They say that prayer changes things.

I tend to agree…most days. But on a day like today? I have to wonder if I’m praying wrong. Maybe praying about the wrong things, not praying sincerely enough, or strongly enough, or maybe I’m too busy praying MY wants instead of HIS will.

I woke up early this morning – my hips singing the fibromyalgia song that strikes up whenever and wherever it wants. I got up long enough to get some water, pop some aspirin and plug the heating pad in. I turned on the TV (probably my biggest mistake) and found myself near tears as I watched the news unfold around the shootings at V.i.r.g.i.n.i.a. Te.ch in Blacks.burg, VA. Madness creeps. Across the grounds of a college campus.

And I lay here saying to myself that prayer changes things. I know it does. I believe it. And yet…on a day like today, I have to wonder. I try not to “go there” with God but, my not saying it doesn’t stop me from thinking it and you know God does know your thoughts…and your heart. Besides, God already knows that right now, I’m struggling to understand how it seems that the Devil is always busy…and sometimes…God appears to be stuck in chill mode. And I know not to let myself linger too long on that thought. Not about chill mode but about whether my prayers are in vain, or why things like this happen. I know that not all things, not all people, not all situations are meant to be understood.

And so, I was laying here, afraid to call anyone – I have friends and former coworkers whose kids attend Tech - afraid to answer the phone. My sister called from New York – she couldn’t remember where Tech was, which part of Virginia. I’ve talked to one other person and right now, that’s enough. Thirty-one people dead, another 20+ injured. Madness creeps. Across the ground of a college campus. Another sign that our “safety zones” are few and far between.

Jesus.Take.The.Wheel.

And so, I like the rest of the nation, wait to hear more details. Wait for someone to piece together this macabre puzzle. We don’t say it but we’re waiting for someone to say the one thing, give us the one piece of information, that will make this situation make sense for and to us.

I have no words. My heart goes out to all those on campus, their families, their friends. I think of the person who committed this crime – for the pain they must have been in, the madness that must have planted itself in their mind.

I do the only thing that I can.

I pray.