Sunday nights around 8pm during the regular TV season, you can find me sitting at home crying. Almost like clockwork. I admit it. It’s true. I would turn on the TV and watch “Extreme Makeover – Home Edition”. The stories are so touching that, generally, before they’re even 5 minutes into the show, I am crying. Sometimes I’d call FavCus#1 and we’d cry our little Sprint minutes away.

Here’s a confession – I have a ‘slight’ addiction to Extreme Makeover Home Edition. And “Clean Sweep”. And um, “Clean House”. And who can forget “What Not to Wear.” There are a few others but you get the picture.

“Hi, my name is Jackie and I’m a makeover-aholic.”

Yep – addicted to “makeover” shows. Now you know my dirty little secret (well, one of them at least). For me, it’s about so much more than giving someone a new house, helping them clear out their clutter, or figuring out what their personal style is. What gets me about those shows is that the makeover goes deep – much deeper than the new wardrobe, deeper than reducing the clutter in your house.

For me, it’s about showing people that they have the tools within themselves to live their best life and that it doesn’t require them to compromise who they are. Showing them that they truly have the power to make changes that will support them in living the life they envision in their heads, in being happy in their skin, the home, their lives. That to me is a beautiful thang. The clothes and furnishings are all bonsu.

I think I’m going to start working on my very own personal “Makeover”. I want to feel more of “me” truly reflected in my home, in my furnishings. I want the house to reflect the authenticity I seek. To be open, warm, comforting, inviting, relaxed, with just the right amount of “Umph!”. This should be interesting for a couple of reasons – doing the makeover while working with an even more limited budget than before and deciding how much to do when my ultimate goal is to move in a few short months. A friend said to me that I shouldn’t even worry with the “home makeover” since I want to move (not sure if I’m going to sell the house or rent it. *shrug*). I understand why she said that, it used to be my mindset. USED TO BE. The reason I would do it now is simple – to show myself some love, to give the best of me to ME. To stop living with my life on hold, waiting until “it” happened(whatever “it” may be). Postponing really living. Because I don’t know when the move will take place (or where I’ll relocate), I need to live fully inside the life I have right now and that includes these four walls. And needless to say, starting now gives me a longer time period to work with rather than waiting until I’m ready to move and trying to cram it all into an abbreviated timeframe. So…I’m making a list and checking it twice. We’ll see how it goes.

Same “Makeover” concept goes for the wardrobe. When “What Not to Wear” first started coming on, I laughed and told my girls that I was going to nominate myself. They laughed at me, saying I didn’t dress bad enough to be on that show. (Does not dressing “bad enough” mean I do dress “bad”? Moving on…). I’m telling you, for $5000 of clothes I don’t have to pay for? I could.

It’s been a minute since I plunked down a chunk of change for clothes and since I’m not working, I really haven’t added much to the wardrobe. I told myself that, once I was working again, I’d do the shopping spree thing. But the truth is, I need to dress “me” now because while I don’t have a ‘Corporate America” type job, I am in the business of ME. I am my own calling card so to speak. We all are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hanging out with my friends and stumbled upon great networking possibilities. Don’t want to get caught in your round-da-house casual clothes on those occasions. It doesn’t mean I need or want to be run around town dripping in Dolce & Gabana every day or Manolo Blahniks or some other high-heeled, high-priced stilettos everyday. It just means that I’m not roaming around town looking like I don’t belong to anybody either, none of that worn-and-torn look. Besides, I’m saving those stiletto moments for other occasions. *wink*

Home makeover or clothing/hair/makeup makeover – you have to start with what you have, the barebones, the frame…of the house and you. You have to know what works for you, what lights up your soul, opens your heart, brings you peace, energizes you, makes you feel loved, valued, appreciated…what makes you feel pretty. Bottom line, it’s about working with what you have, accenting the best of that, and having your home and your look reflect who you really are. Let’s see how this plays out shall we?

Enjoy your weekend!

Live DELICIOUSLY!

