A week ago, my nephew D – a rising high school senior - asked if I’d come home to take him to get his pics taken. Now, why is it that I needed to do this when he has two able-bodied parents living in the same town? Outside of the fact that I am the “favorite aunt”? Cause sometimes folks are shiftless. Sometimes their priorities are wrong. But, I went anyway. It’s been a minute since we spent any quality time together, especially without my Mom around. Don’t get me wrong – I love that little lady but my Mom babies him too much. It’s hard to have a conversation with him where she’s not coughing up the answer to questions I ask him.

In the past when school started up, I’d take him and my niece shopping and add a few things to their “back-to-school” loot. Probably won’t happen this year based on the job situation. Things like that don’t register with kids though. Case in point, last week D said he’d buy his own clothes (he “worked” this summer) and ‘suggested’ I pay for his football stuff. I reminded him of a few things namely that he’s not really my child, I’m not working, I have bills to pay, both of his parents are working, AND his mom gets child support (even though he & his dad stay at my mom’s house).

Tuesday he calls to remind me about the pics. He goes on to say there’s a $20 sitting fee. He has the money but wants to go out to eat with his friends and if he spent $10 at dinner, would I give him $10. I broke it down this way for him: you’re working, surely you have more than $20? Yes he does but he’s saving it. Ok but…if you only have $20 to spend, need $20 for the pics & want to go out to eat, you need to choose – pics or eating out. Period. Anywho, we go have the pics taken and we’re home looking over the package he ordered. I ask him if he showed the information to either one of his parents cause somebody who had a hand in his conception would need to pay for the pictures. He showed the information to his mom but she didn’t offer up any input. Ya’ll know what that means, right? Stay tuned….

D plays football. He’s a fairly good player from all accounts, lots of recognition, awards, etc. Every summer his coach takes whoever can afford to go to a football camp at local VA colleges – JMU, VT, etc. D wanted to go this year but it appears his funds were diverted so that his little sister could see Chris Brown. He is not happy about that. He says it’s ok but you know it’s not – way too much discrepancy in the way he’s treated vs. his sister/brother but I remind him that life isn’t always fair and you just have to keep moving and not let it get you down. You know he asked me if I would pay for him to go. I was tempted. I really was. Wrote the check and left it at the house in an undisclosed location.

But as I’m sitting here now, I’ve decided not to tell him where it is. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I know what it’s like to want to participate and not be able to. But I want him to learn that he also has to make sacrifices. For example – it’s his senior year. That means pictures (two school sanctioned sets), prom, football banquets, track banquets, class trip, class ring, yearbook, etc.

But when he was offered a summer job, he opted to work only THREE days a week. THREE. Knowing that he’d have to move to working weekends only starting in July because of football practices and workouts. Lazy, short-sighted thinking. Me coughing up funds doesn’t help him correct that. So, he won’t be going – not on my dime. I spotted him pocket change for a camp he went to earlier this summer. I reminded him that while I’m not working and I’m not struggling for anything, I still have bills. And I’m not inconveniencing myself for something that isn’t critical.

Add to that we’ve been spending some time going over college information, compiling a list of schools he’s interested in, getting his football “tape” made, etc. Before I came home, I spent time with him and his best friend searching online for college information, talking about SAT/ACT, financial aid, etc. D’s looking for money for a week of football camp but I had to break down the fact that it costs money to take the SAT/ACT, apply to various colleges, create those highlight tapes and mail them to prospective schools, etc. .

Kids. I laugh because, when I was younger and my mom was talking to folks about me she’d say with almost an air of pride, “She doesn’t have any kids.” (for a woman who had 9 kids, me not being a teen mom probably was a thing of pride). Nowadays, I hear something different in her voice when she says those things.

“She doesn’t have any kids.”

She’s wrong. I may not have given BIRTH to them, but they’re still “MY” kids.