“What a difference a day makes.”

Ain’t THAT the truth! Yesterday, I was feeling a little way. A bunch of different things had converged in my world on Wednesday, it just kept coming, and I was feeling restless, stuck, tired, and a few other things. Oddly enough, I reached out to some folks via email, telephone & even tried to visit some face-to-face. Not one person was available or responded which has NEVER happened to me before. Went to sleep in the wee hours of Thursday morning with all that pressing against my mind and heart and it woke me up Thursday morning. It followed me all through the house, jumped in the car when I went to the post office, wandered up and down the grocery aisle with me. Even tried to tag along when I met some friends that night for a play.

So, I pondered the situation for about 5 minutes, prayed about it all and then just let it go. Today? Completely different frame of mind. My cup runneth over in every way imaginable. Life.Is.Beautiful. For real. Nope - no job yet (actually considering withdrawing my app for a job that’s pretty much in the bag except for the salary thingy). Nope - not stressing the money thing either. Haven’t sold a lot of books recently. Got a bit of family drama going on. And then there’s…well, I’m not even gonna give it breath or energy. So you see, “LIFE” happened.

But it’s all good. In this moment, life is rich & my cup runneth over. I’ve decided to live from the overflow. That’s big for me. Lifetimes ago, I was “Queen of the Whine”. I lived my life waiting for the other shoe to fall. Seriously. I always anticipated that something was going to happen that would upset the tentative happy balance of my life. It was deeper than me seeing the glass half empty – I couldn’t even see the glass. How sad is that? Not that the glass is half full or half empty but that you have no concept that a glass exists. I lived as if every good thing that came into my life was accidental, that someone was going to realize they’d made a mistake and come to repossess it. Walking through life holding my breath, afraid to get used to the good stuff. CAUSE.I.DIDN’T.THINK.I.DESERVED.IT.

Some days, I think I still have some of that “undeserving” residue stuck to me, in the corners of my mind. It shows itself every now and then. But you know, it’s spring time and so, I’m doing a wee bit of spring cleaning. See if I can shake those cobwebs free for good. You know, I love asking questions – it’s the coach/counselor in me and so, when these thoughts about not deserving, not being worthy slither out into daylight, I stop and ask myself how are these thoughts serving me, what do they give me? There has to be something in order for me to hold on to them so tightly. And in this case, I know that it’s part defense mechanism. If I treat those things as if they were given to me “in error”, how hurt can I be when their rightful owner comes to claim them? I can’t become fully attached to them.

Life is much too short to exist with this kind of thinking. I don’t remember what triggered my changing train of thought from one of holding my breath, waiting to exhale to one where I learn to dwell in possibilities. I suppose living through painful situations and realizing that you’re still standing helps. I’ve decided that, instead of saying “I’m afraid” when faced with an opportunity or challenge, I will say that “I’m excited & anxious to see what unfolds”. I hold no great expectations of any one or any thing other than they show up as they truly are, make room for the authentic me, and we move from there. I am who I am, even as I am becoming that person daily. I have what I have. I dream what I dream. I look how I look. I do what I do. I believe what I believe. I value what I value. I give what I give. What more can one possibly bring to this life?

Yes, right now, in this moment, life is better than good. I think this is ‘the sweet spot”. And you know what? It’s just the tip of “the sweet spot”, the holding section. Going deeper, it gets sweeter. I can’t wait. Yep, my cup runneth over – in every single way possible. And Baby, I am LOVING the fact that I live from the overflow.

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It’s the weekend Baby! Whatcha gon’ don? Me? Hanging out with FavCus#1 & #2 Saturday morning. Driving to my Mom’s Saturday afternoon – hang out with her & my nephew D (who’s going to the prom. Lawdhammercy!). Sunday, I’ll come back to town & meet up with some friends for the James River Wine Festival. Had a ball last year & if we even come CLOSE to having that much fun, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand it. My guy, “Big Mike” is gonna be there, with his fiancé. *sigh* Yes, I have to let go of that dream…but if she EVER missteps, I’m on it. LOL And of course, “Cowboy Mike” will be there too. YeeHaw! Now if I can just find that wine in the cat-shaped bottle, it’s on!

Enjoy your weekend my lovelies!

Live DELICIOUSLY!!
~ J ~