*~* QUOTABLES *~*

There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.” ~ Marguerite Gardiner Blessington

“Yesterday we obeyed kings and bent our necks before emperors. But today we kneel only to truth, follow only beauty, and obey only love.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

A few weeks back, I was invited to be a “panelist” on a radio talk show addressing relationships – primarily Black relationships (specific title for the show was “Where are the Brothers?”). The discussion ran the gamut – why Black women are “angry”, why we don’t appear to be the choice for many Black men today, what can we as Black people do, what it is that Black women are looking for, etc. It was an interesting discussion – one that left me both wired…and tired.

One of the trains of thought that came up had to do with how we are raised. Specifically, cases where you have a male being raised by a single mother who caters to him to some degree for whatever reason. To Mama, he can do no wrong and so he never really learns responsibility. You know that whole adage, “Mamas love their sons and raise their daughters”. So, according to my co-panelists, the guy goes out into the world not really understanding or wanting to take on responsibility. He goes out into the world looking for a woman who will “mother” him – a replacement for his mom. (Ironic huh? Women supposedly are looking for their “daddy”, men are supposedly looking for their “momma”. No wonder we can’t “find” each other – we don’t know who it is we’re looking for.)

I didn’t delve too much into part of the discussion – didn’t wanna get caught out there talking about anybody’s momma – directly or indirectly. Actually, I didn’t delve into for one perfectly good reason: WE NEED TO GROW THE F*CK UP.

What I mean is this: if you are an adult – regardless of how you were raised - two parent home, single parent, raised by grandparents, adoption, foster care, raised by wolves…the bottom line is YOU ARE GROWN. You are responsible for YOU from this point forward. What you do or don’t do to help yourself is all on you.

At what point do you stop to take a good, hard look at yourself and say, “I need to make some changes. This isn’t working for me”? And I mean that for ANY adult, not just men. Seriously. We all have some level of dysfunction in our families, some issues from how we were raised. It happens. That’s on whoever was perpetrating the situation when you were a child – whoever was the adult in the situation. If it’s happening now, Baby that’s all on you.

You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.

I know how hard it can be growing up with all kinds of baggage-creating stuff pre-stacked in your relationship closet. Trust me. I’m still working through issues of my own. But I can’t do the work, get down to the real nitty gritty in order to let it go if I keep glossing over it or using it as a excuse. I had to learn to let a whole lot of stuff go, to work through it, to forgive and move on. Otherwise, that stuff would cripple me mentally, spiritually, emotionally.

I’d like to think that what Maya Angelou says is true, “People do the best they know how. When they know better, they do better.” I believe in giving people of the benefit of the doubt and say they did the best they could in the situation. Regardless, YOU are grown, YOU are wherever it is YOU are in terms of life, love and relationships. What are YOU going to do?

If you are grown – I don’t care if you’re still living IN your Mama’s house – decide today that you want to do something different, to be different – that you are ready, willing and able to put in the work to get to a place where YOU are responsible for YOU and take responsibility for moving yourself forward.

Regardless of whether you grew up without your father, whether your mother was mean to you, whether you grew up poor, on welfare, had to live in a group home, came from a dysfunctional family, etc….YOU GREW UP. You are not your circumstances.

It’s time to lay down that crutch of a rough childhood and walk on your own.

~ QUOTABLE ~

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin

“From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept the responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing.” ~ Andy Andrews

“It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.” ~ e.e. cummings

“Anything in life that we don’t accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it.” ~ Shakti Gawain

** Welcome to ‘Wordplay Wednesday’. Normally you’d bounce through on a Wednesday and find a poetic offering. Today, I leave you a little fiction snippet that blossomed in my head recently. Not sure what it’s gonna be when it grows up, but for now? Here it is. Enjoy! **

She lost all capacity for conscious, rational thought. She couldn’t breathe. In that moment, she felt herself die. Just a tiny bit. Not enough to draw attention but enough for HER to know that a piece of her was falling away.

And all it took to sever this piece of her, this chunk of her heart was him saying three little words.

“I Miss You.”

In her mind, that signified the beginning of the end.

It always had. No man, not one, who ever said those words to her ever stayed around long enough to exchange them for something more permanent.

She never really understood this “missing” stage. He didn’t know her. Not really. How could he miss what or who he didn’t know?

