“Somebody” out there is looking at this particular blog, hearing Beyonce and is ready to either write me off or host an intervention. Relax - I like the song AND it fits the topic. Now if I show up with a gift box of all her CDs/videos, THEN you can start the intervention. Anywho, intervention notwithstanding, I love the sentiment of this song.

You’ve heard the saying that “LOVE IS BLIND” before right? Do you believe it? I don’t. Love ain’t blind. For the record, it ain’t cripple or crazy either…no matter how much we twist ourselves and our emotions around some nonsense that we’ve labeled “Love”.

Love isn’t blind. It sees everything - with better than 20/20 vision. It just happens to see it through a filter that lets it weed out what’s truly important and what isn’t. On the surface, it’s easy to love someone when things are going smoothly; the real test comes when “life” shows up in any agitated form. You find out a lot about a person when life shifts a bit under their feet or yours.

Perfection in and of itself is an illusion. Who defines perfection? Is there some agency that sets the standards and does random quality checks to be sure everything is up to snuff? No? Exactly. It’s subjective, meaning you have to define it for yourself. Personally, I’ll take the one who, flaws and all, is perfect for me.

We’re all flawed in some way or another. It doesn’t mean we’re not capable of loving someone else, or that we ourselves aren’t capable or deserving of love. Don’t be so quick to say “LOVE IS BLIND”. Love isn’t about asking anyone to give up their common sense or turn a blind eye to behaviors or traits that fly in the face of what’s good for them. Too often we’re in such a rush to lay claim to Love that we turn a blind eye to things that should be automatic red flags for us. You need to know that is NOT Love. While Love does require compromise, you need to know that Love will not ask you to compromise yourself to that degree. You can call it “love” but trust and believe, LOVE - real, authentic LOVE - will not answer.

I hear people say “Love is Blind” in various scenarios – where the two people are of different races/ethnicities, maybe different religious beliefs, or maybe where their physical presences don’t seem to “match up” in someone else’s eyes. Or where one (or maybe both) people have some behaviors or traits that others see as questionable.

From a racial/ethnicity perspective, Love isn’t blind and you shouldn’t be either. I remember saying that, when I interact with people, I don’t see color. That’s not true – I “see” it, but I don’t let it define the interaction. NOT acknowledging something so important opens the door for issues. NOT acknowledging differences in things like race, ethnicity, religion, etc. negates a large part of who the other person is, a large part of what makes them the way they are. You’re tossing out a lifetime of history, culture and experiences by turning a “blind” eye to those things.

When I was younger and walking around mumbling about “Love is Blind”, it simply meant that I had no clue who I was or what I was worth and so, I dealt with a lot of unnecessary bs (is there such a thing as “necessary” bs?), settling for emotional crumbs trying not to see what was staring me in the face. I had to get my vision straight or continue letting myself be treated poorly…in the name of love.

That blurred vision caused me some emotional pain but, like Granny always said, “Just keep on living Baby, life will sho’ nuff teach you”. And it did. I found myself “stuck” in some “relationships” that, while emotionally painful to live through, proved to be great laboratories - a place to experiment, find out what worked, what didn’t, what hurt, what burned, what felt right. What I learned is that, every relationship has it’s ups and downs but Bullshyt? That’s completely optional.

So, for a man who gives good conversation, I’m blind to stuff like whether the cap is on or off the toothpaste or that the toilet seat is up. For a man who knows quiet on my part doesn’t mean something’s wrong with “us” but rather that some thing’s on my mind that I need to process…him standing in the door of the refrigerator “letting all the cold air out” doesn’t matter. A man who’ll let my Peabo Bryson CD’s rest among his prized collection. Who isn’t suprised when the CD player rotates between Peabo, Fred Hammond, Norah Jones, Creed, Dixie Chicks, and Jill Scott cause I’m ecletic like that. Who knows that, while the gravy isn’t “pretty”, it’s edible AND actually tastes good. The one who offers you jellybeans and a backrub after a hard day? Who doesn’t see all those lit candles as a sign that you’re either holding a seance or you’re a pyromaniac. Who has learned to sleep through me singing in the shower at 5am? When you can share space - physically and otherwise - with someone who sees all those little pieces of your personality (and sometimes all at once) and they’re still there -holding your hand, providing a hug or an ear? That’s what’s up.

When they see you clearly - flaws and all - and they don’t flinch? That’s when “Love is Blind”. I’d give up my “sight” to be able to relax into something like that. Real talk.

Next time you find yourself saying “Love is Blind”, take it deeper. You might need to adjust your vision too.