the extra mile without being asked, without knowing that it was what I really needed at the moment, and without hesitation or reservation, there is no correlation between my “THANK YOU” and this poem. It just happens to be the only one currently at my disposal that has “thank you” built into it. (Besides, I like it.)

Friend #1: Friday morning I found myself wracked with pain…steady, hobbling, major tear-inducing pain. From less than 5 minutes of an ordinary household chore. I don’t think you realized how much pain I was in and though I mentioned needing a hug and a smile, we didn’t talk specifics. Nothing either of us could have done but ride it out. Talking to you moved my mind away from the pain for a while or maybe your words just felt like a much-needed hug. Thank you.

Friend #2: How could I forget you my friend? Just the right amount of silliness, intellectual conversation and concern spread over the course of the weekend. I can’t believe you spent all that time researching and then sending me what you found. As if I didn’t already know that stuff. Hello? Remember me? The person who’s dealing with the issue? LOL I know you’re very busy and the fact that you shut down some things over the course of the last three days to check on me constantly speaks volumes about your character and our friendship. And you KNOW that means so much to me.

Friend #3: I don’t think you realize just how much power you have, how much presence you have. Those were some spirit-reviving words you spoke so don’t get it twisted – not all those tears were because of the pain. If ever I had the chance to morph into another person for even a day, I would pick you. Just to see the world from your point of view for a day…and as you say, “to see the “YOU” you see when you look at me”. I thank you for being my friend for the past 20+ years. I don’t know which is bigger or warmer – your heart, your smile, your hug, or your spirit. Thank you for sharing each of them with me.

I’m better. I promise. Yes, I’ve resolved to do what I need to do to STAY “better”. I am blessed to count each of you as a friend. I hope that I have returned to you even a fraction of the blessings that you’ve been in my life. Though it seems woefully inadequate, it is all I have and so to you I say sincerely and with love….thank you.

(PS…to YOU…not sure if YOU are reading this but Happy Birthday. Yes, you. Yes, I remembered. Enjoy your day.)

Kupenda

By:Haki Madhubuti

Lips like yours

ought to be worshipped

See, i aint never been

too religious

but you can baptize me

anytime

**** One of my all-time favorite poems by one of my all-time favorite poets. Mmmmm… Kinda reminds me of this poem by yours truly…****

untitled

while my thoughts skirt the edges of sacrilege,

i will not label you religion

for that is too bold

though your name falls from my lips

like pent-up prayers.

copyright 2006 ~ Jackie Young

pantry

She never let anyone go into the pantry

fearful of what they might find on the shelves

laying haphazardly between the cinnamon and cumin…

the sounds of her muffled cries

broken heart tossed behind 5lbs of sugar

spilling over, not sweetening it, but hardening it

syrup poured over lies don’t make them sweet,

just make them more sticky than normal

as if lies have opportunity to be anything other than sticky

no, she never let anyone go into the pantry

for it was in the kitchen, always the kitchen

“the center of the home” he said

where he sought to defile her center

where his fists punched into her body

as though she were dough & he was preparing it for cooking

the kitchen….where love gathered

cowering in corners, trying to save itself

becoming a shredded mess inside of wrap made of fear

coughing as he peppered her body with spoiled spice of his own

a toxic form of black pepper coating her skin like paprika

adding nothing to delicacy that is her….

no, she never let anyone go into the pantry….

Copyright 2006 ~ Jackie Young

** I know. It’s not “Wordplay Wednesday”. True. But I’m tired. Still feeling a bit under the weather. Ok, and a wee bit lazy. Had one of those late-night, three hour phone calls with a friend who could have talked longer & would have had I not said, “Um, you do know we can continue this call tomorrow?”. Oh, and in case YOU are wondering, no - it wasn’t as enlightening as our ‘conversation’. Anywho, I’m heading back to bed. Happy Tuesday! **

Hello Happy People! How was ya weekend? I had a ball despite a headache that will not quit. Started out with a little poetry exchange with a poet/friend on Friday & was quite the collabo. I’m sure there’ll be more, right? LOL (I hear John Legend signing, “Another Again”) I’ll have my people call your people, a’ight?