She convinced herself that what he thought he missed was the image of her that he had in his head – the person he thought she was, the woman who strolled through his imagination owning every thought. That wasn’t her.

Yes, they all missed the woman they thought she was. Yet, none of them stayed around long enough to know if they were one and the same, this imagined her and the reality of her.

She was sad. Sad that they “missed” this surface level “her” and so, their energy was focused on that, not on going below that very surface. And she was sad because, if they missed the person she wasn’t, she knew they wouldn’t recognize the person she really was when she showed up. They would say things like, “Something’s different” or “You’ve changed” when in reality, she hadn’t changed – she’d just…shown up fully fleshed out.

And so, she smelled leaving in the air. It brought a melancholy smile to her face. One which he misconstrued as her welcoming his words. He never looked closely enough to realize that the smile never really reached her eyes. And it never once traced a path to her heart. That path remained grown over by past pain, heartaches too recent to mention, and a yearning that wouldn’t let her rest.

“Don’t.”

That’s all she could manage to say through her haze of self-imposed sadness.

He moved closer to her, still smiling, anxious to take her in his arms, to feel the warmth of her pressed gently into him. “Don’t what? Miss you…want you….love….you? Too late. I do. Miss you. Want you…..love…you.”

He was right. It was too late.

Standing there in plain view, she began to disappear right before his very eyes. Physically she stood there – shaking slightly as she realized what he said.

Emotionally – she was miles away…and still running.

Copyright 2007 ~ Jackie Young

Live DELICIOUSLY!

This isn’t the post I had in mind for today but, I can’t get the words to form around any of those other thoughts. Ugh. I hate when that happens. My mind is flooded with more thoughts than the law should allow but they won’t drop to the page in any coherent form or fashion.

Yesterday was a semi-quarantine day while I tried to figure out what was happening and why. On occasion, I have a visit from ‘depression’. Some visits are worse than others and thankfully, I’ve learned to tell when it’s trying to sneak up on me and do what I can to get in front of it. (Doesn’t always work but I try.) More importantly, I’ve learned that sometimes disappointment masquerades as depression.

As I was mulling over the situation last night, I realized I wasn’t depressed – it’s more disappointment coupled with…um…unfulfilled desires. Now before you even go THERE, don’t. I’m talking “desire” in terms of things I want for my life. I sat down last year and planned out some things I wanted to accomplish this year. A mix of short-term and long-term goals, a mix of easy vs. challenging. As happens in life, I got hit with some situations that knocked me for a loop. Apparently the knocks were harder than I thought. I’m still standing but I can’t lie – that ish has me wobbling & feeling the reverb.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Living above your means”? Generally speaking it’s about people living more lavishly than their finances can actually support - “champagne on a kool-aid budget”. As I was chilling out yesterday, I realized that I was actually “living BELOW my means”. Seriously. And I don’t mean in terms of finances. I mean in terms of what I know I’m supposed to be doing, what I feel I was purposed to do. In terms of how I’m handling what God gave has given me – from finances to possessions to my gifts and talents.

I’m living below my means because while it’s reasonable to expect that the recent turn of events would slow me down, I’ve allowed myself to be STUMPED, STUPIFIED, and STOPPED. That is so not the look for me. But apparently, for reasons based on what I can only label “temporary insanity”, I convinced myself that it was. Oh hell naw! We got to shake this stuff off right here and now even if it means taking steps shorter than baby steps.

It’s not easy. Not carrying this dream. Not building it. Not seeing it being tested. But we weren’t promised that it would be – we were promised that He would go with us…and it would be worth it. I don’t expect it to be easy but what in life worth having really is? I don’t expect not to be tested either but I won’t slink off into the corner cause I’m unprepared either. Dayum if I’m gonna be part of anyone’s “SOL” testing gone awry…and yeah, by SOL I do mean “shyt outta luck”. Nope, not gonna be easy but then, where’s the growth in “easy”? I’m not looking for shortcuts – just efficiencies…that includes tightening up MY act. No, it’s not going to be an easy climb out of this mini-funk…not physically, mentally, or otherwise.

