Thoughts push their way into my mind regarding the subject of this blog post and being who I am, I find myself humming and singing a song. Told you, there’s a soundtrack for every thing that happens in my life.

So what song or lyrics am I hearing now?

“I can’t stand the rain…against my window…”

Why that song? Cause my mind works in strange ways. I can admit that. Especially since my singing/humming that song has nothing to do with “the rain against my window bringing back sweet memories”. Actually, I was thinking of the times in my life when God has gently tossed pebbles at my window, spiritually speaking, and I didn’t listen so He stepped it up to a brick. Yeah, “I can’t stand the rocks…against my windows…” Look, I confessed that my mind works in strange ways so don’t EVEN look at me like that! ANYWAY…

Let me break it down. In previous blogs, I’ve mentioned that there have been times when I’ve felt like people were unreachable, unresponsive. Not that I think anyone’s avoiding me. At least I hope not. You’ve never been there? Where it felt like no matter what you said, who you said it to, HOW you said it, nobody “heard” you? Didn’t matter if you were speaking in your “normal” voice, writing long detailed emails/letters,, or jumping up and down shooting sparks out of you’re a**. Your voice was falling on deaf ears.

Throughout the course of my life, that has happened to me several times. And I find myself there again. Now. It’s frustrating in some regards. When I was younger, it would irritate me to the point that I simply became louder, more strident in what I was saying. That didn’t go over well because once I got loud, people were so hung up on HOW I said things, they completely dismissed what I said. (Did you read my previous post? If so, this getting louder, more strident is a classic example of “RAW” done wrong.)

When I was younger and found myself in the cycle (speak-not heard-shout-not received), I would get quiet. Mad quiet. Not “mad” as in “mad flava” but “mad” as in pissed-slam-da-hell-off. When I was REALLY younger, “mad quiet” set my evil twin to plotting and scheming. (Thank God for releasing the ties that bind! Whew!). As I got older, or rather, as I matured, I realized that getting quiet was absolutely the right thing to do but my methodology needed to be tweaked. I needed to make better use of that quiet time. Use the “down time” to think, to plan, to rest. To evaluate what I’m doing and why vs. what I want to do or should be doing. I realized that it was one of the ways God uses to slow me down, to redirect my focus and energy. A God-ordained strategy session. (Whew! Insert praise dance right there!)

Notice how I said “I realized that it was one of the ways God uses to slow me down, to redirect my focus and energy. A God-ordained strategy session.?

When I didn’t heed the peebles, God tossed a few larger rocks at that same spiritual window. Having that kind of clarity, that knowledge of how things are playing out in your life is a gift. Not treating it as such is an act of disobedience on my part. I said “I realized”. The problem is that each time it happens, “I realize”. Each of those times – in the past – has represented a few pebbles that God tossed lightly against my window. Last year or rather this year – parting with my job, letting go of some relationships? Those were bricks.

When this re-revelation came to me today, I felt bad because I am not as in tune with things as I need to be. That doesn’t work for where I say I want to go in and with my life, it certainly doesn’t fit with what God has planned. God has given each of us a purpose, He has crafted a plan, and He has given us the gifts, the skills needed to get there. What He won’t do is push Himself on us. He’ll give us a nudge from time to time. If we are sincere about being who He has called us to be. If He knows He can use us in spite of ourselves.

God always throws pebbles before He throws a brick.

Pay attention. Trust me – He ALWAYS throws pebbles before he throws a brick.

So here we are on the other side of my re-revelation. What am I going to do? Without any grand announcements, I’m simply going to duck away from some things, some people for a minute. Focus not only on what comes next but what’s right here, right now, staring me in the face. What matters most.

God is repairing the window damage. While He’s on the outside looking in, the least I can do is get busy making the most of what He’s given me…time, gifts, energy…life.