Saturday morning, I was a guest on an internet radio show hosted by my friend Truth Theory along with poets Mocha Sistah and Marc Lacey. The topic? “LOVE”. It’s the second radio show I did where LOVE was the topic. *sigh* Had a ball though – it was a spirited, energizing, thought-provoking session (well, from my perspective anyway). Truth worked in some spoken word from new and seasoned poets and each of his guests (Mocha, Marc & myself) shared a piece from our latest collections. It was a fun hour + about 20-30 minutes of “after the show”.

Then we moved into Saturday evening…and the whole reason behind the “DOCTOR, DOCTOR” caption. Is there a doctor in the house???? No?

Well, there’s one in my family now. Yes indeed. As of Monday, June 25, 2007 @ 11:30am….

FAVCUS#1 is now “FavCus#1, PhD”….”Dr. FavCus#1”

Yea!!! I’m so very proud of my cousin and excited for her. The culmination of a portion of her dream. Take a bow FavCus#1, take a bow. You earned it. Girlfriend went straight from getting her BS in Accounting to a M.Ed and finally to her Doctorate in Higher Ed Administration. Won’t be long before she’ll be “Dean FavCus#1″ - I’m claiming that right now! She got her Masters and Doctorate while working very demanding full-time jobs (each resplendent with an array of ab-so-frigging-lutely CRAZY a** people & situations). AND while being a single mom to FavCus#2, “the Princess” – a beautiful, well-rounded, well-adjusted daughter (surprisingly well-adjusted considering the colorful characters on BOTH sides of her family…but most especially her daddy’s.)

It can be done folks. It takes focus, dedication, some folks you can call up and say, “I just need you to listen to this and see if it makes sense” or “can you watch the Munchkin while I’m in class?” or “I NEED A DRINK”. Sometimes all that happened simultaneously. And for the record, there were times when I got the call & I had no frigging clue what FavCus#1 was talking about but I hung in there. Girlfriend would call me all excited about some comparative analysis about trends in higher ed and this policy and that and you know my eyes were glazed over. I rose to the occasion though – either asking questions until I got it or giving the appropriate signals…or just laughing at her excitement.

We laughed at the times I had to talk her out of smacking somebody or the times she had to talk me down…like that whacky “transcriptionist” who left out complete words, changed words (we still don’t know how she transcribed the word “condom” into a sentence) and left out complete sentences. There were folks who were on smack-down rotation but since I am not convinced that we still don’t need to kick their a**, I won’t name them.

FavCus#1 has ALWAYS been a brainiac – ALWAYS. Poised. Confident. Ask her what she wanted to be when she was young – I’m talking very young. Go ‘head. Ask her. I’ll tell you – she wanted to be on the board of directors for some company. Now, who in de hell wants to do that when they’re young? Who even knows what a board of directors is when they’re young?? Nobody but a brainiac. (Now go head and ask her ‘bout the time she cried cause the pastor talked about how God would forgive us 7×7 times & she being the ultimate math wiz at very young age knew 7×7 =49 so she just KNEW she was in trouble. ROFL)

I have no words to adequately convey how proud I am of her, of having her as family, and more importantly, for having her as my friend.

That’s why we gathered on Saturday evening. To celebrate this major accomplishment, to show her that we support her, and to celebrate her “brainiacedness”. Now to be sure, some of us came along for the bonus of “junk brownies”, a fish fry, and the infamous rum punch & mojitos.

We gathered together for fun, fellowship and to celebrate FavCus#1’s accomplishment and had a b-a-l-l. Every year we have a few newbies show up – bless their hearts. Most of us hung out until well after midnight (as usual), laughing at ourselves, sharing information, talking about books, music, movies. Conversation ebbed and flowed all evening and I don’t think we missed a single topic.

We were missing a few regulars. My “crush” moved all the way across the country to Cali. And Big Daddy, you are SO off the invite list. How you gonna ask us if we having the cook-out and then NOT show?? Man…what kind of love is that?? I’m just saying.

Anywho, I made my way home around 2:30, crawled into bed, and had the craziest dream. Might have been the headache I was nursing before the festivities began. It couldn’t possibly be the mojitos, repeated glasses of rum punch, and whatever that concoction was that E cooked up. Nawwww….couldn’t be that.

Off to nurse this headache that won’t go away & try to get in a few hours of sleep. Hope your weekend was as much fun as mine!