But you know what? My goals in life are to be free, to heal myself, to live gracefully & peacefully. Content. Inside His plans for me.

Liberation ain’t easy. Neither is healing. Or peace. I know this. A diamond isn’t formed without pressure; a pearl isn’t created unless there’s irritation. Yeah, I’m coming out of this. Slowly. Surely. I’ll crawl all the way into the light if I have to. And trust me, I have to. To do anything less does a disservice to all that I say matters to me. I take this moment of disappointment as a call from my spirit telling me that it’s simply a detour. Though I might have to take a different route, may add time to the overall trip, what remains the same is the ultimate destination.

There’s a lesson in everything that comes our way. We repeat those that we don’t truly grasp. It’s not something we should consider a failure. It’s not a failure because “it” knocked you down. It’s a failure because you let it keep you down.

Me. I’m up. Rising.

Live DELICIOUSLY!

~ J ~

~ QUOTABLE ~

“I do not weep at the world. I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.” ~ Zora Neale Hurston

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” ~ Gail Sheehy

“If God chooses to take us into deep waters, it is for a reason. The greater the calling, the deeper the water. Trust in His knowledge that your deep waters are preparation to see the works of God in your life.” ~ Os Hillman

(Side note: Someone once told me that they didn’t understand how anyone could suffer from depression. He’s entitled to think that. I exert no effort whatsoever to “change” his mind or convince him otherwise. Why? Because if I am comfortable enough with you to share that I am depressed, I don’t need you to UNDERSTAND it – hell, I don’t understand it myself. I simply need you to respect my words and to be my friend. Needless to say, he’s not on the list of folks I reach out to when I’m feeling down. *shrug* Just another part of life – know who you can lean on and when Baby.

This is a variation of something I posted last week and then took off public display. I post it now cause it keeps showing up and I need to get it out of my head. Because I’m trying to free myself of anything that’s holding me back, down, or up. Because I’m trying to get the lesson so I can move on.

You visit certain blogs regularly, you expect certain things. A friend says he expects truth, love, openness, something positive, some silliness related to fam/friends here. *shrug* That – truth, love, openness – is part of my quandary.

I ask myself if I’m too zealous about love & truth? Too bold in the face of love? Baring too much of myself? Now, I don’t put it all out there on the blog but I put enough. Enough for folks to get a feel for who I am, what matters most to me. And if we ever cross paths in the “real” world, you’ll find I’m exactly the same as I am on my blog, with an extra helping of humor. (Sorry to disappoint those who were hoping I was different. LOL)

Over the last month or so, several people said they found me “brave”. Others (male) have said they find my willingness to just put my thoughts & feelings (especially my feelings) out there unnerving. Quoting one, “as a strong black man, someone that open & honest puts me off”. *SIGH* Now, I don’t know him from Adam, he doesn’t know me. He’s read my blog a few times & somehow he’s already sized me up & dismissed me as being “TOO”.

If I had a dime for every time someone found me “TOO” much of something (bold, smart, independent, honest, silly, strong, etc.) or “NOT ENOUGH” of something else (tall, pretty, slim, meek, etc.), I’d be chilling down by the waterside for real. Note: this kind of stuff is exactly why you need to know and define yourself FOR yourself – from the core and be unshakeable about it. If you’re not, comments like that will seep into your psyche and cause all kinds of damage. Anywho…

Am I brave? I don’t know. Never really thought of myself that way. I know that I’ve lived my life from a place of fear for long enough, that I’m intent on healing myself. I just want to be free, content, loved, at peace. To shake off all the “STUFF” that weighs me down – fear, doubt, generational curses, etc.; the crap that the world tries to pile at the feet of someone who looks like me, who’s been where I’ve been. To be free to sidestep as much drama as I can. To love my life, to live my life; to love my family & friends and serve my God. Is that so different from what other people want? Why does it make me “brave” but apparently is just who ‘they’ are?

