Life lessons just keep showing up - good or bad, hard or easy, painful or not and I keep applying them to my life. I’m not sure if this recent lesson is about competition or support. I’m sure you’ve all run into this situation before. The one where you share something with someone and no matter how excited you are about it, how much you’re enjoying it, no matter how much fun you’re having even if it’s an experiment…the person NEVER has anything good to say. Not one speck of a compliment. Honestly? It hurts. Again. You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now but no, I’m still here beating my head against a wall…hoping against hope.

So, what’s a girl to do? I can’t avoid this person. Trust me. I can’t. I suppose I could simply stop sharing information with them but then, I’d be made out to be wrong. Trust and believe. Been there. Done that. Got the phone calls to prove it. I hate having to censor what I say to people. I mean, I’m an honest person and I’m fairly open, especially with my innercircle fam/friends. While I understand and employ tact/diplomacy when dealing with people, having to censor myself that much makes my teeth itch. If I have to go to that length, you obviously shouldn’t be part of my inner circle. But how to get around that? Seriously.

I ask myself if I keep opening myself up to this seeking validation, hoping against hope that THIS time, THIS thing will be the thing that garners a smile, a kind word, a “wow, I’m proud of you/happy for you”…something. I catch myself trying to find find the “thing” that will make the difference - trying harder, juggling more/faster, adding more flash, etc. I temporarily convinced myself that I was going to come across the one thing that would garner instant acknowledgment, recognition, half of a smile…something. Yes, I would love it if this person just once supported me outright, without hestitation, especially in a way that didn’t include them trying to make it about them. I’ve been here before. Same person. And as I think about it now, I have to ask if for some reason this person feels as if we’re in competition. We’re not. Well, let me put it this way – I’m not in competition with them. This whole situation would almost be comical if it wasn’t so painful. (Maybe I’ll laugh tomorrow.)

I know. I need to let it go. And I am. It’s not worth it to me. But old habits die hard. I’m learning. Every once in a while I slip. I guess it’s true what they say – everything ain’t for everybody. I suppose I should take a lesson from my own page, do what I tell other people to do – leave my expectations at the door and just flow with it. In the end, outside of me and the Creator, whose opinion really counts in the end?

Funny how things come full circle and something I shared with a friend around this same time last year now applies to me. I’m really big on supporting people whenever and however I can. Remember this post? Support…That’s My Verb.

That’s me. Sometimes I have to stop myself, slow down, stop sharing because while we all need people who will help replenish what we give out, folks don’t always step up. That’s cool. I try to remember that I do what I do from a place that says helping others is a large part of what I’m called to do. I remember telling this person not everyone we expect or think should support us can or will. Some folk just aren’t made that way – avoid them. Some people don’t know how to support you even though they want to. Some hesitate because they worry about you stepping out too far, they’re holding their breathe, waiting to catch you should you stumble or fall – they just can’t see as far to the end of your dream as you do. And others? Others will ride each and every wave with you – up, down, under, over, across – it doesn’t matter, they’re there for you. Those people? Hold on to them. Those are the people who don’t have to understand your dream, they don’t have to see to the end the way you do – they are supporting you, they believe in you. In an ideal world, you’d be completely surrounded by people like this – no other types would exist. And yet, without the others, you don’t grow as deeply into your purpose, into your dream.

Bottom line is that I have to remember that this is MY dream. Not everyone is strong enough to help me hold up my piece of the sky. Especially when they are too afraid to dream a little dream of their own. Oh well. I keep…pressing onward, moving forward, I keep smiling when I want to, crying when I need to…I keep living…I keep dreaming…I keep building the dream.

Dream BIG!
Live DELICIOUSLY!
Keep Rising!

~ J ~