::: NOTE: LRIA = Love’s Reparations in Action. :::

I’ve been wrestling with this post for almost two weeks, trying to find the words to explain this relationship epiphany I had. Friday, while trying to take my mind off the V.A. T.ech tragedy, I was clearing out emails, printing poetry so I can begin edits for my next collection. Oddly enough, I found this epiphany laced into several pieces.

It’s no secret that I’ve had my heart broken. It’s no secret that I’m a major cheerleader for LOVE, not that fake ‘margarine-type’ love but the real deal. It’s no secret that I don’t bad-mouth anyone that I dated or was interested in – I will tell the story of us (or the story of what I believed to be ‘us’ from my perspective in such a way that nobody is made out to be wrong. (Ain’t that grown? Well hang on cause the “grown-ness” continues.)

Late last year as I was licking my wounds so to speak, a thought came to mind about a “relationship” that I was told I imagined. It was a painful situation for a whole lot of reasons – the primary one being that it didn’t have to be. In the midst of all that pain (and anger – let’s keep it real), my initial thoughts were about how much I’d lost. Several months after that, many poems later, much prayer from self & beloved friends who didn’t know the details & didn’t ask, I realized that what I’d GIVEN to that friendship paled in comparison to what I got out of it.

Relationships are great teachers. I’d even go so far as to say that we learn our best lessons inside relationships (and that’s not confined to love relationships). Sometimes the lessons are easy, pretty, happy. Other times they’re hard, painful, dark. Maybe we learn them in the moment, sometimes we learn them long after the lesson (and the relationship) has ended. What I know and believe with my whole heart is that relationships aren’t about the other person – they are a mirror to show you your own stuff up close and personal and give you space to deal with them.

And so, “that” relationship – the one that had me painfully living out the title of my poetry collection? THAT “relationship” brought me so much more than it cost me. I didn’t realize it, not then but I guess that is the very thing that kept me from cursing his name, from going to that vengeful place, from hiding the beauty of me from the next person to come my way.

It brought me the birth of an epiphany (and yeah, there is a poem by that name). The epiphany? EACH RELATIONSHIP YOU ENGAGE IN SHOULD WALK YOU DEEPER INTO WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

Just typing that makes me smile. Think about it. Isn’t that what you want from your relationships, from your AUTHENTIC interactions with other people? To walk away being richer than when you came into them? Whether they last for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Think of the beauty of that. That is a powerful revelation. When you start interacting with people from that perspective - knowing that whatever the outcome you’ll walk away with a better understanding of yourself - you can and will leave your expectations and irrational fears at the door. You can then enjoy the interaction and embrace the lessons it brings.

Now, I got the nudge about that lesson as I was hobbling along the learning curve but being in pain, I pushed it off to the side. The catalyst for bringing it fully to my conscious was a different interaction. This interaction actually models it for me, makes it real, plain speak. Even in my moments of hesitation, in my being “allowed” to drive (for now ) – I see that I’m deeper inside who I really am, who I’m meant to be. See, even in the midst of all that pain, I saw something beautiful – little did I know that part of that beauty was my own reflection. And so, I want to get closer – to go beyond the surface, dig deeper into myself. What better way to do that than inside a friendship that challenges every comfort zone you have?

I look back and I can almost see in my mind’s eye where the hand-off happened. See that spot where the heartache started? That was the handoff. And you know what? It wasn’t about him walking away, not choosing me, not…whatever. It was about the fact that he was not my destination, he was simply a part of a beautiful journey…and he wasn’t meant to go any further. To have stayed there with him in that moment would have stunted my growth. I see that now. I won’t lie – I’ve had my “what-if” moments but I know now that in that moment, in that time and place, as beautiful as it was (and it was indeed a beautiful thang), it couldn’t be anything more than what it was no matter how much I may have wanted it to be.

Whew! I gotta pause right there and do my victory dance because Baby, whether you know it or not, that’s some emotional shackle-breaking real talk right there. If it don’t fit, don’t force it. And so it is also with matters of the heart. T.D. Jakes says “If people can walk away from you – for whatever reason, let them go – your destiny isn’t tied to the one who walks away.” He’s right – your destiny is tied to the one who stays…in the face of, in spite of, because of…for however long they’re mean to stay…to teach you, to mirror your stuff.

There’s a part two to my beautiful epiphany: Just as it is with life, LOVE IS A JOURNEY – NOT A DESTINATION – AND EVEN WHEN ‘THE ONE’ SHOWS UP, THE JOURNEY DOESN’T END. At that point, you’re just getting to the good part. Here’s to beautiful journeys.

Travel well my Lovelies, travel well.

Live DELICIOUSLY!
~ J ~