Can I tell you something? I didn’t set out to be brave. I simply set out to be loved. To live from a place of truth. To carve out a little space in this world where I could simply be who I am as deeply & intentionally as I can while returning the favor to others. Does that make me brave? Maybe. But hell, LIVING requires some measure of bravery so maybe we’re all brave to some degree. Maybe I grew into this “bravery” when I wasn’t looking. Maybe it was by His design, each little event in my life simply adding to the cache.

I don’t feel brave. Hell some days I feel uncertain, unqualified, unprepared…for the very things I say I want. When it’s just me, myself & I? Me and that little girl inside who could use a hug, who some days is just tired of scrambling, who wants to know that it’s ok to simply be who she is, who thinks it shouldn’t be this hard, who wants to know what love really is, who wonders if she’s truly living the life God intended for her? Naw, I don’t feel brave then.

Maybe bravery, like strength, is just part of who I am, and it shows up when needed. Maybe I just need it a lot these days. Maybe I dishonor those gifts, denying them or pushing them away sometimes because people declare you as “brave” or “strong” and somehow they think that makes you invincible in some respects. Like your feelings don’t matter. Like you don’t need anything or anyone – a kind word, a hug…respect. They “assume” that no matter what, you’re going to be alright – like you can’t possible be down for even a minute.

They do silly shyt like sending you cryptic emails that say “this” when they truly want to say “that”. They call you “friend” then treat you the opposite. They gloss over situations where you’re sharing your fears, your dreams, your pains because that’s not how “they” see you. They do stupid shyt that you call them on and they say it’s because “you” are just so different from anyone they’ve ever known and they’re not used to someone like “you”. They say all the right words in public – I’ll call, let’s get together, etc. – but it’s all show. They downplay your feelings. They do these things and think nothing of it because they think someone as brave as you, as strong as you doesn’t “need” anyone to lean on, doesn’t “need” help, doesn’t get hurt, doesn’t “feel” as deeply as they do, doesn’t “hurt” as badly as they do. Like there’s some frigging contest. Like you have some magical, mystical powers that heal your wounds in under 2 seconds. They think these things becomes sometimes they’re selfish, sometimes they’re stupid, and sometimes…we encourage them because we play into it. Can I put you on notice? I stopped playing into the mess years ago.

I’ve learned to love my strength, what others see as my bravery – to make peace with it and know that it doesn’t make me invincible and that anyone who thinks it does or should, anyone who is uncomfortable that a strong, brave woman would need lifting up from time to time just ain’t for me. And I am okay with that. Just don’t try to make me the poster child for strength and bravery. I’m not.

I wasn’t trying to be brave. Just trying to free myself. To be at that place that says I like who I am, I love the person I’m growing into & while YOU don’t have to like, love or even tolerate me, please – respect me. That’s it. Being myself each & every day, in every interaction. Not quieting my spirit or my voice so someone else can be comfortable. Maybe that is brave. *shrug*

I wasn’t trying to be brave. Just trying to love & be loved. Knowing perfection isn’t my goal – but a life of grace, peace, faith, ease, is. Love. That’s it. Not the “you complete me” ideal of love but the kind that says, “I’m whole, healthy & complete as I am but you compliment me in ways that make the whole of me bigger, brighter, better.” Maybe being ready for love is a form of bravery. Surviving in the face of heartache without bitterness. Being willing to do it again, only deeper. Being willing to love deep enough to defy statistics. Reveling in seeing others sharing the very kind of relationship you want. Believing that love exists…and somewhere out there is a slice with my name on it. Maybe that is brave. *shrug*

So. Here we are. At the place where the very things I ask if I speak of too much, the very things I wonder if I crave too much become the very things I write about.

Again.

Just know that I’m not trying to be brave.

Live DELICIOUSLY!

