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No…this ISN’T a poem…it’s just a collection of random thoughts from the mind of a woman on a jellybean sugar high.

I’m a strong person. I love that about myself.
I also know when to lay that down without compromising who I am.
Yet, I realize that, I wasn’t nearly as strong as you needed me to be.
If you were really paying attention, you would know this.
There were moments of vulnerability so raw, I know you had to avert your eyes.
I offer no apology for that – my strength or my vulnerability.
It was the truth I was living at the moment.
Asking anything else of me would be a major insult from which recovery would be impossible.

I have no desire to be “that” strong black woman again - she was lifting all wrong.
She wasn’t bending her knees…in prayer & supplication to the One who truly is her strength.
My being strong doesn’t in any way require you to compromise your own strength.
If your strength and my strength mesh, we’d be stronger than 2-ply Bounty and if you can’t see the BEAUTY in that, be blessed but my dear, be gone.

I am no longer willing to apologize for who I am. Flaws and all, it all serves a purpose.
I am no longer willing to live small so that someone else can shine or feel important.
I am no longer willing to live my life looking in the rearview mirror, living it from my the shadow of my past (or anyone else’s) or while holding my breath.

I love being a woman.
I love being African-American.
I love being an African-American woman.
I had to grow into each of those roles. And my love of myself in each role as well.
It wasn’t always easy but it was definitely worth it.
Regardless of what the world may tell me about my worth – as a woman, as an African-American, as an African-American woman – I will always celebrate those things. ALWAYS.
Please know that, me celebrating who I am in all my elements does not take away from you in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Sometimes I think that, if the truth had been spoken in the instance that you & I were whatever we were, I would have walked across my principles wearing stilettos and prayed for forgiveness later.
Standing here today, I am thankful that you didn’t know that.
We would have hurt each other & whoever else in the midst of all of that.
I can’t change what you think of me – that stuff is in YOUR head.
And I know that what you think of me is really none of my business.
Sometimes you can strangle people and relationships by trying to make them live up to what’s in your head.
Sometimes the thing we say we dislike about a person is simply a reflection of our own personal traits.
Sometimes it’s your red flag alerting you that you might wanna upgrade yourself.

I’ve always been a curvy chick.
I’ve not always embraced that fact.
Funny how life’s curves can lead you to camouflage your own curves under extra weight.
People who are loud all the time are in pain about something in their lives.
They won’t admit it but they will get louder about it when you broach the subject.
I’ve forgiven you.
It’s forgiving myself that kept me stuck.
Season. Reason. Lifetime.
Stop trying to call people up out of the role they were designated to play in your life.
Stick to the script in that regard - all the rest? Ad lib.

I’ve always had ‘attitude’ – the trick was to cultivate the right one.
People have come to expect truth to be laced into poetry.
I wonder how many people realize just how much “truth” can be found in fiction, no matter how short.

I’ve always known that Jesus loves me. I’ve not always lived from that position.
The real challenge was ME learning to love ME.
Mission accomplished.
You can tell a lot about a person by what they wear – favorite jeans, revealing clothes, a smile, a frown, pessimism.
You can tell even more about a person by what they’re willing to take off.
In a lot of ways, I am thankful that you didn’t realize just how naked I was standing before you. And yes, I mean much deeper than clothes.Then again, maybe you did realize it.
Either way, pain has turned to purpose, regret has become release.
I simply loved you free.

** Note: Now that LAST part? Um, maybe that’s a poem….or it’s about to be.**

Live DELICIOUSLY!
~ J~