Today was “Pajama Day” at my house. What exactly is “Pajama Day”? Why, I’m glad you asked. It’s a day where I feel so undone and outdone, I stay in my PJs all day and basically shut myself away from all the madness of the world. Give my soul so space where it can rest, relax and recharge. Dip away from the foolishness that we tend to dance with or around on a daily basis. That ish can wear you down AND out.

Examples you say?

Exhibit A: T-shirts on e.B.a.y re: the “I.M.U.S ” incident. I’m not even gonna link it from here. If you can’t find it, send me an email.

Exhibit B: Bumper Stickers on e.B.a.y….

Exhibit C: and yet another tshirt on e.B.a.y….

Exhibit D: Flipping channels yesterday, I stopped at “The.V.i.e.w”. Don’t ask me why. I’ve never been a fan but there was all this squawinking going on and I wanted to see what the fuss was. Wellllll….let me tell you. In regards to “the recent incident”, one of the cohost mused aloud, “Why now?” She then went on to postulate that it was because O.b.a.m.a. was running for president and now black people somehow felt more “empowered”. Sweet Jesus part the sky! I know it’s wrong to pray harmful thoughts towards and for someone but you know I was ready to part my lips and ask the Lord to smite them right then and there. See what the ratings would look like after that. Ugh!!

Exhibit E: Last week, I showed up at my old office for two events, one being a retirement party for a friend who was “divorced” about a month after me; the other was a baby shower. Now, I worked there for almost 20 years so, it’s not like people don’t know me or know how I can be. But did somebody not try me? In the lobby of all places? All loud & in a crowd? Said idiot said, “Mmm…I can’t believe they let you back in the building.” I smiled and said in my outside-family-reunion-drunk-uncle-peeing-on-hisself-kids-knocking-over-the -food-before-anybody-ate-a/c-on-the-fritz-in-July” voice, “And yet again I’m dumbfounded at the fact that you of all people remain on ANYONE’S payroll.” I spoke to the two people standing with said idiot as she tried catch the pieces of her face that were hitting the floor. *plink* *plink* Laughing, I turned to walk away but not before reminding her that even on my worst day, I passed her three times…all before 9am. Don’t try me. A friend called me later that day and told me that said idiot said I didn’t like her. I assured my friend that for once, the idiot was indeed correct and that I suggest she not concern herself with it because I didn’t have to. Hell, some days I wake up, look in the mirror and say, “Dang. YOU again.” Move on.

Exhibit F: Ok, folks if you’re going to apologize, you need to understand a few of the rules of engagement. This is standard Apology 101 but, since I know you, I’ll share this with you. The rest? You can pick up in my upcoming bestseller “How to Say I Was Wrong and Not Become Addicted to the Taste of Your Own Foot in Your Mouth” through “Ain’t That Some Ish Press”:

1. Apolgize directly to the person(s) you insulted FIRST. Do not pass go until this step is done. That includes tv interviews, ads in major newspapers, etc.
2. Know your target apology audience. Some folk are more susceptible to bullshyt (me? I’m highly allergic) while others prefer their apology with a side of ’song-and-dance. Or…you could just man (or woman) up and go with the truth, straight no chaser. As the apologizer, it is YOUR job to gauge your audience. After all, we didn’t tell you how to put both feet in your mouth to begin with now did we?
3. Do not assume that your apology will be enough or that it will be accepted immediately…or ever. It shouldn’t be your focus in the first place. As the apologizer, all you can do is apologize SINCERELY and leave whatever expectations you have out of the mix. It’s really not about YOU.
4. If you are a chronic apologizer, know that folks are on to your punk a**. Try a new tactic. Something like, not putting your foot in your mouth to start with. Ya’ll know this apology thing caused me some rough flashback moments. I dated a guy once (if only *sigh*) who was very ‘good’ at apologizing when he was wrong. I gave him props for that cause folks don’t always say “I’m sorry” and/or “I was wrong”. BUT…dude was ALWAYS apologizing so it devalued what he said. He couldn’t grasp the concept of not doing/saying anything that would lead to a frigging apology in the first place. Modifying his behavior has always been a struggle for him even to this day. *Sigh*
5. Don’t cloud this issue with ish like “But Ray-Ray did the same thing last week!”. This isn’t about Ray-Ray ‘nem…not at the moment. Focus on YOU. What YOU said/did. Focus on your reasons for apologizing. Focus on changing YOU. Cause um…sometimes? When you add in other examples, you just compound the issue cause now you gotta take the brunt of the anger not only for yourself but also for Ray-Ray ‘nem. Trust, Ray-Ray ‘nem are on the radar.

Exhibit G: folks who assume stuff about you (I know, I’ve said this before) and then tell you how “surprised” they are when they’re proven wrong. Someone recently told me that they didn’t know how down-to-earth I am or how funny I can be. I’d like to say that it was the first time I’d heard that but, it’s not. Got it all through school. Hard being African-American in a class of 20 students and there are only 1-2 of us. Or sitting in meetings with ‘muckety-mucks’ in corporate America and you’re the only person of color AND sometimes the only female. So now, I was cutting up in those instances because I had a job to do. I know what’s appropriate and when. I’m not that old-school Chrissy doll with the buttons you push to pull a pony-tail (or some cut-up) out of the top of her head. Besides, if you make that assumption based on how I enter a room, how I speak and/or where I sit while I’m in the room but you never approach me to say a word, how would you know? And why would I go out of my way to dispel the foolishness living inside your head? I don’t take ownership of ish that isn’t mine. Unless you’re willing to pay a hefty rental fee to rent said space.

Or the guy who made the assumption that because I wasn’t married, didn’t have any kids and wasn’t living with a man that something must be wrong with me. It was. I was loosing brain cells talking to him. Now don’t get all bent out of shape saying I’m “bashing MEN” - I’m not bashing all men, just him. And honestly, I didn’t even have to do that - he did it on his own. He was knocking my choices, my life and this is the profile that HE gave me of himself: dude was 36, he has 4 kids and another on the way, all with different women, he lives with his mom, grumbles about the lack of good women out here and how women like me have forgotten how to treat a man. He shared that information after having told ME about MYSELF. I cleared up a few things, left him looking dazed and walked away. FAST.

I could go on but why? Sometimes folks, Enough is Enough, too much is funky and ish is truly smelly right about now. So, in an effort to preserve the sactity of “Pajama Day”, I’m done. Enjoy your weekend!

Live DELICIOUSLY!
~ J ~