J

:::: QUOTABLES ::::

“Life is an act of a faith. Struggle is optional.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

“Strength, Courage & Wisdom. It was inside of me, all along.” ~ India.Arie

Last week, I treated myself to an early dinner at a local restaurant. While waiting for my meal, I did a little people watching. A waitress had seated a brother diagonally to my table. He had a set of twin boys in tow…they were 16 months old. Yeah. And Dad was holding his own. It was a thing of beauty I tell you. LOL “Big Brother” noticed me watching them and it was on from there. We waved at each other, said hi MANY times, played a little peek-a-boo, giggled, etc. “Little Brother” had a look on his face like, “What? What is he doing? That ain’t Mommy! That ain’t Granma! That ain’t even Auntie!” He kept looking at his Dad then looking at me and back at his brother. Dad had it down to a science - small toys, sippy cups, ordering his lunch & some sides that his kids could eat, feeding them without his food getting cold & enteraining the little men all at the same time. He never missed a beat. His wife breezed in a little later and she and I chitchatted about how “Big Brother” was all flirty. She said it was cool as long as he remembered who he was going home with. LOL She said Hubby did the whole ‘hanging with the fellows’ thing on the regular. Some mornings she’d wake up and find a note saying he taken the boys out for the morning so she could sleep in. He had it down to a science. He said he got a lot of attention when he was out with the boys, doing what it is a father is supposed to do for/with his kids & that he knew it was a ’sign of the times’ but he sure wished it wasn’t. I understand. Still, I give him props.

Not long ago, I spent a weekend at a weekend seminar run by a brother who runs his own business as a coach/writer/speaker among other things. His wife was there along with their four kids (3 boys and a girl). They homeschool their kids and when he has a seminar or speaking engagement that lasts a few days, the whole family comes along. In this case, the wife helped with the logistics, snacks for the group, etc. and then worked away from the group for the most part with the kids. It was at the beach so they were studying tides, etc. During one of the breaks, he and I talked about what a blessing it was for his family to be able to come along with him, to see what he did, to see the impact he had on people in the moment it happened. He told me how much of his success was attributed to his wife because she kept him grounded. He said a lot of people who attended his events just took it for granted that she was just there to put out the snacks but he told me some of the things that she did behind the scenes, things they worked on preparing for events, as he was writing his books, etc. He even encouraged her to write her own book and start speaking so he could support her in a different way. During the seminar, he talked about some people he’d worked with and someone asked him why he wasn’t known on a bigger scale than he was. He told us that the only “scale” he was concerned with being measured on was God’s and his family’s. At the end of the second night, the wife and I got a chance to sit and talk. I told her how great I thought it was for the kids to be able to see their daddy at work, in his element. And it was. A very powerful statement. To see your father running things. And Dude commands big bucks for his appearances. When we took breaks, he would dip away to spend time with the kids, help them with homework, or just take them for a walk along the beach. They got to see their parents interact, see their mom actually involved in the business, keeping their father on track, making sure he rested. That was POWERFUL for real. Wifey started laughing and said she was so used to doing it that she took a lot of it for granted to some degree – it was just who they were. True enough but who they were was a beautiful portrait of what it can be when two truly walk as one.

There’s one other brother I wanted to add to the list but he’s “shy” so I will just say this – it is a beautiful thing to see a black man actively building a dream. It’s a beautiful thing when a black man brings it just like that – just the way you did -wrapped in nothing but truth and a desire to share. It would be a minor thing to most. But we both know that “minor” ain’t me. LOL Big things my friend, big things are coming your way and I for one can’t wait to see you give new meaning to the word “UPRISING”. Am I in your corner? Like a fugitive dust bunny trying to escape the Swiffer. Yeah, just that tight. LOL

I’m sure that I am driving my blog notification systems crazy. Yes, I did have another post up earlier this morning. Yes I did take it down. I’ve done that a few times over the last month or so. Something about the post just wasn’t giving me peace so, I pulled them down. Maybe it was too…open, too raw, too honest…too much of me out there for public display. Whatever the reason, my soul is at peace. And that’s what matters most to me. Maybe I need to rethink my approach to blogging. I’m hoping this is all that it is. There’s a flog over my head at the moment. It has me blocked to a degree where my next writing project is concerned. Maybe it’s infecting my blogging too. I’m gonna let it ride for the moment but we’re gonna wrestle it down until I understand it. That’s my plan. Right now. Things change. Anywho…what to talk about now in lieu of my previous post? Ahhhhh….how about “Haters”.

You know, we all have a role to play in life. Often times, many roles. Sometimes those roles morph over time, sometimes we play multiple roles simultaneously. That applies even to the dreaded HATERS.

First, be clear that just because YOU think someone is hating on you doesn’t mean they are. Sometimes we confuse the situation. It happens. Especially if you *KNOW* that you’re right about whatever the situation is. Just admit that sometimes, you can be too close to the situation to be objective about the feedback that you might get. It’s just a thought. I might just be me. *shrug*

Now, for cases of true “Hate”. Don’t internalize that mess. Recognize that the “HATER” is just playing their role. Your reaction to them & their antics could mean the difference between them getting an academy award for their bullshyt or you not even noticing they were part of the mix. Feel me? Take it in stride.

You know, HATERS can serve a purpose - a positive one. They let you know that you’re about to get your shine on. Generally, they’re the first people to notice that you’re about to be on and they ring the alarm. They don’t realize it but they can be a great PR tool. I mean really, depending on what it is you’re doing, they could stir up interest in places that you hadn’t even thought about. They call attention to you which is the opposite of what they were hoping for because grown folks who make up their own minds will check you out and decide for themselves. So let the haters spin. Next time one of them comes to you with that noise, sit back cause you’re about to be on. “I’m on…wipe me down!”. (Um, I hate that song but found it too tempting not to use. Can you just see that Hater being the one to “wipe me down”? Hysterical!)

And they serve a larger purpose - they can be the edge against which you sharpen your dreams. I don’t mean to sharpen your dream in an “I’ll show you” kind of way but it can work to a degree (as long as you don’t let that be your sole motivation). If somebody’s coming against you to that degree, you have to know you’re on to something. If everybody agrees with you and is for you, you need to adjust yourself or your dream. “Kites fly highest against the wind, not with it.” - Winston Churchill We all need a little resistance to reach whatever height is meant for us. Next time a hater starts up, just smile and say, “blow me.” (Sorry, couldn’t resist. LOL)

The bottom line is this, I don’t think any of us is foolish enough to be believe that everyone is going to love us and support each and every little thing we do. Not gonna happen. If you were somehow holding onto that little fairy tale, tell it to the Easter Bunny Baby. Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what your purpose is. Know how you’re going to get there. Know that you can. Know that you will. Know who’s for you.

Know who you can share your dreams with. Look, people who aren’t strong enough or brave enough to dream their own dreams certainly aren’t going to be strong enough or brave enough to support yours. Stop expecting them to. Some people don’t need to know what you’re doing until it’s done. Recognize that. Stop seeking validation from folks who don’t even approve of themselves. (Don’t even trip - sometimes that’s what it’s really about. Admit it. Then change it.)

Set yourself up with a “board of directors”. Sometimes that’s you, your spouse/significant other, your best friends. Sometimes Baby it’s just you and God. And if you’re prone to getting in your own way, then it’s just God. Ask me how I know. Ha!

Do I have a “board of directors”? You best believe it. And I know that these people have my best interests at heart. They are not about saying “yes” because they think it’s what I want to hear. They are my kind of honest so you KNOW what that means. THAT’S what you need. People who will tell the truth about you…to you. It’s not about them saving face or them being not wanting to be embarrassed by me. It’s about them wanting me to be my best, to reach the pinnacle. Lawd, I do loves dem peoples. And you know who you is.

So, while I don’t advocate that you let the Haters cop a squat & get comfortable, be real about why you’re shaking them off. And then sang yo’ version of Jill Scott’s hit. I.LOVE.DAT.SONG.

Happy Thursday! I gotta do something ‘bout my schedule. It’s 11am & I’m just posting. Slacker! Not that anybody’s setting their watch by my posting schedule or that you’re even checking for me. It’s just a personal thing for me – I like having it done first thing in the morning. Guess that would depend on when I roll myself outta bed huh? Doesn’t help that my laptop wants to act out. *sigh*

Anywho…I realized the other day when I posted about music that I’m feeling right now, I left this song off the list. For those of you who know me, you’ll know exactly why I like this song. And I thought I’d drop another piece of poetics for your reading pleasure also. No correlation between the song and the poem. I was…um…inspired…though not necessarily by this song.

Have a better day than you planned!!